Whether you are 13 or 31, getting to know your boyfriend better is a magical, fulfilling and full of surprises experience. Even though you think you know everything about him, there will be times when you will realize that this is not the case, and you will want to get to know him better. How to become your boyfriend's "expert"? Asking, what questions! It can be a little hard for him to open up, but most guys like to talk about themselves, so asking him about his life is a great way to get the conversation flowing and avoid awkward silences.
Steps
Step 1. Start slowly
The initial phase of a relationship is a time to build trust and get to know each other better, and what you discover during this time will help you understand if it is the man of your dreams or a nightmare from which you would like to wake up the first. possible. The problem is, in the early days, your new boyfriend may feel slightly uncomfortable around you, and you might too. Break the ice by aiming for easy topics: school, weather, sports, etc.
Step 2. Ask questions in logical succession
Once you get your boyfriend to talk about unintrusive topics, find out more about him by asking questions that logically follow his answers. For example, if you have asked him what his favorite football team is and he answers “Juventus”, ask him which is his favorite player, if he has ever been to a live match or if he has ever visited Turin. However, if you immediately ask him about his math lesson, not only will he be a little confused by the sudden change of subject, he may also think that you don't care too much about his answers.
Step 3. Follow the thread of his answers by sharing information about yourself
Your boyfriend should want to know you as much as you want to know him. Instead of bombarding him with a constant stream of questions, take some time to answer what he says. Make sure you actually respond to what he says though, don't just change the subject. A good conversation only occurs if both people listen to each other and carry on based on what was stated above.
Step 4. Be a good listener
You will not be able to follow the thread of his answers to ask more questions if you are too busy thinking about the next question you will ask or the crazy experience you are absolutely eager to tell him. If you show genuine interest in his answers, he will feel more enthusiastic about talking to you. After asking him a question, let him answer fully; do not interrupt it or jump to another question.
Step 5. Avoid questions to be answered “Yes” or “No”
Many teens are not very talkative by nature and often give the shortest possible answers to the questions they receive. Ask open-ended questions that require at least a few words to answer. Lawyers and debaters like to block their opponents from answering only "Yes" or "No", but if you are trying to get to know your boyfriend, your goal is not to subject him to cross-examination.
Step 6. Respect their privacy
Don't rush to talk about too personal matters. You can ask questions about anything that comes to your mind, but if he doesn't want to talk about it, give him some time. Maybe he'll tell you about it of his own free will at another time in the conversation or another day. Don't put pressure on him, but be as open to him as possible. If you want to know something, don't be shy.
Step 7. Wait for the right time to ask questions
In general, you can ask questions to have a simple chat at any time spent together (although he will hardly appreciate it if you interrupt him when he is in a conversation with his friends). However, most of the more complicated questions require good timing. If you want to ask him about an old girlfriend, an unpleasant experience with his family, what he really feels about you, or anything else that could be explosive or painful, it's best to wait until you're on your own and he doesn't. hurry nor will he be sick for any reason.
Step 8. Enjoy silence every now and then
Talking is important, but you don't have to do it all the time. Not all silences are embarrassing, some can be pleasant.
Advice
- Make sure you feel comfortable talking about something before asking your boyfriend to open up to you about it. It's not fair to refuse to answer an uncomfortable question he just answered, especially if he's trying to make an effort.
- Remember, it's your boyfriend. There is no reason to be shy.
- Ask him about things that are important to you, but don't forget not to be in a hurry, or you might make him uncomfortable. Especially if your boyfriend is quiet, you may be able to just ask him a few questions before he breaks up completely. Make them questions that have meaning. If after a few months you know everything about her car or maybe her past relationships, but nothing about her dreams and future plans, you probably won't be satisfied.
- There may be a good reason why he doesn't want to open up to you. He may have had bad experiences as a child, and maybe he thinks it's his fault, he might feel embarrassed or it might remind him of his past relationship gone bad. He may also believe that you will judge him, especially if he is used to this in his dealings with other people. Let him know that you will love him regardless of everything and that you will be there to help and to listen. Of course, if the relationship has recently started, you will hardly be able to say it honestly, so give it time.
- Avoid saying "I don't know". Even if you have to think for a while before giving him an answer, it is better to work out a few sentences in your mind than to answer in this way.
- Simple things, like sitting and talking, nothing special, often work wonders. You could go ice skating and chat in the meantime, or choose a walk in the park.
- If your boyfriend tends to speak little, try making the questions fun. Tell him that you will ask him questions at random and ask what you want. Make it a game, like Truth or Dare, if you're comfortable with it. Either way, don't just wait for him to speak, this will put pressure on him.
- To get him to talk about himself, tell more about yourself.
Warnings
- Don't expect him to get involved while you can't. Relationships are all about taking and giving, and you both have to do it. You shouldn't pester him with questions and be pushy if he doesn't want to talk, but if he never wants to, or doesn't talk about something important when you really need it, it's probably not worth your time.
- Don't ask him too many personal questions right away.
- Gently approach questions that are too deep, as they could cause your boyfriend extreme discomfort or sadness.
