As Isaac Newton said: "Touch is the art of doing something without making yourself an enemy". In fact, being tactful consists precisely in this: having the ability to openly convey your message, while being delicate and without intentionally offending anyone. Being tactful “doesn't” mean hiding what you really feel, but exposing your ideas in a way that makes them seem interesting and harmless. If you want to know how to be tactful, then start reading the first passage.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Be Tactful in a Conversation
Step 1. Think before you speak
Take a break to reflect on how your words might be viewed, and to avoid making rash comments. You may have a gut reaction to what your boss or friend has told you. Either way, take a moment to gather your ideas before putting them out and saying what you actually mean. Ask yourself if it is the best time to present ideas, if you should wait a while to work out the best way to say what you want to say, and if people will be ready enough for your comments at that moment.
- Although talking about instinct can lead to expressing interesting ideas, it could help a lot to take a few minutes to formulate thoughts. If you do not immediately agree with something your boss said, for example, you should think of some concrete examples that confirm your idea, instead of simply saying that it is a bad idea.
- Pay attention to the people around you. You could comment on how happy you are that you are getting married while someone is going through a divorce. While you don't have to hide your enthusiasm forever, it might be best to find a better time to make your comments.
Step 2. Avoid negative comments
If people are making negative comments, you should avoid getting wrapped up in them if you want to have a little tact. This is particularly important if you are in the workplace and do not want to take part in office politics. There are several ways you can disengage from negative comments to avoid unpleasant situations. Here are some examples:
- Correct gossip politely. For example: “I am sorry that you have been told this about Maria. When I spoke to her, she told me that the story of her firing was just a rumor”.
- Remain vague: "I've never met Mario Rossi, so I don't know anything about his addiction to alcohol."
- Try saying something positive: "Maria might be a laggard, but she's a great worker." Or: “Antonio has always behaved well towards me”.
- Change the subject: “You know, your comments on the boss reminded me of something. There is an office party soon, right? Are you bringing someone?"
- Avoid some situations. If people continue to hold negative attitudes, then you can apologize and say you need to go back to class or work. It doesn't have to look like you're leaving because of the conversation.
- Kindly ask people to stop. “In fact, I don't care about our neighbor's gossip”, or “I prefer not to talk about it in the office”.
Step 3. Start with a positive comment before giving a negative opinion
If you have to give someone a negative opinion, be it a colleague or your best friend, you should express yourself so that they understand it better. This doesn't mean that you have to lie to people if things aren't going well, but that you should start with something positive, to let the person know that you care. Here are some examples:
- If you want to make a negative comment to a friend, you can say, “I think it's nice of you to try and get me out with all the single guys you know. But every time you try to do it, you make me feel pathetic”.
- If you want to make a negative comment to a colleague, you can say: “I really appreciate your hard work on this project. However, I think the project would be better if you let Maria help you a little more."
Step 4. Choose your words carefully
When you need to be tactful, the most important thing to remember is that you should be careful about the words you use to express your ideas. You can always express yourself without offending people, being misunderstood, or looking like a know-it-all. When you are ready to express your idea, ask yourself if the words you are using are slanted, rude, patronizing, or just plain all wrong. So, find the words that will help you express your ideas without offending anyone.
- For example, you want to talk to a colleague about how they need to work faster, don't tell them they're "slow", try asking if they can find a way to be "more efficient" instead.
- For example, if you are telling your boss that you want to fire yourself, don't say "I'm too smart for these people", but try "This company is not for me".
Step 5. Choose your timing carefully
When you need to be tactful, the hardest thing is timing. You may have a very nice thing to say, which could ruin a social situation you're in, if said at the wrong time, and it could hurt someone's feelings unintentionally. Before making a comment, ask yourself if this is the best time to do it and if everyone would understand it. Ask yourself if it would be better to wait for a positive response, even if you can't wait to say what you want to say.
- For example, if your friend Linda is happy to tell all her friends about her engagement, you should keep the news that you are pregnant for next week, so that Linda can stay in the spotlight for a little longer. You don't want her to think you're stealing her big day.
- For example, if your boss is giving a long presentation at the end of the work day, it may not be the right time to ask a question about another report. Asking the question now will only lead to confusion, your boss will only focus on the presentation and will not have the energy to answer your questions. If you wait until the next day, your boss will be happy to heal your doubts with you.
Step 6. Decline an invitation politely
If someone asks you to do something, you will have to find a way to politely decline, even if inside you are shouting: "Damn!". Whether you've been invited to someone's party you barely know, or have to stay late at work on a Friday night, instead of immediately saying no, giving the impression of being angry, you should take the time to say how much. would like to do it and then give a brief explanation or an apology why you won't be able to do it. This way you will communicate the same message, but without offending anyone in the process.
- For example, if your boss asks you to take on another project and you don't have time for it, you can always say, “Thank you so much for thinking of giving me this opportunity. Unfortunately, I am already following two other projects he has assigned to me and I will not be able to take on the extra work. However, I would very much like to take part in a similar project in the future”.
- For example, if your friends invite you to hike but it's not your strong point, you might say, “Your weekend in the woods looks great, but this weekend I'll relax because I've had a busy week at work and I need to relax. How about going out next Friday?"
Step 7. Don't reveal too much personal information to people you don't know very well
Another thing tactless people tend to do is to provide personal information to every person they meet. If you want to be tactful, then you don't have to go around telling everyone that you broke up, about your outburst, or all your personal problems. If you tell people all your own business you will make them feel uncomfortable and will not lead you to any new friendships. You have to be tactful and careful what people really want to hear and set yourself a boundary.
This way you will not reveal other people's personal information. If you are with a close friend and other acquaintances, do not start a private conversation that you started with your friend, in front of other people. Your friend probably likes to talk to you about her complicated situation with her mother, but she doesn't want the whole world to know
Step 8. Make sure your body language reflects your words
It's great if your words are sending a kind message, but if your body is communicating something different, people will get it right away. If you are telling someone something important in a delicate moment, then you should maintain eye contact, stand in front of the person and not look away or the floor. Pay attention to the person and show that you really care. It will be hard for someone to take you seriously if you tell them that they are doing a great job while you are looking in another direction.
Actions can say more than words, so make sure your body isn't sending a different message from your lips
Part 2 of 2: Being Considered by Others
Step 1. Consider others' point of view and appreciate it
Being tactful also means being able to understand the environment from which another person comes. While it is important to express your views, it is critically important to understand that someone may not be of the same point of view as us. If you let people know that you understand them, they will be more inclined to listen to you and get a serious idea.
For example, saying, “Maria, I understand you've had a lot to do recently…” can help you ask Maria for help with another project. If you say, “Hey! Can you stay here after working hours to finish the job report for me? " Maria might think you are indelicate
Step 2. Consider cultural differences and try to act gently without being asked
There are many cultural differences that should be understood in the world, based on where people come from, where they grew up, what their ethnicity and background might be, or even which generation they belong to. What might be perfectly acceptable in one culture may be considered rude in another. So ask yourself if you've been sensitive to the other cultures around you before making a comment.
Step 3. Be discreet
You would probably want to correct something your colleague said during a presentation, or warn a friend of yours that he has a huge piece of spinach stuck in his teeth. Instead of doing it in front of everyone, you should take the person aside and let them know about the situation. Being discreet plays a very important role in tact, as it will help you understand what needs to be said under the circumstances. It is a skill you should have in the business and social world.
For example, if you and your partner had a raise, unlike the rest of your colleagues, it would be better not to wave it in front of everyone. You can celebrate later
Step 4. Try to be polite when you are upset
Keep calm and speak kindly and truthfully. Always think for the best. Although you may be dying to tell your friend what you "really" think about his behavior, or you want to scold a colleague for ruining a project, you should keep your tongue stuck and be as polite as possible until you can express. your true feelings. Avoid saying something that you may regret because you are angry at the moment.
For example, if someone gives you a hideous sweater, try saying "Thank you so much for this gift. I'm glad you thought of me."
Step 5. Feel empathy for others
Look around before making a comment and think about how people might perceive it. It is very important to understand where other people come from before you expose your political, religious or personal views. While you may not know exactly where a person is coming from when you speak, it is important to have a sense of the mindset and experiences of the people around you, to avoid offending them.
- For example, you just got a raise and Bob just got fired, certainly this isn't the best time to brag.
- If one of the people next to you is a devoted Christian, this is not the best time to say how purposeless the religion seems to you.
- If someone is exhausted after a long day, don't expect them to help you solve a big emotional conflict problem. Be patient.
Step 6. Be an active listener
Being an active listener is a crucial component in having tact. There is a big difference between what someone tells you and what they actually think. So you have to listen seriously to understand the real message. If a friend of yours is telling you she came out of her breakup with a guy and is ready to come to a party with you, but her eyes and gestures tell you otherwise, find a nice way to tell her it's okay if she's not ready. to go out.
- Paying attention to how people really feel while they're talking can help you respond as tactfully as possible. For example, if your colleague is struggling with a project but is afraid to ask for help, check for clues, for example if he is nervous, stuttering, or keeps repeating himself to try to make you understand.
- Being an active listener can help you figure out if a person isn't listening and doesn't want to deal with a particular topic. If you are giving feedback to a coworker who saddens him, you may realize that he is not ready to hear about it. Then, you could drop the conversation and resume it later.
Step 7. Have respect
Having respect goes hand in hand with being tactful. If you really want to be tactful, you need to treat people with respect. This means letting them talk instead of interrupting them, giving them your full attention while they talk, asking people what they are doing, before breaking bad news. Treat each individual with care and kindness, because you need to understand that it is important to make people feel right, even if they are not your favorite people on the planet.
