Establishing mutual trust is one of the foundations for having a stable relationship. Lies can create tension in a relationship and complicate life inside a home. To try to figure out if your spouse is lying to you about something (whether it is insignificant or serious), you can examine several behaviors.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Observe Body Language
Step 1. Observe if your spouse blinks excessively
It could happen if you bring up an uncomfortable topic. If you face an issue that he is lying about, he may panic. Occasionally, the spouse may slow down the rate at which he blinks as he decides to lie and actually tells the lie, but then speeds it up.
- In this case, banging them frequently can be a reflex.
- For example, you might ask, "Did you send the plane ticket to my mom so we can spend the holidays with her?" Maybe he's lying when he says he's in a good relationship with your mother and didn't send her the card. As a result, he may blink more during conversation.
Step 2. Look your spouse in the eye
If he avoids you or goes to great lengths to make eye contact, then it's possible he is lying to you about the topic you are talking about. A liar can avoid eye contact, but he may also try to compensate for lies by looking the other person in the eye for prolonged periods. Evaluate this factor in conjunction with other behaviors.
For example, if you ask "Did you lose that trophy I won in high school?", He may lie to you and say no while avoiding your gaze, but he may also be staring at you at the exact moment he denies it
Step 3. Look for excessive scratching
If he starts doing this suddenly, in the middle of a conversation, he may be lying. This behavior sometimes denotes increased nervousness. He could scratch any part of his body.
For example, if you ask your husband "Are you going out for a drink again tonight?", He may scratch his head and deny it
Step 4. Watch for shaking
That's a pretty common wake-up call. The spouse may become restless, shake their feet nervously, touch their face, or play with a nearby object. It may even freeze all of a sudden.
- For example, if you ask your wife, "Have you gambled with your paycheck again?", She may start fidgeting in her chair as she denies it.
- Another question you might ask: "Do you want me to see you for dinner tonight?" If she says yes, but really doesn't mean it, she might touch the jewelry she's wearing while she answers you.
- When a person focuses on a lie, it requires more energy and attention than telling the truth. This could cause movement to stop or choke.
Step 5. Observe if he swallows heavily or drinks a lot:
it may be that he is lying. Alterations affecting salivation can be a biological response to the act of lying. In case of hypersalivation, excessive swallowing will occur. It is also possible that hyposalivation occurs, leading to more drinking.
Example: "Did your new boss make you stay late tonight too?". He may swallow loudly while denying it or take a sip of water suddenly
Step 6. See if these signals are co-present
If one of these behaviors is carried out in isolation, it does not mean that they are lying. Just because your spouse takes a sip of water when asked an uncomfortable question doesn't mean he's dishonest - maybe he's really thirsty. Instead, consider whether these red flags occur simultaneously. If he is nervously playing with an object, avoiding eye contact, and even verbal betrayal, he is more likely to be lying to you, while just one indicator is not always accurate.
Method 2 of 2: Verbal Signals
Step 1. Grasp the inconsistencies
It is the simplest verbal method there is to tell if a spouse is lying. Try to use logic. Think about the following example. If a person hears an unexpected noise, such as a gun being fired, then it is normal for them to turn to where it came from. If she claims she ran away without even looking, she's probably lying. But when you don't have all the information you need about the situation your spouse is describing, it can be difficult to spot contradictions.
- For example, if you ask your husband, "Did you go home straight away after dropping the kids off at school?", He might say yes. Subsequently, you look at the odometer and you realize that in reality that day the kilometers traveled were twice as many as those declared. Yet the car was not taken by anyone after your husband took the children to school. This would be an inconsistency.
- Here is an even more accurate example of verbal contradiction. You could ask your wife, "Did you buy tickets to go to the concert today?" He might say yes, but you know it's impossible to get them because you've read the news and the show has been sold out for days.
Step 2. Ask an unexpected question or proposal to catch him out
This is a useful method if you suspect that he has told you several lies. You have to catch him in the act by asking him to do something that at that given moment is impossible or embarrassing to do. If it did, its sand castles would collapse:
- For example, your partner has repeatedly hid bad financial investments from you, lying to you about it. You might say, "Let's go to the bank and ask an employee for a statement."
- If your partner lies to you every night that she stays with her friends late, you might say, "I bought two tickets to go to the theater tonight."
Step 3. Ask for details
See if your spouse gives too much. If she finds herself in an uncomfortable situation or feels guilty, she may have thought and thought about how to get out of it. If he lies, he may be babbling about what he did, where he went and with whom, because he probably worked out the lie to hide the traces.
For example, ask your wife why she arrived for dinner three hours late and she replies: "I was stuck in traffic because it was rush hour, then an elderly lady crossed the street, I had to let a man pass by. ambulance, there was work in progress and therefore the highway was blocked, only one lane was open"
Step 4. Observe if he is feeling uneasy
You may notice signs of hesitation in the voice. If the spouse is lying, this behavior can denote anxiety. Do you take a lot of pauses while talking? It can be a wake-up call.
- For example, ask your wife where she has been all day and she lies to you by answering like this: "Oh, um … I was … Um … I was with my friend Gianna".
- Pausing a lot or getting stuck in a conversation can indicate a certain intention of lying. In fact, much more mental energy is needed to maintain and tell a lie than to tell the truth. This is especially true if a person is asked a more complex question: they will need time to formulate an answer relevant to their story.
Step 5. Talk to an eyewitness
To unmask your spouse, it can be helpful to find someone who can contradict their side of the story. You have to be careful with this method, as the witness himself is capable of lying or being inaccurate. It would be best to talk to several people to get a more accurate answer. If you only talk to the co-worker who was allegedly in the company of your wife, she may be confirming this version, but it is possible that she is trying to protect her. Either way, if two or more coworkers say your wife was there, then that's probably true.
- For example, you could ask your husband if he was at work during office hours, as he himself said. At that point, you can ask some witnesses, in this case his colleagues, if he told you the truth.
- If two or more witnesses claim he was lying, then you can more confidently confirm that this is the case.
Advice
See a therapist to resolve more difficult marital disagreements
Warnings
- Lying can cause a lack of trust, cause isolation, and lead to divorce.
- There is no absolutely precise method of detecting a lie, not even the polygraph is.
- Arguing in front of children can harm them emotionally.
- The claims made by eyewitnesses are often divergent.
