Has lying become second nature to you? Once you get used to it, it can be difficult to start telling the truth again. Lying can be as addictive as smoking or drinking; it gives you comfort and can become a fallback mechanism when you have to deal with unpleasant sensations. Like any addiction, stopping lying is essential to your well-being. Here's how to create a program to stop lying forever.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Deciding to Stop Lying
Step 1. Try to understand why you lie
People often start telling lies very early on. Maybe as a child you realized that you could get away with it more often if you lied, and you continued to do so during adolescence and beyond to get out of the difficult situations that we all encounter in life sooner or later. Knowing the roots of your problem is the first step to change.
- Do you tell lies to control situations? When you can find a clear pattern that allows you to get what you want with a lie, telling the truth is tough. Maybe you've gotten used to lying because others do what you want.
- Do you tell lies to look better? The pressure of competition overwhelms us from the moment we are able to understand what it means. Lying is an easy way to pave the way for us at work, in the social circle, and even with the people we love.
- Maybe you tell lies to console yourself. Telling the truth is sometimes really difficult; causes tension, discomfort and embarrassment. Lying to others, and sometimes even to oneself, spares us the confrontation with situations and feelings that make us uncomfortable.
Step 2. Decide why you want to quit
Why stop lying if it makes life easier? If you don't find reasons to quit, it will be harder to become a more honest person. Think carefully about how lies affect your perception of yourself, and of course your life. Here are some good reasons to stop lying:
- Feeling like an honest person again. When you tell lies, you detach yourself from reality. You hide parts of yourself and project something false into the world. Doing it all the time has a negative effect on your ethics and self-esteem. You deserve the relief of being able to tell the truth about yourself to the world. You deserve to be known for who you really are. Regaining the ability to feel proud of your true identity is probably the main reason that can push you to stop telling lies.
- To communicate with others again. Lying to others prevents you from really communicating with them. Relationships are based on people's ability to share. The more you reveal about yourself, the closer you get. If you are unable to be honest with other people, you will not be able to make friends and you will not feel an active part of your community.
- To regain the trust of others. Lying can not only hurt physically, but when it serves to manipulate the behavior of others it cancels their free will and their right to make choices based on truth. If the people you know have discovered your lies, they will protect themselves by taking away their trust. The only way to regain another person's trust is to start being honest, and continue on that path until people start trusting you again. This could take years, so best start right away.
Step 3. Commit to change
Treat your tendency to lie as you would treat any addiction by making a commitment to quit. It will take a lot of work and devotion, so set a date by which you want to be honest again and set up a plan to be successful. Reading this article is a good start.
Method 2 of 3: Make a Plan
Step 1. Get help
You may feel alone on your mission to the truth, but there are people who have already gone through this experience and can help you. It is difficult to break free from an addiction on your own. Get in touch with people who can advise you and help you achieve your goal.
- Work with a therapist. Talking to someone who has a clinical background and experience in helping people who have the same problem will be crucial as you move from the status of a liar to that of an honest person.
- Talk to your loved ones. There are people close to you who will want to help you become truthful, even if they have been hurt by your lies. If you feel comfortable, talk about your intention to stop lying to your parents, siblings, or a close friend - they can help and support you.
- Join a support group. Talking to other people who fully understand what you are going through is unmatched. Look for an online support group or even a group that meets periodically in your area.
Step 2. Identify what makes you lie
To stop lying altogether, identify situations, emotions, people, or places that tend to make you tell lies. Once you know what triggers your lies, you can either avoid it or find a way to deal with it honestly.
- Do you tend to lie when you feel a certain way? Maybe you absolutely want to excel at school or at work, for example, and tell lies to temporarily allay the anxiety you feel. Try to find other ways to manage it.
- Do you lie to specific people? Maybe you lie to your father instead of facing his reaction to your low grades. You need to learn to manage this behavior in a healthier way.
Step 3. If you can't tell the truth, don't say anything
When you're facing one of the situations where you usually tell a lie, don't talk. If you can't be honest at the time, it's best to just sit back or change the subject. You don't have to answer questions if you don't want to, or even reveal information if you don't feel like it.
- If someone asks you a direct question and you feel you can't answer honestly, you can tell them you prefer not to answer. It might be a little embarrassing, but it's always better than a lie.
- Avoid situations that usually make you say something untrue. In group conversations where everyone brags about their successes, for example, the temptation to lie may be too strong.
- Pay attention to any signs in your body that indicate that you are about to lie. Maybe you lower your eyes and your heart beats faster; if you feel this is going to happen, detach yourself from the situation so you won't tell lies.
Step 4. Practice telling the truth
If you lie often, telling the truth takes training. The trick is to think before you speak, and decide to say something true instead of something false. Again, if they ask you a question that you can't answer honestly, don't. The more often you tell the truth, the easier it will become.
- Practice with strangers or on an online forum. Telling the truth to people you have no connection with can be liberating, also because there will be no consequences.
- When it comes to people you know, practice being honest about neutral topics that you feel able to discuss. Offer honest opinions, or start with simple information, such as your plans for the weekend or what you ate for breakfast.
- If you have a hard time talking about yourself, talk about news, politics, sports, philosophy or economics, a recipe you've tried, your favorite TV series, a concert you want to go to, someone else's life, your dog or time. The important thing is to get used to telling the truth.
Step 5. Learn to deal with the consequences
At some point, telling the truth will put you in one of those situations you've always avoided by telling lies. You will have to confess that you did not follow the rules, or reveal that you are unemployed, or that you did not get the part you auditioned for, or you will have to tell someone that you are not interested in being in a relationship with him / her. Dealing with the consequences, even if unpleasant, is always better than lying as it strengthens character and builds trusting relationships with other people.
- Be prepared to face the reactions of others. Maybe hearing the truth could trigger a negative comment or reaction that you don't like. If this happens, you can be proud that you have told the truth, and be aware that you are approaching problems with strength and sincerity instead of finding a way out.
- Work to earn the trust of people who may not believe you at first. If a particular person has discovered your lies more than once, it will take a while before they can take your word for it. Keep working on it, since the only way to regain someone's trust is to continue being honest. The next time you tell a lie, you'll find yourself back where you started.
Method 3 of 3: Keep Being Honest
Step 1. Recognize the patterns that make you go out of your way
As you begin to get used to telling the truth, the patterns that led you to lie will become clearer. It is important to be aware of what can tempt you so that you don't revert to old habits.
- Learn to destroy patterns starting from the root of your anxiety. If you have to face an event that makes you anxious, and because of which you may find it difficult to be honest, learn to manage anxiety in a different way.
- Don't be too hard on yourself when you're wrong. Being honest is hard, and we all make mistakes every now and then. Remember that there is only one way to remedy: don't lie. Keep being honest. Don't let the old patterns get the better of your life.
Step 2. Make honesty the focus of your personality
Honesty is a highly valued character trait in all cultures and societies. It is a quality that is perfected by staying strong in difficult situations year after year. Make it the truth, not the lie, your automatic response when you face the challenges of life.
- Acknowledging the sincerity of other people can be helpful when you are trying to live an honest life. Who do you admire? Ask yourself what this person would do or say if you struggle to be honest in a difficult situation.
- Look for role models - spiritual leaders, book characters, philosophers, social movement leaders, and so on. Everyone lies every now and then, but honest people always try to do the right thing.
Step 3. Build healthy relationships
The more honest and trustworthy you are, the more people will trust you. Trust is the basis of great friendships, love stories, and stimulates a sense of belonging. Cast out loneliness and create communion. When you stop telling lies, you gain the freedom to be yourself and be accepted by others for who you are.
Advice
- Often lying is the result of a sense of inadequacy, or the need to protect the truth as it makes us feel less vulnerable. Learning to accept the truth is everyone's right; take a deep breath, think about the person you are talking to and what they would say if they find out you are lying, open your mouth and tell the truth. After you will feel relieved.
- If you lie often and about many things, know that you cannot stop overnight. It's like a drug, it's hard to quit. Start slowing down. Your parents taught you that when you are about to tell a lie you should stop and ask yourself "Is this wrong?". Also try asking yourself "Is this a lie?". It takes time, but you'll stop if you really try. Also ask yourself how you would feel if people kept lying to you.
- Express your feelings. "Sam, I'm so sorry for what I did. I hate myself. I told Kim you like him, even though you asked me not to. Can you ever forgive me?"
