Maybe you think that in a past life you were Sherlock Holmes, or you think you have a mind that perfectly matches its characteristics, or you are probably simply having an identity crisis and feel the need to take on that of a fictional character (hey, it happens). Whatever your motivation, this is a perfect guide on how to be Sherlock Holmes.
Steps
Step 1. Develop your mind
While Sherlock Holmes knows a lot, he would be nothing without his mind (the rest is superfluous). If you are going to be Sherlock Holmes you will need an IQ of about twice your height in cm, and you will need to know how to use this intellect. It's good and right to be bright, but being smart (which means having the ability to process information, and not just random facts that you remember for no reason at all) is key. But don't worry, you can acquire this skill… it just takes practice. The brain is a muscle: exercise it.
Step 2. Develop keen observation skills
The other half of Holmes' absolute genius (aside from actually being a genius) is his ability to grasp the details, and then convert facts into conjectures, using the science of deduction. Learn to spot these details that become facts, and use your intellect to narrow down the possible causes before you extrapolate something about a person you didn't know before.
Step 3. Study people
Being a highly skilled genius is only half the fun. The most important part and what makes Holmes the real Holmes is the fact that he knows exactly how to prove it. It's not what a man did, but what can make you think you've done what really matters. Learn the art of showing what you know… without showing that you are insecure about yourself and without showing yourself to gain approval from others.
Step 4. Be unsociable
The other side of studying people, is that moment when you realize you understand people so well that you will prefer to talk to a skull (well, I told you, man …). Part of Holmes' charm is that he doesn't have any, and frankly, the only way you can get your job done is to stop going to parties every weekend. You will have to learn to spend hours, days with yourself. Hey, it can be fun! Right, Yorick?
Step 5. Move to London, England (if you are not already there)
While you're there, you should purchase a medium or pronounced British accent if you don't already have that as well. It is really important.
Step 6. Get some chemistry lab supplies, or access to a lab, and of course some knowledge in chemistry
Chemistry is absolutely important to Holmes, and especially today that chemistry can be used to analyze blood, soil, pollen, etc. It is imperative to have an excellent understanding of all things chemical, to help you solve crimes.
Step 7. Erase your hard drive, and empty your attic
.. metaphorically, of course. Your mind is your storage device. Normal people fill their attics with all sorts of useless junk that gets in the way of useful things. Optimize; you only need to know the things that concern your profession, everything else is irrelevant and therefore useless. It doesn't matter if the Earth revolves around the Sun, or the Sun around the Earth, or 'round and round, how beautiful the world is… it doesn't MATTER, Holmes!
Step 8. Learn to play the violin
This will also help you think, and provide you with a fun way to torture someone around you (if it's three in the morning). Also, by pinching the diminished strings you can induce flies to fly counterclockwise, to catch them and put them in a glass bottle.
Step 9. Cut out all your other interests
Holmes feels he is truly married to his work… and you, like Holmes, obviously have to share this point of view. You are only allowed to work on one criminal at a time who can outwit you on multiple occasions.
Step 10. Find a mate, and then convince him to move in with you
A doctor would be better, or at least someone who has been involved in some military intervention (and you should move into an apartment). It shouldn't be too difficult to find a military doctor who has worked in Afghanistan these days. Your partner will help you formulate your ideas, and will save you, should the case ever arise.
Step 11. Become the only consulting detective in the world
Advice
- Learn to handle a gun! As well as other fighting techniques, including Bartitsu fencing and the martial art of stick fighting. You never know when you want to push Moriarty off a waterfall.
- When you are working on a case, it is imperative that you do not eat the whole time you are working, you cannot allow the blood to leave your brain for the digestive system. Also, not sleeping or not talking can be helpful, on several levels.
- Raise bees. You will learn a lot about human nature.
- Under the influence of cocaine, you may feel the urge to fire shots at the wall. You could recreate the silhouette of "EIIR" (Queen Elizabeth II, who, if you weren't careful, is the current Queen of England.) "VR" (Queen Victoria) would be quite obsolete, and probably a betrayal.
- Being a man is a useful trait, as well as being 1.80m tall and between 35 and 50 years old.
Warnings
- Being a world famous detective not only puts you in danger on a daily basis, but could also make you an easy target for the various psychopaths who want to compare their intelligence to yours. This should be considered the pinnacle of your working career.
- Smoking is potentially harmful to your health, as well as to your helper (you don't want Watson to die from secondhand smoke, what would we do?) You can stick a band-aid on yourself.
- Mrs. Hudson is your hostess, not your housekeeper!
- Being an antisocial hermit who talks to skulls can make your life a little harder to cope with, if you weren't already shunned by society in advance.
- If your apartment is old enough, you can expose yourself to harmful chemicals like lead and asbestos when you dump your gun into an old plaster wall.
- Cocaine is definitely bad for your health and illegal. Bad idea, Sherlock.
- Most of your chemical experiments will most likely end badly.
