Sometimes detaching from an emotionally painful situation can be the healthiest solution. When the pain is too intense, overwhelming or potentially dangerous (it can lead you to, for example, harm yourself or use drugs), when it comes at an inopportune moment (for example while you are at school, at work or in a risky place) and in all those situations in which you do not feel comfortable expressing the emotions that pain causes you (for example when you are in the company of people you do not have full confidence in), the best thing to do is to be able to detach yourself from emotional suffering. To do this, you must learn to manage difficult emotions, to listen to yourself and your needs and to practice the most effective techniques for emotional detachment.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Managing Emotions
Step 1. Analyze the reasons for your most intense emotional reactions
To learn to be emotionally detached, you need to gain a deep understanding of your behaviors. There are three main reasons for your emotional being:
- You are a highly sensitive person.
- The current situation reminded you of a particularly painful past event.
- You feel that you are not in control of the current situation, as a result you experience intense anger and frustration.
Step 2. Understand the difference between a healthy and a dangerous emotional detachment
Especially when the emotion is too painful or overwhelming to be handled in the present moment, it is normal and natural to want to detach from it. Nonetheless, when taken to the extreme, emotional detachment from others is associated with psychopathy, a mental disorder that allows individuals to harm others without feeling any remorse. Even a strong trauma can be the origin of a case of extreme emotional detachment.
- Wanting to detach yourself from a situation that arouses intense painful emotions is a completely healthy choice. Sometimes, when emotions are too intense, you may feel that you don't have the ability to handle them. Be careful though, if you tend to constantly isolate yourself from others or show abnormal numbness (not feeling any emotion), you may be suffering from a serious psychological condition.
- Signs that may indicate a need for therapy include: social isolation, a willingness to withdraw from social activities, intense fear of rejection, recurring feelings of anxiety and depression, difficulty completing tasks (school or work) and frequent social conflicts or physical fights.
Step 3. Accept your emotional state
Paradoxically, learning to accept our emotions as normal can help us detach ourselves from them when we feel the need to take a break. We often wish to dismiss our feelings because we do not consider them appropriate, without realizing that those same emotions contain important information about our situation and our perceptions. Like physical pain, negative emotions (anger, fear, sadness, anxiety, stress) are signals transmitted by the brain to alert us to the presence of a problem.
- The next time you feel a painful emotion, such as anger, stop and think, "I feel angry because _. This anger shows me how I react to this situation and helps me decide how to handle it. Being angry is good." Anger itself is not a problem, the focus should be on how you decide to behave accordingly. You can choose to ignore it or hold it back, but next time it may come back with greater force.
- Being able to accept emotion and manage it in a healthy way means depriving it of its power and being able to detach from it without risk when you feel the need.
- When you feel the painful emotion coming, try to direct your attention elsewhere, also start breathing more deeply to induce a state of calm in the body. Moving the focus activates a cognitive process associated with the reduction of anxiety, while taking deep breaths triggers a body mechanism that stimulates a state of rest.
- You can resist emotion in other ways too, for example by taking a nap, doing an art project, taking a walk, giving yourself a massage, playing with your pet, making yourself a hot drink, listening to good music or kissing your pet. partner.
Step 4. Express your emotions in a safe place
Giving yourself time to reflect on your feelings while feeling safe is key to being able to detach from them when you feel it is necessary. Find some time for yourself every day.
Learn to cry on your own. Crying in front of someone who is harassing you will only provoke an additional attack or a feeling of derision. Breathe deeply and try to think about something else to avoid processing the current situation, thus preventing any crying. But remember that holding back sadness isn't healthy. Do your best to resist until the current situation ends; as soon as your antagonist is gone you will be free to vent your emotions through crying
Step 5. Write down your thoughts and emotions
. Just as it is harmful to hold back from crying, it is harmful to keep negative emotions, such as anger and frustration, within oneself. Transferring negative feelings and thoughts to paper (or computer) will help you process and manage difficult emotions, allowing you to detach from them when you feel it is necessary.
- Describe your feelings in the pages of a secret diary.
- To avoid ruminating on your negative thoughts, make an effort to consider the situation from a different point of view. By transferring your feelings to the pages of your diary, for example, try transforming a negative thought such as "That man is such an idiot!" in one similar to "That man may have had a difficult life and know no other way to deal with anger or sadness." A little empathy can work wonders in helping you deal with difficult people and situations.
Step 6. Distract yourself
Instead of just ignoring the emotion or situation, think about or dedicate yourself to something different. Often when you try to stop thinking about something, you end up focusing on it even more. Known in English as the "white-bear phenomenon", this was the subject of a study in which a group of people were asked not to think of a white bear; the result showed that the participants couldn't think of anything else. Instead of trying hard not to think about what's troubling you, try focusing on something else.
Distract yourself with activities like gardening, reading, playing, music, painting, drawing or cooking, or chat with a friend
Step 7. Engage in physical activity
Go for a walk, a bike ride, or any different cardio activity. Doing aerobic exercise has been shown to promote the release of endorphins, promoting greater control and better management of your emotional reactions. Exercising also helps you to get distracted and stay focused.
Consider the following physical activities: hiking, rowing, kayaking, gardening, house cleaning, skipping, dancing, kick boxing, yoga, pilates, zumba, running, walking, push-ups, and abdominal exercises
Method 2 of 3: Focus on Yourself
Step 1. Reflect on yourself
Observing yourself from the outside in an objective way allows you to detach yourself in a healthy way from the negative emotion. This technique is sometimes called the "third eye", as it allows you to have an additional view of yourself from the outside.
- Just stay with yourself, so just observe your feelings and thoughts. Ask yourself: "How am I feeling today? What am I thinking about?"
- You can also try to observe yourself in social situations. Pay attention to what you say, how you behave and what emotions you express.
Step 2. Legitimate yourself
Self-empowerment is an important component of learning to be emotionally detached. To legitimize thoughts and emotions means considering them reasonable and acceptable.
Use positive internal dialogue. Tell yourself: "Having these emotions is normal and natural. While I prefer not to show it, I know it's okay to feel this way."
Step 3. Establish emotional boundaries
Setting emotional boundaries means prioritizing your needs by setting limits on what you intend to tolerate from others. If possible, avoid people who irritate or upset you, such as neighbors or colleagues.
Try to set boundaries by expressing your feelings sincerely, letting people know how you feel and what you want from them. For example, when your brother makes fun of you, try saying, "The fact that you make fun of me makes me angry, I would like you to stop." It could also be useful to clarify the consequences of exceeding the limits imposed, in our example you could say: "If you don't stop, I will leave so that you can no longer torment me". This way you will be able to express your angry feelings calmly, without going into a rage
Method 3 of 3: Applying Techniques for Emotional Detachment
Step 1. Use rationality
In accordance with dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), aimed at reducing impulsive and self-injurious behaviors through the learning of skills useful for managing emotional stress, the human being has an emotional and a rational mind. Our wise mind is a combination of emotions and rational thinking. The key to temporarily detaching yourself from emotional pain is to use the wise mind, which represents the perfect balance between the logical and emotional parts of your brain. Instead of just reacting emotionally, try to evaluate the situation rationally.
- Acknowledge your feelings by saying, "Emotions are natural, even the most intense ones are only fleeting. I am able to calm down and understand the reasons for my reaction."
- Ask yourself, "Will this situation still matter in 1, 5 or 10 years? How will my life really be affected?"
- Ask yourself if your thinking is based on a real fact or on an invention of your mind. What is the correct perspective?
Step 2. Stay aware to be able to maintain an emotional distance
When you need to empathize with someone, but don't want to be overwhelmed or overwhelmed by their emotions, creating emotional distance can help. Becoming aware will help you achieve a level of empathy that includes the right degree of emotional distance to reduce the chances of being overwhelmed by the other person's emotions.
- Make an effort to consciously eat a piece of food (such as a grape, piece of apple, or candy). First focus on its external appearance, color and shape, then pay attention to the sensations you feel holding it, recognizing its texture and temperature. Finally savor a small piece of it slowly and notice its flavor and density. Make a commitment to stay alert and aware throughout the entire experience.
- Take a mindful walk. Walk for about twenty minutes focusing exclusively on the act of walking and on what happens in the environment around you. How does the air feel on your skin? Is it a hot, cold, windy, quiet day? What sounds do you hear? Are the birds singing, is someone talking or maybe you hear a siren sound? What do you feel about moving your body? What do your eyes see? Can you spot animals or trees swaying with the wind?
- Bring your attention back to the present moment without getting carried away by thoughts, emotions, or other personal reactions. Mindfulness requires that you remain focused on the "here and now" and aware of your reactions. Being aware means knowing how to accept and let go of painful emotions and thoughts and recognize your ideas as assumptions and not as truth.
Step 3. Breathe deeply
When you are stressed, your body and mind naturally become tense. Take slow, deep breaths to prevent an oxygen deficiency from aggravating the situation.
Get into a comfortable position and take slow, deep breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Concentrate all your attention on the breath and the sensations caused by the air entering and leaving the body. You will need to do diaphragmatic breathing, so make sure your stomach expands and contracts completely with each breath. The sensation should be that of inflating and deflating a balloon with each inhalation and exhalation. Continue to breathe deeply for at least 5 minutes
Step 4. Do bioenergetics exercises to ground yourself in reality
Bioenergetics is a self-awareness and presence development technique that includes exercises that teach you to detach yourself from emotional pain.
Experiment with some of the following practices: Mentally count to 100, count imaginary sheep, count the number of objects in the room, mentally name all European states or list as many colors as possible. Any logical mental activity that can distract you from the current situation will be fine
Step 5. Get in the habit
Over time your mind will learn to archive situations and naturally think logically and rationally. The more you practice, the better you will become at detaching yourself from painful emotions.
