Borderline Personality Disorder can create many difficulties, both for people who are affected by it and for those who are close to them. If someone close to you suffers from this disorder, it will probably seem impossible to avoid getting involved in the whirlwind of their emotions. Therefore, you need to be understanding with those with this mental condition, but at the same time, don't neglect your emotional health and well-being. To maintain a good relationship with a borderline person, set healthy limits on what you can tolerate and not tolerate. Decide and maintain your limits by specifying how far you can go, clearly explaining them to the person you love and staying true to what you have established.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Choosing Your Limits
Step 1. Prioritize your well-being
Many people fail to set personal boundaries because they feel guilty in doing so or because they believe their needs don't matter. However, your needs are as important as anyone else's, and you need to be mentally and emotionally well in order to help others and fulfill your responsibilities. Therefore, setting limits does not respond to a selfish interest, but it is your right.
In the long run, you will find that building healthy rules within the relationship will not only benefit you, but also the person suffering from BPD, because it will give a clearer sense to the structure and expectations of your relationship
Step 2. Define your limits
First think about the boundaries you intend to establish with the person you love and your motivations. To do this, try to think of everything that matters to you. By setting valid and motivated conditions, you have the opportunity to protect the things you care about most and you will avoid feeling pressured during activities or situations that go against your way of life.
For example, if a friend wants to talk to you on the phone every night when, in fact, you would rather spend this time with your family, you may decide not to answer after a certain time
Step 3. Specify what the consequences will be
It is important to understand how you intend to keep your rules if the person you love does not respect them. If you do not specify what the consequences will be and do not implement them, those in front of you will not take the limits you have set seriously. To be effective, the consequences should come automatically as a result of the other person's behavior.
For example, you might determine that if your partner raises his voice again, you will be away from home for a few hours until he calms down
Step 4. Be prepared for the other person's reactions when they become aware of your limitations
She may get angry, hurt, or embarrassed when you tell her she has to behave differently. She will likely take this change personally, accuse you of not loving her, or oppose it. Decide how to handle the various reactions so you don't get caught off guard.
Part 2 of 4: Coping with the Conversation
Step 1. Choose a time when both of you are calm
Limits are a very delicate issue. Make confrontation easier by introducing speech when both of you are predisposed to dialogue. Avoid talking about it during or immediately after an argument. The conversation won't be profitable if the other person gets defensive or gets nervous.
Introduce the subject by saying, "Are you free for a minute? Is there something I'd like to talk to you about."
Step 2. Outline your limits firmly and clearly
Be direct when communicating to the other person how far they can go in your relationship. Be kind, but don't apologize and don't hold back. Explain exactly what you need from her without any ambiguity.
To avoid getting offended, use a calm, non-hostile tone
Step 3. Explain why you want to set your limits
It may be painful for the other person to hear about new rules on which to base your relationship. However, it is important that you understand the reason you made this decision. Be kind, but honest about your motives.
- Formulate your explanations without accusing, but focus on your needs rather than the other party's misconduct.
- For example, if your spouse has mood swings that you struggle to manage, you might say, "It's really exhausting trying to guess how you feel at any moment. I need more emotional stability."
Step 4. Reassure her by telling her how much you appreciate her
People with borderline personality disorder may feel offended when someone places limits on them. Make sure you reassure the person you love that you are not pushing them away and that your relationship is still important to you.
- Emphasize to what extent the limits to be adopted will benefit both of you. You will help her understand that you are not setting rules just to try to push her back.
- For example, you might say to a friend, "I think if we each spend more time on our own, it will be good for both of us in the long run. When I dedicate some time to myself, I have more energy to socialize. so I think this solution will allow both of us to have more fun when we are together."
Step 5. Avoid letting the other person make you feel guilty
Perhaps it will try to make you feel sorry that you are trying to set boundaries in your relationship. Don't let it affect you by manipulating you emotionally. You have every right to safeguard your well-being.
Part 3 of 4: Staying True to Established Limits
Step 1. Implement the expected consequences
If the other person doesn't respect your boundaries, act accordingly. It is important to always act in this way. Otherwise, you won't be taken seriously.
Once he realizes that you mean it, he will accept the rules you have set and stop provoking you
Step 2. Avoid giving an ultimatum unless you are talking seriously
If you don't tolerate the other person's behavior, you will be tempted to impose an ultimatum on them just to get them to cooperate. However, keep in mind that an either-or loses its effectiveness if you don't intend to stick to it. Therefore, avoid making categorical requests if you have not thought carefully and are not fully able to go through with it.
Step 3. Don't be too stiff
Creating and respecting limits is a path, not an isolated episode. Don't hesitate to change them if you find that something doesn't suit you. Therefore, discuss any changes you might make with the other person to clarify your expectations for your relationship.
Step 4. Distance yourself if necessary
Sometimes, despite good intentions and efforts to establish boundaries that bring balance to a relationship, interactions with a person with borderline personality disorder struggle to improve. If she refuses to cooperate or is abusive towards you, it's probably best to end the relationship.
Put your safety and mental well-being first. You are not obliged to maintain a romantic relationship or a relationship of friendship with those who do not respect you or ignore your needs
Part 4 of 4: Understanding Bipolar Personality Disorder
Step 1. Recognize the symptoms so that you can set appropriate boundaries that are compassionate yet balanced
Knowing what is normal and what is not for someone with this type of disorder can help you identify boundaries that are right for both of you.
- For example, you may be upset when your partner becomes paranoid due to stress and this may tempt you to set a limit such as "Don't tell me about your problems when they have no basis." The problem is that this paranoia could be a symptom of bipolar disorder and your partner can't do anything about it; In the long run, rejecting him when he needs support will harm both of us. Instead, say, "Let me know when you have an intense bout of paranoia. We'll talk about it together for a few minutes and then sit side by side in the other room until you calm down."
- Other symptoms include fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, changes in self-image perception, impulsive behavior, suicidal tendencies, mood swings, and anger or a sense of inner emptiness.
Step 2. Consider the possible causes
Although the causes of this mental illness are not completely clear, it is possible that environmental factors such as child abuse or neglect have had some impact on the person's growth, as well as brain or genetic abnormalities. Keeping in mind that bipolar disorder could stem from trauma, genetic problems, or both will help you maintain some degree of understanding as you tackle the issue of setting some boundaries.
You could say, for example, "I know that your disorder is something you can't always control and that it is related to a painful moment in your past. I'm not going to bring those moments back to your memory by setting stakes, I just want to help myself. so that I can give you the best possible support."
Step 3. Understand the facets of bipolar disorder so that you can set boundaries more comprehensively
Bipolar disorder is a difficult and turbulent mental illness, often characterized by an intense fear of abandonment and a very recurrent pattern of intense and unstable relationships. Recognizing the effect of these symptoms can help you better understand this person's reaction to your desire to set stakes.
If the person you love has this extreme aversion to separation, you understand that they may be agitated when you address the subject of setting personal boundaries, because they would take it as a rejection or estrangement. He may be thinking of past complicated relationships and fearful of losing you too. Approach the conversation with compassion and empathy, reassuring the person that you don't intend to leave, but that you just want to help both of them
Step 4. Help your loved one cope with the disease
Offer to accompany her to her doctor's visits, spend quality time together doing things that both of us enjoy, and let her know how much you care. Showing love and support will make her more willing to see things from your point of view, helping her understand why you need to have healthy boundaries.
