A sociopath can be defined as a person who has antisocial personality disorder. This disorder is characterized by a contempt for the feelings of others, a lack of remorse or shame, manipulative behavior, uncontrolled self-centeredness, and the ability to lie in order to achieve one's goals. Sociopaths, at worst, can be dangerous or just plain very difficult to deal with and it's important to know if you've found yourself with a sociopath, if it's someone you're dating or an unmanageable co-worker. If you want to know how to spot a sociopath, you need to pay attention to what the person says or does. Start reading.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Read the Signals
Step 1. Observe his absence of remorse
Most sociopaths can commit vile deeds without feeling the slightest remorse. Such actions may include physical violence or humiliation of another person in public.
- When a sociopath does something wrong, they are likely not to accept their own faults and instead attribute them to others.
- Sociopaths are willing to hurt anyone whenever they need to achieve their goals. This is why many sociopaths are very successful people, sadly.
- Sociopaths can be cruel to animals and will show absolutely no remorse for their meanness either.
Step 2. Notice if this person is constantly lying
Sociopaths are perfectly at ease, spending their lives telling a variety of lies. In fact, true sociopaths are uncomfortable when they assert the truth. If a lie of theirs is eventually discovered, then they will continue to lie and backtrack to cover up their lies. If they are really on the verge of being caught out with a lie - it must be really huge, though - they can brutally confess everything in order to keep your loyalty.
- For example, they might promise to seek help but never start doing it, or make a few small changes and then quickly revert to old habits.
- Sociopaths also love to lie about their past. Look for inconsistencies in their stories.
- Some sociopaths will insist on making you believe their lies. For example, a sociopath may pretend to go out "to go to work" every single day even if, in reality, they are unemployed.
- Many sociopaths are delusional to the point of believing their lies are the truth. For example, Charles Manson once said, "I've never killed anyone! I don't need to kill anyone!"
Step 3. Notice if they are capable of being fearfully calm despite the circumstances
A sociopath can experience a highly emotional event without feeling the slightest emotion. These people do not perceive events in the same way as non-sociopaths and may react only minimally in dangerous or frightening situations.
- If you find yourself in a situation where you are agitated or panicked and the person with you seems barely upset, then they may not feel as seriously as you do.
- Try to notice if the person has ever seemed anxious or nervous, especially in situations that, by their very nature, should cause this kind of behavior. While some individuals are more balanced than others, most people exhibit some form of anxiety.
- Also, consider whether they have ever reacted strongly emotionally to a situation where this seemed unwarranted. This could be a fabricated (fake) emotion, or it could have been a defense mechanism.
- Studies show that sociopaths show no anxiety when viewing disturbing images or when given small electric shocks, while non-sociopaths register anxiety and fear in these situations.
Step 4. Find out if he is very charming - at first
Sociopaths know how to charm, because they know how to get what they want. These kinds of individuals know how to make others feel special, how to ask the right questions about themselves, and how to be generally perceived as funny, likeable and interesting. Truly charming people have the ability to attract virtually anyone, from small children to old ladies. If the person is incredibly charming at first, while their subsequent behavior frightens or confuses you, then you may have a sociopath on your hands.
- The person in question may go to great lengths to help strangers or be incredibly generous with people they barely know. However, it could be the exact opposite with close family and friends.
- You can think of sociopaths as scam artists who always have a secret agenda. They need to know how to charm others in order to get what they want. To achieve their goals, they first have to blend in with the crowd, which means they need to know how to smile, greet people, and make them feel comfortable.
- While many sociopaths can be truly charming, they harbor strong antisocial inclinations and can remain in isolation - without feeling any deprivation - for weeks at a time.
Step 5. Notice if the person is manipulative
Sociopaths understand human weakness and make the most of it. Once this is determined, they can manipulate individuals to do anything. They prey on weak people and often stay away from equally strong ones; they seek out individuals who are sad, insecure, or looking for meaning in life, because they know these people are targets that offer little resistance. Check to see if she's good at getting others to do what she wants.
- True sociopaths will slowly take over and control a person without them noticing. They love to be in control of every situation and feel uncomfortable being with other strong people.
- When they are close to strong people, they are afraid of getting caught. They keep their distance and, from a distance, give small glances to the "strong" person, to see if they are noticed. Once they feel exposed, they will try to leave the scene… always with an excuse that doesn't make sense.
- Much of their domination arises through psychological warfare, creating the other person's dependence on them. Like a poison, their plan is to weaken people over time. They think that by staying invisible they can avoid getting hurt.
- Notice if the person is completely comfortable with deceiving people and blatantly telling lies to get what they want.
Step 6. Look for signs of violent behavior
As children, some sociopaths torture helpless animals such as frogs or puppies, kittens or even helpless people. This aggression is never for defense. They run into nonsense or twist what others say. If this is pointed out to them, they will point the finger at you, leveraging people's empathy for protection, at least until they are exposed. Their blaming others can be a tactic to avoid getting caught or to create confusion during confrontation.
If you have the feeling that, despite the person being outwardly calm, they can snap and become violent at any moment, then it could be sociopathic behavior
Step 7. Notice if the person has a huge ego
Sociopaths often have delusions of grandeur and think they are the best in the world. They are completely insensitive to criticism and have an extremely inflated sense of themselves. They also have a huge sense of what is due, thinking that they deserve amazing things to happen to them, even with very little effort.
- They may also have a completely unrealistic consideration of their own abilities; for example, they may think they are extremely talented at singing or dancing, while in reality they have virtually no skills in these fields.
- He may even think he is the best of all, with no evidence that he is.
- The person can also be completely narcissistic. Thus, she is much more interested in talking about herself than in hearing what others have to say. Additionally, he spends a great deal of time looking in the mirror rather than observing others in the world. The person, in general, does not want to hear what anyone else has to say.
Step 8. Notice if the person has few true friends
While not everyone is lucky in the friend lottery, you should worry if the person in question has virtually no real friends. She may have lackeys, people who are around her just to be useful, but try to see if the person has meaningful relationships with others. If he has practically no friends, then there is a high chance that something will not come back, unless he is very shy or has another real reason for this lack of friends.
- This also applies to family members. If the person is not in contact with any family members and never talks about them, there may be a problem, too. Of course, that person may have other reasons not to talk about these people, such as having a difficult childhood.
- Look for a lack of connection to the past. If the person has virtually no friends from high school, college, or any past period of their life, then they may be a sociopath.
Step 9. Notice if this person likes to isolate you
Sociopaths like to meet people with whom they can quickly become intimate. This is because you don't have a chance to back down or change your mind. It is possible that, after a few weeks, the sociopathic person is moving very intensely around you, if you are romantically involved. It may even make you feel like you are soul mates, because he is so good at reading people that he can tell you exactly what you want to hear. Ultimately, the sociopath will want to have everyone around him, instead of "sharing" you with the world.
If you are dating someone in particular, the sociopath will quickly try to get you to stop dating your friends, because he feels threatened by them. He'll find a thousand excuses not to go out with your friends, saying things like, "They don't really support you like I do" or "They never gave me a chance." They play the victim in an extreme way and try to find a way to win all the consideration of the person they have under their gun. A sociopath tries to make you feel like you are the only person who can save him and will try to convince you that you have to spend all your time with him
Step 10. Notice if the person is immature
Sociopaths don't learn from their mistakes and repeat the same ones over and over again. Therefore, they neither grow nor develop as much as others. Look for the immature behavior that can be hidden under that veneer of a person with charisma and charm. Here are some behaviors to look for:
- Extreme selfishness. The person wants everything for himself at any cost. Added to this is an unwillingness to share.
- A huge ego. The person can be so obsessed with someone that they don't care about others.
- Dependence. The person can decide that you should be there with her or him whenever they want.
- Inability to be responsible. The person may not be willing or able to face or receive any form of meaningful responsibility. He could hand over any work to others and take credit for it, exempting himself from bankruptcy, or he will tend to avoid any liability entirely.
Step 11. Gaslighting
Since sociopaths lie and deceive, they have a tendency to convince the victim that she is the cause of the problem that the sociopath himself is causing. The medical terminology is "projection". This is a clear symptom of sociopathy.
- Blame yourself for what they did to you. If a person is lying and accusing you of being a liar, then they may be a sociopath.
- Make you feel crazy. If the person is doing something that pisses you off, but makes it seem crazy, then you are probably dealing with a sociopath.
Step 12. Intense, manipulative gaze
A sociopath's ego feeds on the annoyance his victim feels.
If the person has a cold, blank stare to intimidate you and shows no remorse for your nervousness, you are probably dealing with a sociopath
Part 2 of 2: Get away
Step 1. Don't give him anything he wants from you
When dealing with a sociopath, try to be so boring that you don't feed their need for arousal. Sociopaths get bored easily. It also means not offering them any emotional entertainment. Stay calm when talking to such people. Don't get excited and don't argue with them. Pretend you have nothing the sociopath could want. Pretend you've lost your money, have already stolen everything, etc. Whatever you can give him, find an excuse - in a non-confrontational and non-emotional way - to no longer be able to provide it.
Step 2. Stay away from it if you can
Once it is confirmed that the person is a full-blown sociopath, then it is best to avoid that person as much as possible. If it's a co-worker or friend of yours, then you won't be able to completely avoid it, but try to stay out of your way as much as humanly possible. Remember that a sociopath may be able to detect that you are trying to distance yourself and, as a result, want to attract you even more; remain strong and determined to spend as little time with this person as possible.
- This does not mean that you should be openly hostile or miserable, as you would risk putting yourself in a dangerous situation.
- Don't tell the person, "I know you're a sociopath." This can infuriate her or make her even more determined to win you over. Don't let her know you know about her; stay as adamant as you can without being rude.
Step 3. Try to be immune to its charm
He wants to charm you and win you over with gifts, compliments or stories in order to put himself in a favorable light. Remember, though, that once you understand that this person is a true sociopath, there is no going back. No charming behavior and no lies can prevail on his dark side. Don't let the person flatter you by giving them a second chance. You are smarter than her.
- In any case, keep in mind that it is normal to be insecure during this phase, because the sociopath knows very well how to make you doubt yourself through their altered view of reality.
- Don't give in. The sociopath can make you feel sorry for him or her by talking about how they feel or how important they think you are. But if this person is truly as bogus and manipulative as they are determined, then there is no way to have any real sympathy for him or her other than to be sorry that this person is suffering from a mental disorder.
Step 4. If you are dating this person, run away as quickly and safely as possible
The longer you wait, the worse things get and the more you will get sucked into his line of thinking. If you need to end the report, then you need to tell him right away; it is not necessary to say that you want to end the relationship because you think she is a sociopath.
- Stay vague about the reasons, so as not to risk providing him with ammunition with which he can manipulate you. Be firm in your decision, as you will likely have to reiterate and support it several times.
- Remember that there is a difference between a negligent person and a sociopath. You can call someone a sociopath just because they have treated you badly or are acting really selfishly, but that could just be a sign of poor character. A true sociopath doesn't care what the other thinks or feels - whatever the case.
- If you are in a controlling or manipulative relationship, then you may not be able to end it on your own. You may need to do this over the phone or with a friend there to help you if you need to collect your belongings. A sociopath cannot take no for an answer. If you try to end the relationship, the sociopath can go to desperate and even violent measures to get you to stay.
Step 5. Warn others
While you don't need to go around telling everyone that the person is a sociopath (unless that's really a danger to others), you should think about warning those in that person's circles. Definitely, warn whoever is thinking of dating her. Don't piss her off by telling everyone she's a sociopath. However, if a situation arises where a potential victim really needs to be warned, don't be afraid to say what you think.
Consider each case individually. If the person is a manager of your company, then yes, you probably shouldn't go around warning people, but you 'should' stay away as much as possible
Step 6. Think for yourself
Sociopaths are always on the hunt for a person who has trouble thinking about themselves or needs a lot of support. The best way to make yourself immune - or at least less susceptible to the charms of a sociopath - is to make sure you know who you are and that you are able to develop your ideas and see the world through your eyes. Sociopaths stay away from people with strong personalities and who think independently, because they know they will have a hard time controlling them.
- While it can take a lifetime to truly think about yourself, making an effort to be informed about current events, to understand the multiple perspectives of any situation, and to spend time with people whose beliefs are different from yours, it can take a very long time. to become a truly original thinker.
- Part of it is a question of trust. If you have confidence in yourself, you will also have more confidence in your ideas and will likely scare away any sociopaths you find in your way.
Step 7. Don't be afraid of the sociopath
Instead, use your thinking ability (as previously noted), your rationality, and a lot of calm to respond. For starters, a sociopath can fake everything, including all of the items listed above, so if this person is fake, there's little point in trying to get something out of it. Secondly, sociopaths are smart and this could be a source of anguish for you, if you try to keep up with them or want to be just as smart or as an accomplice or, more likely, dodge their overwhelming need to put the own intelligence and skill at the center of everything.
- If you give up fearing him, stop trying to be better than him or at his level, and instead accept yourself and appreciate what makes you worthy and valuable, a sociopath will have a hard time manipulating you. Most sociopaths are not murderers, sadists or monsters; they are human beings who must be handled with care. You don't choose to be a sociopath, just like you don't choose to be a victim of their pitfalls. However, a sociopath can make it harder or easier to manipulate the weaker, so the choice is up to you. Do some research on the means by which humans manipulate and mistreat each other and arm yourself with the methods by which to undermine that treatment and move on with your life.
- This does not mean that the sociopath will appreciate you if you display a strong self and refuse to be absorbed in it. However, he will stop wasting energy on you and making new attempts to manipulate you, because he will know that you will defend yourself, every single time. It would be boring and no sociopath likes boredom.
Advice
- If a person is the "too good to be true" type, they probably are. This is the case with any diagnosis of sociopathy, borderline and narcissism.
- Sociopaths often know very well how to make others believe they are the victims when they are the perpetrators.
- This type of person will tell you anything to be forgiven and then claim they never said anything like that to you. This is a tactic to confuse you.
- Some scientists believe that sociopaths suffer from damage to the prefrontal cerebral cortex, which regulates emotions, consciousness, etc.
- Sociopaths tend to blame the victim for their shortcomings. They can never admit that they are at fault and instead attack the victim. It is a key factor in any diagnosis of such ailments.
- Many of them are aware of having to hide the coldest traits of their personality and are excellent actors (they have adapted to being different); therefore, only those young, poorly intelligent and limited sociopaths engage in explicit behavior (i.e. they do not bother to hide their cruel traits and their asocial behavior.)
- Some experts believe that most sociopaths have been abused in childhood.
- Sociopathic behavior is highly inherited, so problems in the family must be looked at as a clue to a person's true personality.
- Know that sociopaths tend to lie about their past, so take most of what they say with the benefit of inventory. Instead, look for any consistencies in all of their stories. Generally speaking, there will be one or two details in all of their inventions that will generally tend to remain constant. This could be the truth or something they have said so often that they think it is.
- Realize that they may try to manipulate you and learn to spot when they are trying to do so. If not, they might trick you into doing things you don't want.
Warnings
- Be immune to their charm. There is no need to tell you.
- While not all sociopaths are violent, it's best to keep your distance from these people on an emotional and friendship level.
- Don't let them know you know their nature. As this could be interpreted in different ways according to the sociopath, better yet they don't know that you know.
- Sociopaths are great liars because they have no conscience. Then, they will use all possible excuses to justify their actions and not get caught for who they really are.
- Sociopaths are much less emotionally prone and therefore are able to use your emotions against you. It is much more effective to deal with people in terms they can understand; so, if you have to relate to a sociopath, leave your emotions and feelings aside, or they will be able to control you.
