After a bad breakup, you may miss your ex and be tempted to contact him, or you may resent him and feel the need to vent your frustration. Whatever reason you want to call him, it is not a good idea to have contact with him before you are over the breakup. By creating the right distance between you, both of you can evaluate if there is the possibility of developing a friendship relationship in the future. In the meantime, it is best to avoid any contact and not seek it until the wounds have healed.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Avoid Contact with Your Ex
Step 1. Delete your ex's number from your address book
Some people turn to their exes in times of weakness, while others do so in hopes of rekindling past romantic interest. However, all attempts to communicate with your former partner will only serve to re-emerge painful feelings for one or both of you and prolong the inevitable. Remember that you separated for a good reason - one of you was unhappy and that won't change.
- If you have your ex's number saved on your cell phone, delete their contact information, all previous SMS conversations, and all calls in your log.
- Erase, black out or throw away all the papers on which you have written his number (for example in your address book).
- Consider blocking their cell phone calls. You can usually do this by going to settings, opening the privacy section and blocking its number, although the exact process varies by phone type.
- Turn off your phone whenever you plan to drink alcohol (if you are old enough to do so) so that you don't have the option to text your ex or call him in a moment of weakness.
Step 2. Delete their social media contact or unfollow them
Some people are able to remain friends with their partner even after the relationship ends. However, if you don't think you can do this without developing romantic feelings for him, it may be best to sever the contact altogether. Even after you clear your ex's phone number, you may still have the option to send him private messages or comment on his photos and status updates online.
- By unfollowing him or deleting the contact, you will not be tempted to contact him. It will also help you have the space you need to heal from the wounds of separation.
- Remember that if you remain friends on social networks, you will find out about his future relationships and will always have a reminder of the time spent together that may arouse some nostalgia.
- Remember that you can always re-add it or resume following it in the future, once the separation is over. However, if you still feel vulnerable, you shouldn't give in to the temptation to contact him; for the moment it is best to avoid it altogether.
Step 3. Distance yourself from mutual friends for some time
You may not need this advice, but in some cases it helps to avoid hanging out with the same company of friends right after a breakup. If you feel that you may be tempted to ask friends about your ex or if you can't help but think about him when you are with them, it is best to distance yourself from that group of people until you are ready to leave the past behind.
- Let your friends know what your decision is and what motivated you to make it. If you don't tell them, they may be wondering why you decided to end your friendship.
- If mutual friends talk about your ex in your presence, ask them to stop talking, at least until you feel better.
- Avoid all social situations he might participate in. For example, if a mutual friend is throwing a party or inviting you to an event, ask if your ex will be there.
Step 4. Try to leave the past behind
The best way to heal from emotional wounds after a breakup is to accept that your relationship is over. This can be difficult, especially if it was you who got rejected, but it's very important to understand that it just couldn't work with your ex. Until you are able to close with the past, you may continue to be tempted to text or call him, prolonging your emotional pain and your state of vulnerability.
- In these kinds of situations, pain and sadness are normal feelings. However, continuing to think about such emotions or convincing yourself that you have lost a soul mate will only slow down the healing process.
- Accept that there is nothing wrong with being alone for a while. You can find many interesting ways to occupy your time and be ready to start a new relationship with another person once you are healed.
- If you still think about your boyfriend and hope to get back with him, you have not been able to close with the past. During this phase it is very important to avoid contacting, seeing or even meeting your ex by mistake, so that you can heal and move on.
Part 2 of 3: Overcoming the Separation
Step 1. Spend as much time as possible with friends and family
If you've just gotten out of a long relationship, especially with someone you were living with, being alone can feel terrible. The best way to forget about your ex (and distract yourself from the temptation to call him) is to always seek the company of other people.
- Contact friends and family, even if you haven't heard from them for a long time. Don't worry if you have to organize your plans, the important thing is not to be alone.
- Find a new hobby or sign up for a class and ask a friend to do the same. These activities are great distractions and enjoyable experiences that bond with you and a friend.
Step 2. Put away or throw away any items that have sentimental value and remind you of your ex
After a long relationship, there are likely to be many things that remind you of this. Seeing gifts or items you used together every day can force you to always remember your relationship that is now over. Get rid of everything that reminds you of the past (or at least hide it) and you will be better able to resist the temptation to have contact with him.
- Put everything that reminds you of it in a box - photographs, gifts, items that you have forgotten in your home; it is best to make sure you have nothing under your eyes.
- If you can't keep these sentimental memories at home without thinking about your ex or without being tempted to contact him, throw them away. Make sure you return any items he might want back by asking a friend to have them delivered.
Step 3. Change your life to stop thinking about the past relationship
In some cases, it is not easy to overcome a separation. Even after you've eliminated all the objects that remind you of your ex from your life, you may notice that you regularly think about him and want to contact him. If you can't move on, some changes in your routine can help you move forward.
- If you lived together, move and find a new home in a different neighborhood;
- If you worked or worked together, consider looking for another job;
- If you don't want to quit your job, but share the professional environment with your ex, ask your boss if you can switch locations so that you are further away from your former partner.
- Find other ways to change your routine and the environment you live in. Do everything you can to change your life and eliminate all the elements that bring back the memories of your past relationship.
Step 4. Forgive yourself for your role in the separation
Maybe you feel guilty because it was you who wanted to break up with him, or it was your actions or behavior that led him to leave you. It is important to accept the past and move on in order to heal. Remember that as guilty as you may feel, your ex certainly played a role in your breakup as well. Moving forward means learning to love yourself and forgive yourself for your mistakes. Eventually, when you have been able to forgive yourself, you may be able to forgive him too.
Part 3 of 3: Evaluating the Chance of Becoming Friends
Step 1. Consider if your ex has hurt you
All relationships are made up of ups and downs. Couples often quarrel and in some cases they say things they regret. However, if your partner has abused you (emotionally or physically), cheated on you, or otherwise neglected your feelings throughout your relationship, they probably wouldn't be a good friend.
Eliminate from your life the people who have hurt you and who may do it again in the future. This is the best way to forget about your ex and to safeguard your mental health and well-being
Step 2. Ask yourself if you are able to be friends with him without wanting a romantic relationship
Some people never stop being attracted to someone else. The attraction can be physical or emotional, but it can make a friendship very complex. If you don't feel like you can talk to your ex or date him without wanting to get back to him, you need to accept that you can't be friends.
- If you are having trouble moving on with your life, be sure to completely end all relationships with him.
- Whenever you find yourself thinking about your ex, try to do something fun that will distract you. Go out with friends, watch television, and find other ways to think about other things.
Step 3. Evaluate how much time has passed
Becoming friends after a breakup takes time and distance. You will not be able to move from a relationship to one of friendship without having had time to reflect and heal from emotional wounds (if you can). If you feel you can get over the breakup and become friends with your ex, evaluate your feelings towards him and consider how long it has been since you broke up.
- Most of us feel sad, lonely, hurt, or betrayed after a breakup. This is normal, but these emotions will pass over time.
- There is no expiration date to get over a relationship. Some people can take a week or two, while others keep thinking about their ex for months.
- If you still feel resentment or love towards your boyfriend, it hasn't been enough time since you broke up.
- When you can think about your ex without missing him and without feeling anger over the breakup, you may be ready to develop a friendship with him. However, if this does not happen, put your soul in peace and go on with your life without him.
Advice
- If you accidentally (or intentionally) memorized your ex's number, it's very important not to have your phone handy.
- The longer you talk to your ex, the harder it will be to forget him. Better to avoid completely, at least until you are healed and you are not able to open a new chapter in your life.
