Giving a rejection can be almost as difficult as receiving it, especially if it's from a friend. This article will give you some tips on how to politely tell someone you don't care.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Reject Someone You Know
Step 1. Get ready
If you feel ready to dismiss someone's interest after a couple of dates or a short period of dating, you've probably already considered the consequences. You need to be sure they are not the right person and accept the possibility that any existing friendship relationships will never be the same (or even survive). So, also be prepared to receive rejection from the other side.
- Think carefully about your speech. Don't just say "no," but try to motivate him without being too harsh or biting.
- Choose your words carefully. If you'd rather prepare yourself in front of the mirror, with the help of your brother or a very understanding friend, don't hesitate. Make sure the message reaches the recipient clearly, without hurting their susceptibility.
- However, be willing to adjust to their reactions. You don't have to give the impression that you have learned a text by heart. Try to adapt to the various scenarios.
Step 2. Don't delay
While the desire to postpone the most unpleasant tasks is entirely natural, waiting will only make the situation worse when you are sure you want to put a stop to the matter. The more things drag on, the more the other person will believe that everything is going well and the rejection they will face will be a bolt from the blue for them.
- Choose the right time. This is certainly not the case on his birthday party or the night before an important exam or job interview. However, don't wait for the "right time". The right one is now.
- If you are already in a relationship with someone, many of the tips listed here will help, but there are also situations that are particularly difficult to deal with. For more ideas, check out How to End a Relationship or How to Break Up with a Boyfriend.
Step 3. Do it in person
Of course, you'll be tempted to get away with a text message, email, or phone call, but it's best to deliver bad news personally, even in the modern digital age. This is especially true if it is a friend you are hoping to maintain a relationship with. Show respect and maturity.
- By facing the situation in person, you will have the opportunity to see the other person's reaction to the news - surprise, anger, maybe even relief - and you will be able to act accordingly.
- To communicate your decision, find a quiet place away from prying eyes (or at least not too busy). Nobody likes being rejected or having a hard time understanding what they are hearing in a crowd. If you're hesitant to be alone with the other person, find at least one more secluded area in a restaurant, mall, or club.
Step 4. Prepare your interlocutor for what you have to tell him
When the time comes, don't abruptly change the subject by switching from pasta alla carbonara to "I think we should remain friends".
- Create a more relaxed atmosphere by having a pleasant conversation, without overdoing it. You need to have the ability to move on to a serious conversation, without causing anxiety or seeming too detached.
- Start with a passing sentence in order to prepare him for rejection, saying for example: "It was nice to meet you, but …", "I thought a lot and …" or "I'm glad we tried, but …".
Step 5. Be honest, but kind
Yes, you have to tell the truth. Don't make up stories about whether you met someone else, reunited with an old flame, or decided to join the foreign legion. If he realizes that you are lying to him or discovering the truth later, things could get complicated between you.
- Explain the real reason for your rejection, but do not accuse it. Just speak in first person when you need to make your needs, your mood and your point of view clear. Sure, "it's not you, it's me" is a cliché, but in general it is a good strategy.
- Instead of, "I can't spend my days with a sloppy, disorganized person who leads an unruly life", try "I'm the kind of person who needs order and structure in life."
- Tell him that you have realized that you are not compatible and that you are glad you gave it a try, but that you don't think it will work.
Step 6. Give him time to accept the situation
Don't be in a hurry to explain your reasons, say hello and leave. Give him time to understand and possibly respond.
- If you don't offer him a chance to speak up and have his say, he will have a harder time coming to terms with it or he may think he still has a chance.
- Try to put yourself in his shoes and allow him to express his sadness, cry, or even vent his frustration, but don't tolerate outbursts or verbal violence.
Step 7. Be strong and don't give in
The worst thing you can do is retrace your steps because you feel sorry for the other person or don't want to hurt them. You shouldn't have talked to her if you weren't sure you wanted to end this situation.
- Apologize, put your hand on her shoulder, but don't back down. Don't lose sight of your real intentions. Try saying, "I'm very sorry to hurt your feelings. It's not easy for me, but I'm sure it's best for both of us."
- Do not get stuck if it highlights any flaws in your reasoning, promise to change if you reconsider your position, or show yourself that you have misunderstood it. You are not in front of a court.
- Don't give false hope. Avoid saying that you are not ready yet or that you want to try to be "just a friend" (even if you want to, it is probably best to walk away for now). The other person may question your true intentions and think they have another chance in the future.
Step 8. Don't end the conversation negatively
Try to encourage her and be kind. Tell her what you think of her, but let her know that you are not compatible and that she will certainly find someone to get along with. Thank her for giving you the chance to make yourself known and wish her the best.
Step 9. Be careful if you have to give a refusal to a friend who wants to leave the "friend zone"
While you can use most of the advice in this article, you should use special strategies with a friend, especially if you hope to stay on good terms with him.
- Don't throw it too much on the joke. Since you are friends, you should behave normally. However, remember that there is an important issue at stake that needs to be addressed. He has exposed himself and expects a serious response from you. Be friendly, but avoid making bar jokes.
- Talk about how important your friendship is, but don't exploit it. It will definitely not be a satisfying answer for someone who has just jeopardized this type of relationship.
- Explain why the best things about your friendship wouldn't work in a different relationship. For example, you might say, "I love your spontaneity, your good humor and our good times out, but you know I need structure and coherence. That's what I need in a relationship."
- Accept the embarrassment of the situation. It will be a difficult and thorny discussion, especially when you say "no". Do not make the other person uncomfortable by implying that it is their fault if you find yourself in such a situation (say, for example, "It's embarrassing, isn't it?"). Thank her for sincerely expressing her feelings.
- Accept the risk that your friendship may end. The other person has already decided that they will not continue to have a relationship as you have done so far. Regardless of what you want, you can't go back. Try saying, "I'd like us to be friends, but we'll need some time. I'll be happy to talk back when you feel ready."
Method 2 of 3: Rejecting a Person You Don't Know
Step 1. Be honest, direct and kind
If it's just a guy or girl you met at the bar, the gym, or the waiting room, you'll probably be tempted to find an excuse to avoid accepting their invitation. However, you will not meet this person again that easily. So, if you don't have a lot of opportunities to see her again, why not be honest? Ultimately, a little momentary embarrassment might be for the best.
You can get away with saying, "It was nice talking to you, but I'd rather leave it as it is. Thanks."
Step 2. Get right to the point
You don't have time to prepare a speech, as happens when you want to end a romance, so don't go too far. Just be clear, concise, and honest about why you decline his invitation.
Again, express yourself. Focus on the incompatibility and say, "I'm sorry, but I don't share your passion for extreme sports / world travel / online poker, so in all likelihood we won't get along."
Step 3. Avoid giving a wrong phone number or making up the existence of a boyfriend or girlfriend
Behave like an adult.
- While a wrong phone number will save you an awkward meeting, it could ultimately hurt even more than a genuinely motivated rejection. If you believe that kindness is a very important quality, you should keep thinking that even when you are not around.
- If you can't help but make up the lie that you're boyfriend or girlfriend, at least don't lie from the start. Try a more honest, direct, and kind approach first. Usually, that's enough.
Step 4. Don't joke about the situation
You will probably be tempted to play it down, but if you overdo it by using a ridiculous tone of voice, making a silly expression, or quoting lines from a movie, the other person may believe that you are making fun of them. Don't act like a fool when you're just trying to be nice.
Beware of sarcasm. A streak of stinging irony won't go unnoticed if you say, "As if someone like me could ever date someone like you!" in a shrill and artificial voice accompanied by a grimace at the end. Your interlocutor may understand that you are joking, but it is not certain that he will get the message and realize that you are giving him a two of spades
Method 3 of 3: Reject Someone Who Insists
Step 1. Forget what you have learned if necessary
If you find yourself stuck in the situation where a slow-minded person doesn't take "no" for an answer or doesn't leave you alone, you can't afford the luxury of being nice. You must close the matter as quickly and safely as possible.
In these cases, just say, "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested. That's all I have to say. Good luck and goodbye."
Step 2. Make up a lie if you can't help it, but be careful
You'll need a nice bronze face. However, if you are a bad liar, you don't want to try.
- You lie as little as possible. It is easier to tell and pass a small lie than a big nonsense.
- If you need to, get out the wrong phone number or fake boyfriend story. Alternatively, try saying, "I just got out of a long relationship", "I don't hang out with people who profess a different religion than mine or come from a different culture" or "I think you look too much like my brother / sister".
Step 3. Don't insist in person
In some cases, a text message or email may be sufficient. Especially if you are concerned that the other person may lose his temper, feel free to distance yourself before taking action.
Step 4. Don't ignore it and don't expect it to give up or go away
To understand how things are, some people need a direct, clear and clear refusal, which leaves no room for further doubts. Don't be evasive and don't show yourself indecisive. Be frank, but polite.
- Don't ignore text messages, calls, or emails until you've made it clear that you're not interested. Once you have explained your intentions well, you can ignore the pleas, requests, or any resentment of the other party.
- If you feel threatened or in danger, ask for help and / or contact the authorities. Some people cannot accept rejection.
