It's never fun to find out that someone has stolen something from you. Even worse is finding out that the thief is a member of the family. If a relative has robbed you, don't sweep the problem under the rug. You have to have a confrontation with him even if it is difficult. After talking to him, you will know what steps to take to prevent this unpleasant situation from happening again and to remedy the emotional damage caused by his betraying your trust.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Talk to the Family member
Step 1. Prepare your speech in advance
Think about what you want to tell him. Avoid dealing with it right away, especially if you've lost your temper or feel too hurt. So, try to stay calm. Give yourself time to calm down and consider the best approach to take.
An effective strategy is to write him a letter that you will keep to yourself. Set it aside for a few hours or overnight. Then take it back and edit it. This way, you can process what you are feeling and decide what to say
Step 2. Let him know how much he hurt you
To understand the gravity of his mistake, he needs to know what the emotional impact was caused by the theft he committed. Tell him how disappointed and betrayed you have felt.
- Do not panic. Avoid raising your voice and don't allow emotions to take over;
- You might say, "I'm so disappointed with the money you stole from my wallet. I never imagined you could go that far."
- This part of the conversation will certainly be uncomfortable, but necessary. If the other person doesn't feel remorse for the mistake they made, they may try to steal you again in the future.
Step 3. Avoid being influenced by his justifications
For example, he might say, "I was just borrowing them" or "I wanted to ask you, but I forgot." Don't believe him and don't let it go too easily. Even if his apology seems sincere, taking something without permission still means stealing, so he must understand the situation well.
Step 4. Give it a chance to fix it
Ask him to come up with a plan to make things right. If he took an item, he should return it or replace it. If he has stolen money, he should return it. If necessary, establish a plan that will allow him to fix the stolen goods.
Step 5. Determine the Consequences
Tell him what action you will take if he does not remedy his mistake. Decide what the consequences will be so that in the future he does not repeat his gesture, even if he refuses to cooperate. The punishment will depend on the severity of the theft.
Among the possible consequences, consider no longer inviting him to your home, ending the relationship, or going to the police
Step 6. Involve another adult if necessary
If the person who robbed you is younger than you or is under the responsibility of another family member, you probably want to involve them in the confrontation. In this case, you can speak to their parents or guardian before dealing with the minor directly. They may give you a clearer idea of what he is going through, but also decide to discipline him as they see fit.
You might say, "Marco stole some money from my dresser. I caught him in the act. I know it's your responsibility, so I came to you before taking any action."
Part 2 of 3: Remedying the Emotional Damage
Step 1. Consider what prompted him to steal
People steal for several reasons. Some do this because they feel unfairly disadvantaged, others try to finance drug addiction or pay off a debt. Children and teenagers can steal to get attention or give vent to negative emotions. Understanding the reasons that led a family member to take something away from you doesn't justify the mistake they made, but it gives you a starting point to prevent it from happening again.
Step 2. Help him get the necessary treatment if you suspect an addiction is involved
Addiction is one of the most common reasons people steal. If in the past the relative who stole something from you has always been honest and trustworthy, it is possible that an addiction could lead him to assume the wrong behaviors. Express your concern and help him find therapy that will help him solve his problem.
If he uses drugs and alcohol, talk to him kindly and encourage him. Tell him you are worried, not disappointed. If he feels judged, there is a risk that he will not accept any help from you
Step 3. Talk to a psychologist
You may feel violated and wary when someone robs you, especially if the thief is someone you know. A therapist can help you process your emotions and regain your trust in others.
Step 4. Close reports if necessary
If he repeats the gesture, you probably have no choice but to push him away. While it is very difficult to sever all ties with a relative, over time it will be less painful than allowing them to continually take advantage of your good heart.
Part 3 of 3: Preventing Further Theft
Step 1. Expect to have trust issues once the betrayal is over
After this story, your trust in him will have suffered a severe blow. It may be difficult to accept her, but at this point in time, chances are you won't believe her words very much. If it was an isolated incident or if the theft was committed by a minor, a serious conversation may be enough to prevent it from happening again.
Depending on your relationship, over time you have a chance to regain lost trust. For now, however, you need to keep an eye on your stuff when he's out and about. You may even distance yourself from him until you agree on what happened and he is unable to remedy his mistake
Step 2. Secure your bank account and valuables
Protect your money and other valuables so it can't steal you a second time. Keep the bedroom door closed, make your home safer and don't leave precious objects around the house. If the theft happened online, change the passwords and codes that allow you to log into your bank account.
Step 3. Consider whether you need to go to the authorities
If he has stolen your identity, you will need to file a police report that will allow you to delete the false data on your account. It is not easy to report a family member, but suffering the consequences of a crime committed in your name can be even more difficult, so you need to protect yourself from the unpleasant repercussions of which you could be a victim.
- If you feel guilty about the police report, remember that on the other hand there was no sense of guilt in stealing and destroying your identity. Do not allow his crime to become a burden on your conscience.
- If it is a child or teenager, avoid involving the authorities, but take the opportunity to point out what is right or wrong. You might say, "When people leave things at home, they expect to find them where they left them. They feel safe at home, so when you take something that doesn't belong to you from someone's house or anywhere else, that place will become less safe. Also, you jeopardize the trust that others have in you. You have behaved incorrectly, do you agree? ".
