Aren't you going to break up face to face with a person? It can happen, especially if it's an unhappy or abusive relationship, or maybe you live at a distance, whether it's for work, study, or other reasons. Leaving someone over the phone may not be the ideal way to end a relationship. However, if it is necessary for safety reasons or because you have no other choice, it is doable. This article will help you understand how to deal with it the right way, ending everything in the least confrontational way possible.
Steps
Step 1. Before entering the number, review the situation
You have to be 100% sure you want to do this. In fact, once you have said these words, you will not be able to go back, the other person will be aware of your thoughts. If you break up because you haven't been able to see her for too long (for example, you are in a long distance relationship), make sure you don't meet her in person to argue and break up, maybe you need to talk to her first.
Also consider whether the phone is the best way to do this. For a relatively new, abusive, or long-distance relationship, this may be the best choice. In the case of a recently born relationship, you are not sufficiently involved; if it is an abusive relationship, you are probably afraid of seeing your partner in person; if you are far away, you have no other choice. However, if you've been together for a long time, it may be difficult, not just for the recipient, but for you as well. However, if you can't stand seeing her face or reactions, or if you're genuinely concerned that a meeting will make you reevaluate your idea of breaking up because you won't be steadfast, the phone might be a good solution. It all depends on you
Step 2. Don't wait for this person to call you
Once you have decided that this is the only path that suits you, get on the road. Unless it is incredibly difficult for you to contact this person, find the courage to make the call and leave them. As much as you have thought carefully about the breakup, chances are she doesn't expect this breakup. Waiting for her to call first to communicate your decision will be particularly shocking. In fact she called you eager to talk to you, and it won't be nice to realize you couldn't wait to break up.
Step 3. Make sure the person you are leaving is in a quiet place
In the age of mobile technology, you never know for sure if the person you are calling is at home, on the train, at the supermarket, or in a place where there is little signal (likely if they are around). If possible, try to call her at a time when you know she will have enough privacy to properly process the breakup. In case she is busy when you call or you find that she is in the wrong place to receive such news, you have two options:
-
Pretend everything is as usual and try again at another time.
Break Up Over the Phone Step 3Bullet1 -
Tell her that you need to speak to her urgently. Understand that these words are likely to make her nervous and worried, perhaps causing her to become distracted from what she is doing, so pay attention to the tone and idea you communicate when you say "We need to talk."
Break Up Over the Phone Step 3Bullet2
Step 4. Leave it permanently
Tell her "I want to end this relationship" or "I have decided I don't want this relationship anymore." This tells her that it's over, not that it might end (in this case she might try to persuade you and change your mind). Don't say anything to encourage negotiation, such as "I think I want to break up", "I don't want to be with you anymore" or "This relationship doesn't make me happy."
Step 5. The moment you say such a sentence, the conversation becomes quite complicated
Be prepared for surprise and awkward silences from the other person. Depending on his character and his way of receiving bad news, expect a reaction based on silence, crying, anger or threats, such as "It won't stop until I have had a chance to speak with you in person." Being ready for possible reactions is important, as you will need strategies to end the conversation.
Step 6. End the conversation
Whether her reaction was to question you, cry, argue, beg, or verbally attack you, keep calm and don't change your mind. Don't let the dialogue drag on. Whatever your reason and no matter how much the other person thinks it's not right or wrong for you, you still have the right to end the relationship and not want to be a part of it anymore. Quickly discuss any logistics (such as "Tomorrow I will pick up my things from your home while you are at work, please leave them at the porter") and end the conversation: "I understand that you disagree with my reasons, but that won't change my mind. I wish you all the best".
Step 7. Say everything that is necessary, nothing else
Before hanging up, make sure you've said everything you should know, but don't drag the conversation further. You shouldn't end the relationship with a 30-second message, but you still need to understand that discussing it for a long time won't give you a chance to quit the way you should. in fact, it will only complicate the dialogue.
Advice
- If you're sure you want to break up with someone, it's better to do it now than to wait. However, if your partner has had a bad day, you may want to postpone it and do it at a better time. Leaving her when she is sad for other reasons will make the breakup much more complex for both of you.
- Breaking up over the phone is undoubtedly kinder than breaking up on the Facebook wall. At least you will have some privacy and no one will know anything about the conversation unless you are truly vindictive.
- If your relationship isn't exclusive, breaking up over the phone may be easier than doing it in person, because neither of you has made a serious commitment.
- To facilitate the success of the breakup and allow the other person to put his heart at rest, it is best to avoid answering his calls and all other contact attempts for at least a week, unless it is necessary (in this case you should be polite but dry). You may receive emails and messages after the breakup, just ignore these too. As for email forwarded by this person, delete the emails before you even read them.
- Try to speak in a low, quiet tone. You don't have to be upset or annoyed. You want to end the relationship in a calm way, remember?
- One of the reasons why breakups on the phone are so difficult is the lack of emotional closure that the other person might be feeling. He could also say that this method is cold, aloof, offensive, etc. Without the opportunity to see you and defend herself, she may feel victimized, without the ability to fight for the relationship. While her unhappiness and reaction are perfectly understandable and your action can hurt her, the truth is that it's over once one of you doesn't want this relationship anymore. Complaints, pleas and arguments will only make things worse. A person who finds himself with such an emotional wound and who doesn't heal long after the breakup should go to a therapist, but it's not up to you to carry such a burden on your shoulders.
- Breaking up with someone on the phone after not talking to them for weeks is a lot of irony. To do this you will probably need even more courage than you would need to see it in person!
- If you call their home or some other place where someone else might answer, ask to speak to your ex. You run the risk of mistaking him for his father and leaving him!
- In theory it would be better to be direct and say "I want to end this relationship", but it depends on the type of person, it is not always an effective method.
- If you are worried about leaving someone on the phone, you can calm yourself by thinking that no matter how you break up with a person, your action will still be painful. The possible severity assigned to this method of breakup depends on the length of the relationship and the people involved, so it is decidedly subjective.
Warnings
- Don't severely judge people who break up like this. Are you totally sure that you will never leave anyone on the phone? Sooner or later you too may find yourself in a situation where personally handling a breakup will not be safe or emotionally stable. While there is nothing wrong with supporting a friend left this way, you still need to be open-minded and consider his ex's motivations, in fact you didn't belong to the couple and didn't know the dynamics.
- Never leave someone in a moment of weakness. If the relationship is already destroyed and there is no remedy, this situation will not change once the fight is over and the anger is over. End a relationship when you are both calm and can talk quietly. It is in this moment that it is possible to close in the best way.
- If you are afraid of someone because they are having an abusive relationship, ask for help. Let someone take you to the house you shared to retrieve your belongings.
- The other person may not get the message and start harassing you; if he exhibits harassing behavior, signs of stalking or threats, contact those in charge.
