All signs point to your partner's infidelity. But when you face it you may be making a lot of critical mistakes. Here are some tips to avoid the most common ones.
Steps
Step 1. Until you have collected a certain amount of evidence, do not disclose your suspicions
If you confront him after finding a phone number or text message, you run the risk of alerting him. Not only will he act on tiptoe from now on, but he will try to make sure that you no longer have access to his information (cell phone, credit card statement, wallet, etc.). The purpose is to behave normally and give him the impression that things are as always. When the infidel is within his safety zone, he usually makes a mistake that sets him up.
Step 2. Never get caught spying on him
It's always best to have a good excuse for when you get caught. You will need to plan your story and make it plausible. So when you get caught rummaging through his briefcase, you can tell him you're looking for the electricity bill that may have ended up in his papers. Being caught expiring without a valid reason is a red alert for the traitor. That's why it's always best to have a bill on hand, so if he catches you with his hands in his wallet, you can always tell that you were looking for a smaller cut to give to the gardener, the kids, etc.
Step 3. Never allow the infidel to turn the tables and attack you before giving you a valid explanation for their behavior
Once confronted with the facts, she will try to do some mental trick by calling you crazy, stupid, fooled, insecure, child, mean, ridiculous, looking for trouble, etc. All of that before answering your question about who he went drinking with on Friday. Don't let him manipulate it. Acknowledge that you are everything he accuses you of being, then ask him to give you an answer. In other words, say, “Yes, I'm stupid and insecure. Ok. So who are you and how long have you been in bed? Once you let him turn the tables by allowing him to attack you and letting go of the confrontation, you will no longer get to the bottom of the matter because the traitor will have more time to craft his story.
Step 4. Never let the traitor give you the task of explaining his behavior
Otherwise that said, don't get trapped in a game where he expects you to know why he would do what you suspect he did. A typical cheater will say something like, "Why should I start a relationship with my ex again when you know very well how important this family is to me?" or "Why do I have to have an affair with someone at work if I know your sister / cousin / best friend / dog works there?" or again: "Why should I do this to you when I love you so much?" These are all tricks to confuse you and make you rationalize as to why he should have a story. For a committed, honest and selfless person, this rationalization makes sense, but when a traitor is caught, the logical and normal thinking is replaced by the selfish one, which is necessary to achieve one's goals.
Step 5. Never get fooled by tears
While they may be sincere, make sure you distinguish the classic apologetic tears from "I'm sorry I got caught red-handed." Tears can be a good starting point for a reconciliation, but remember who the real victim is in this case. Do not rush to console the wounded and broken traitor. Leave him in his misery for a while to find out what is behind his emotional outburst. Comforting and reassuring him right now is not your job. Now is the time for answers and goal setting. Anger, pain, disgust or confusion should not be minimized to address the guilt, sorrow, shame, and more of the offender. For once it shouldn't be his business, but yours and yours alone.
Step 6. Never reveal your source
If you say you know his email password, he will change it. Once you admit that you got that information from your best friend, she will cut ties with you, preventing you from finding out more. And once he finds out you've analyzed his cell phone bills, he won't have them sent home. If you decide to end your relationship, don't do the cheater any favors by pointing out your sources. Let him go on with his life thinking that you are a genius of psychoanalysis. If you decide to reconcile, he still doesn't have to understand how you found out, in case you want to check him again. Therefore, there is no compelling reason to disclose your sources.
Step 7. Never make the discovery of an affair or the decision to reconcile yourself a family affair
Minimize intervention by relatives, siblings, friends, and other well-meaning ones. You are the only one able to evaluate how much interest you are to continue this story or not, you alone have to decide whether to stay or leave. Two suitable options are therapy and spiritual help, but ultimately the decision must be yours alone. Often well-meaning people who love you will give you advice that goes against your interests. That's why it's best to keep these deals private as much as possible. You can often find some benefit from online help groups, made up of people outside your family background. But remember that at the end of it all if you are the only one who has to live with your decision and not the rest of the world.
Step 8. Never assume that a relationship ends the relationship
Often the problems that quickly led to the birth of the affair are faced when it is discovered and the marriage comes out even more solid than before. If both parties want to work to rebuild the relationship, it can be done. A marriage can survive a betrayal and become more lasting than before. You need help? Look for the wikiHow article titled "How to Recover from a Story".
Advice
- Follow your instincts. In most cases, if you feel that something is wrong, then it is not right.
- Before comparing, keep your goals in mind. Is that the straw that broke the camel's back or are you trying to uncover the underlying problem to address it?
- Remember that your suspicions must be legitimate otherwise it could be simple paranoia due to the burden you have carried in your relationship.
