While punishment is considered only one of the ways to discipline a growing child, it is an important aspect. Knowing how to punish a child when he or she behaves badly is, in reality, crucial to his education: a child who does not know the difference between right and wrong could run into relationship difficulties in the course of his life, so it is never too early to start. to think of a suitable (but effective) punishment technique for your child.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Adopt Intelligent Disciplinary Methods
Step 1. Be consistent
This is probably the most important aspect to remember when raising a child. The latter cannot learn the rules if they are constantly changing. Consistency is key, both to teach your child how to behave and to make them understand which behaviors are acceptable and which are not. Punishing a child inconsistently - or allowing him to avoid punishment - teaches him that sometimes (or always) one can misbehave. Here are some tips to remember to punish your child consistently.
Step 2. Use the same rules to punish your child every time he misbehaves
Do not arbitrarily change the rules or punishments for certain behaviors, without a valid reason.
Step 3. Learn to recognize your child's misconduct (and punish him if necessary)
Don't ignore a bad attitude when it suits you.
Step 4. Give reasonable punishment from the start and stick to it
Do not choose a punishment and then allow your child to get away with it or receive another less severe one. Don't be moved by her tears or sweet eyes.
Step 5. Set precise limits
Your child will find it difficult to avoid engaging in incorrect behavior if he does not understand what he is doing wrong. You should provide your child with a precise idea of what is right and what is wrong, so that from an early age he will be able to understand this distinction. To do this, set limits, that is, clarify to the child why and how a certain behavior is wrong, punish him when he makes the same mistake (and, of course, be consistent).
Of course, his ability to understand the reasons for your decisions will change dramatically as he grows. For example, a small child who is starting to speak will not understand that he should not write on the walls if you tell him that harming someone else's property indicates disrespect. On the contrary, you will have to say a sharp no and, if necessary, put away the markers
Step 6. Give adequate punishment to the prank
Acts that denote disrespect or infractions committed for the first time may only merit a warning, while deliberate disrespect or a violent attitude may require a more serious reaction. Try to be reasonable in your punishments, reminding yourself that children are not perfect and learn by making mistakes, but also make sure they understand that their misbehavior is inadmissible.
- For example, putting a child in detention for a month if he forgets to take a piece of paper home to sign is exaggerated. A more adequate punishment would be to not give him pocket money until he remembers to bring it to you.
- You will also have to give punishments based on the child's age; punishing a toddler will not have any effect.
Step 7. Be calm but steadfast
Some misbehavior of children annoys you greatly, but getting angry will not have a positive effect in the long run. Parents who cannot control their anger will find it difficult to make lucid decisions about how to punish their child, and may succumb to overreacting. Furthermore, the habit of expressing one's point of view in anger could create a negative precedent; if you get angry and often yell at your child, your anger may lose its meaning, causing you to become more angry to attract the child's attention.
- Anger should be controlled when your child misbehaves. For example, if he becomes demoralized when playing ball and starts to disrespect you, don't humiliate him, but calmly say, "You know you don't have to talk to me like that. We're done playing ball. You can start doing your homework.". Stay calm when he overreacts if you don't want to teach him that he can get you off your back.
- To learn more about this topic, read the article How to control anger or one of the many online guides aimed at parents.
Step 8. Make a common front with your partner
An old advice to parents, which is still valid today, is to make sure you are in line with your partner when it comes to raising children. This means that both parents must agree on the rules to be imposed and follow them in the same way. A family with a strict parent and the other permissive could encourage the child to turn to the good parent when he does something wrong.
As a general rule, the importance of a common front decreases as the child grows. During adolescence, most children will understand that their parents may not agree on some points, without either of them necessarily being wrong
Step 9. Always lead by example
Always, always, always remember that your children learn by observing you. What you tell them to do isn't as important as what you show. Monitor your behavior when you are with children. Strive to be kind, happy, thoughtful, and productive, and the children will notice that.
What you don't do is also important. In the presence of your children, don't do something you don't want them to do. This includes throwing tantrums, acting like an immature person, or following bad habits. For example, if you emphasize the importance of good manners to your children, but spend every Wednesday night swearing and yelling at your elderly mother on the phone, you send a contradictory message
Step 10. Don't forget to reward commendable behaviors
Punishment is only half the battle. In addition to punishing wrong attitudes, you will have to reward commitment, kindness and patience. When the child undertakes to be kind, encourage him to go on, showing him affection and attention. When he is used to receiving this kind of treatment as a reward for his good behavior, the deprivation of your affection when he misbehaves will be a punishment.
Some scientific research has shown that the importance of positive reinforcement should not be underestimated. Positive parenting techniques correspond to lower levels of antisocial behavior and substance abuse in adulthood
Method 2 of 3: Use Adequate and Effective Punishment
Step 1. Remove privileges
Parents' opinions differ when it comes to defining adequate punishments; some opt for a harsh approach, while others are more tolerant. While there is no single system for educating a child, the tips in this section are intended as multipurpose tips, which almost any parent might find helpful. An example of a punishment suitable for all families is to deprive a misbehaving child of certain privileges. For example, if your child's grades are low because he hasn't done his homework, you could make him spend less time playing video games on weekends until he achieves better results.
For clarity, you will need to deprive him of his privileges, not basic needs. Preventing a child from seeing his friends or watching television is one thing, but preventing him from sleeping, denying him affection or not allowing him to feed himself adequately are all forms of child abuse
Step 2. Make the mistake pay off
In the real world, breaking the rules has consequences; if an adult makes a mistake, he will be forced to pay back, providing social services, paying a fine, etc. Show your child the consequences of misbehavior by forcing him to return things to the state before his misbehavior. This is an excellent tactic, especially when the child causes material damage. For example, if he paints the kitchen table, a good punishment would be to force him to strip and repaint the table to make it look as good as new.
Step 3. Use the timeout method if your child responds well
This system is rather ambiguous; some say it is a weak and ineffective method of educating a child, while others believe it blindly. Although some experts argue that the timeout method is not effective for all children, some believe that when used correctly it can help an agitated child calm down and dissuade them from misbehavior. Experience the timeout for minor transgressions; If your child seems to have learned his lesson after a short timeout, you might consider this an effective method, but if he gets more agitated and doesn't seem worried about the punishment, you should adopt other tactics.
The timeout time should vary according to the age of the child and the severity of the behavior. A good rule of thumb for minor pranks, such as replying insolently or not listening, is about a one-minute timeout for each child's age
Step 4. Make him suffer the consequences of a wrong action
Adults cannot afford to always act shortsighted or selfish. If an adult doesn't go to work and stays home to play video games, they may lose their job. Teaches children the importance of self-discipline, allowing them to suffer the natural consequences of their own wrong behavior. In other words, don't help them when they behave in a way that goes against their own interests. For example, if a child does not stop playing to come to dinner, put everything away, and refuse to make him food. This type of approach helps children self-discipline for future experiences as well.
Step 5. Use bans
As children grow up, they start socializing with their peers and spend their free time with them. Temporarily preventing social gatherings is a way to discourage misbehavior, especially if the punishment prohibits the child from attending something that is important to him, such as a birthday. As with the timeout method, however, some experts believe that punishment may be ineffective for some children, so use your best judgment and be prepared to change your strategy if you don't get the desired results.
Note that punishment should never be permanent or semi-permanent. Preventing the child from having friendly relationships could affect his or her ability to act in adulthood and is usually considered a form of abuse
Step 6. Make the child apologize for major pranks
Although it is often underestimated, the effect of having to apologize personally can be enormous. For example, if your child destroys your neighbor's yard by playing chase with his friends, forcing him to go to the neighbor to apologize is a great punishment. As an added bonus, you could also expect him to spend the following Saturday tidying up the yard.
Forcing a child to apologize in person to someone with whom he made a mistake, not only forces him to live an unfortunate experience, but prepares him for adulthood in which he will have to apologize for his mistakes in order to maintain healthy social relationships. Apologies are also a humiliating experience, which helps to control his ego
Step 7. Use mild corporal punishment in moderation
Perhaps no topic on the education of children is as controversial as the use of corporal (physical) punishment. Some parents consider it important to never lift a finger on their child, while for old-fashioned parents spanking, beating and even slapping are allowed, especially to correct the most incorrect behaviors. If you decide to use corporal punishment, reserve them for the most serious misconduct. Frequent use could undermine their effectiveness, and even worse, teach children that it is permissible to harm the weakest.
While it is up to parents to decide what is the best way to educate their children, frequent physical punishment has been shown to be not a good idea. For example, some studies associate physical punishment received during childhood with delinquency during adolescence and with violent behavior and relationship problems in adulthood
Method 3 of 3: Avoid Heavy Punishment
Step 1. Never hit a child
Even parents who resort to corporal punishment make a clear distinction between the occasional spanking and violent beatings. These are almost universally recognized by parental associations as a form of abuse. In addition, links were found between beatings received in childhood and mental illness in adulthood.
In addition, some forms of violence could cause permanent, even fatal, harm to a growing child. For example, shaking a child while in anger or frustration can cause brain damage or even death
Step 2. Don't resort to psychological abuse
It is absolutely possible to abuse a child without even lifting a finger at him. Neglect, isolation and intimidation are all ways to damage your child's psychological growth. While raising a child can be frustrating, these attitudes are never acceptable; not only are they cruel and unfair to the child, but they can also lead to serious problems, such as self-harm, drug abuse, depression, and even suicide. Here is a short list of reactions that fall under psychological abuse:
- Isolate the child from normal social interactions.
- Verbally assaulting the child with insults, threats and offenses.
- Terrify the child for not living up to your expectations.
- Deliberately humiliating a child.
- Using fear and threats to educate a child.
- Ignoring or neglecting the child's basic needs.
- Forcing the child to do something wrong or senseless.
- Refusing to show the child love, tenderness and affection.
Step 3. Don't punish a child's curiosity
Children are naturally curious; they learn through the relationship with the world around them. Try to avoid punishing a child for misbehavior resulting from simple curiosity. Punishing a child for making a mistake without even knowing it could lead to fear of new experiences in the long run, or even make the wrong behavior more exciting.
For example, it would be wrong to punish a child for talking about sex with his friends; It is best to sit down, answer his questions and explain why it is not a good idea to address sexually explicit topics in public. Admonishing them, without due explanations, would probably fuel their curiosity
Step 4. Distinguish the dangers of harsh and overly severe behavior
It is easy to overstep the boundaries in an attempt to educate your child, but you should try to avoid it in all ways. Expecting impossible things from your child, or giving too severe punishment, can affect their ability to live a happy and healthy life. Always remember that your goal as a parent is to help your child get to the point of self-management, not bullying the child into the lifestyle you want.
It is also important to note that excessively harsh techniques often prove ineffective because they prevent the child from learning to self-manage. If a child constantly reacts to punishment and requests the presence of an overly strict parent, he will never learn to grow up
Step 5. Recognize the dangers of overly permissive behavior
Similarly, it is easy to go wrong in the opposite direction. Not resorting to punishment and letting your child take over teaches them that it is not necessary to behave well or strive to get what you want. Getting into the habit of giving in to a child's whims or being too permissive about his shortcomings can affect his ability to deal with negative situations with maturity.
Again, this kind of education proves counterproductive in the long run. Most experts agree that raising a child in an overly permissive manner can form an adult unable to derive satisfaction from life and have self-esteem
Step 6. Get help with major behavior problems
Unfortunately, some problems are beyond the scope of normal parenting techniques and may require professional intervention. These problems cannot (and should not) be addressed with normal punishment and educational techniques.
- Crimes (shoplifting, vandalism, violence, etc.)
- Substance abuse
- Other addictions (internet, sex, etc.)
- Mental / psychic disorders (learning problems, depression, etc.)
- Dangerous behavior (risk seeking, car racing, etc.)
- Anger and violent reactions
Advice
Sometimes children throw tantrums to attract attention. Getting used to ignoring them and paying attention only when the child behaves correctly is a way to encourage this type of behavior
Warnings
- Note that spanking is illegal in thirty-seven countries, including some in Europe, Africa, Asia and America.
- In many states, the use of the belt or other objects is considered a form of abuse.
