A pathological liar is a person who compulsively tells lies or invents information. He may not be fully aware of reality, believing the stories he tells, often to remedy his low self-esteem. To identify such a person, pay attention to their behavior. He may be telling lies to draw attention to himself or to gain personal advantage. Additionally, you may notice numerous contradictions in his tales. Pathological liars, when they lie, maintain near-normal body language, but a few small gestures can betray them. For example, they may look you in the eye too much. Finally, consider the person's background. Problems such as substance abuse and unstable relationships are common among myth addicts.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Check the Person's Behavior
Step 1. Consider the nature of the potential lies
You may suspect that a person you know, perhaps a friend, relative or colleague, has a habit of altering reality. Analyze his words and consider what elements they have in common. Pathological liars lie to gain compassion, out of boredom, or out of insecurity.
- Some of them may actively try to attract the sympathies of those who listen to them. Often, they have a tendency to exaggerate their problems or make up pains and illnesses.
- These people can also suffer from low self-esteem. They often lie to seem more important than they are. They may exaggerate their personal or professional achievements to give themselves airs.
- Some people lie out of sheer boredom. They make up stories that didn't really happen and spread lies to hurt others. They create conflicts for fun.
Step 2. Look to see if the alleged mythomaniac tells other people's stories
Often you will be able to catch someone who has the compulsive need to lie, because they have the habit of recounting events experienced by others as their own experiences. If any detail of a story seems familiar to you, try to remember if you've heard it before.
- A pathological liar could steal a friend or relative's story, or draw inspiration from a movie or TV show. Often, in his version, the tales will be slightly embellished.
- Imagine your colleague telling you a story that sounds familiar to you, but you don't remember where you've heard it before. Later, read the same story in the newspaper. If you were dealing with a pathological liar, he might have stolen the story from the breaking news and presented it as his own experience.
Step 3. Notice if the person avoids the questions
When cornered, those who can't help but lie often find a way not to respond. They are subjects who have a natural tendency to manipulate others, so they can make you believe that they have answered you without actually doing it.
- Imagine that a friend of yours reveals to you that she recently had a fight with her best friend. Having also had trouble getting along with her, you wonder if all of her relationships are difficult. You can ask her: "Why don't you and Elisa talk to each other anymore?".
- Your friend might reply: "We haven't talked to each other in almost a year." This is not a real answer and she may avoid the more direct questions. For example, if I asked her "Did you stand up to her like you do with me?", She might say, "Do you really think she is that kind of person?".
Step 4. Beware of manipulation attempts
Pathological liars are experts at manipulating others. They have a tendency to study others to divert attention from their lies. Notice how such a person interacts with you. You may notice devious manipulative behavior on his part.
- Mythomaniacs often exploit sexual tension as a means of emotional manipulation. If you are attracted to the person you suspect, she may flirt with you when you try to confront her.
- Pathological liars study you carefully and learn about the limits of your character. They understand very well which people will believe their lies. For example, they may notice that you don't believe the lies about illnesses, but are fooled by those related to emotional problems. Listening to the liar talking to another person, he may invent aches and pains, which he never mentions in conversations with you.
Step 5. Notice how the person reacts when you find them lying
Pathological liars have different behaviors from each other. Most, however, react aggressively when caught. For them, it is typical behavior to react angrily to allegations of untruth.
- The person you are dealing with may be very defensive. He might blame someone else for his lies, saying "I had to make up that story just because our boss is intractable."
- He might even invent a second lie to cover up the first. For example, "No, I used the money to get the car repaired, but also to do the shopping. I forgot to tell you I stopped at the supermarket."
- She may get angry if caught lying. He may start screaming or crying to make you feel sorry for him.
Part 2 of 3: Observing Body Language
Step 1. Pay attention to eye contact
Many people assume that pathological liars avoid looking their interlocutors in the eye. Although the liar generally has a tendency not to make eye contact with other people, mythomaniacs do not have this habit. Conversely, you may notice an attempt to make eye contact too long in order to appear more credible.
- A pathological liar may never look away when talking to you. Looking around during a conversation is normal behavior. The mythomaniacs, on the other hand, will look you in the eye until the end of your dialogue.
- By looking into a person's eyes, you may notice some subtle signs that they are lying. Your pupils may dilate slightly and you may blink slowly.
Step 2. Notice if the alleged mythomaniac seems too relaxed
Often, when a normal person lies, they show tics or other signs of nervousness. Conversely, a pathological liar feels no remorse for his lies and as a result may seem perfectly comfortable when he is not telling the truth. Often these people appear as quite sociable and quiet people. Even if you knew for sure that one of them is lying, you may not notice any signs of stress or nervousness.
- Imagine that you overheard a story told by a colleague. Later, during a break, the person you suspect might repeat the story, pretending it is their own experience.
- Even knowing he is lying, he may seem completely comfortable. She will tell the story without giving any signs of stress or agitation and she will seem at peace with herself. If you didn't know the truth, you would have no trouble believing what he says.
Step 3. Pay attention to the tone of voice
Small changes in tone of voice may indicate a lie. While not all pathological liars change their speech when they lie, it can. A change in vocal pitch, in combination with other symptoms, may indicate that an individual has a habit of compulsive lying.
- You may notice a slight variation in tone. A pathological liar's voice can rise or fall when he lies.
- He may also lick his lips or drink water when he speaks. The stress that comes from lying can result in the production of adrenaline or constriction of the vocal cords, leading to an increased need for hydration.
Step 4. Observe the person's smile
Pathological liars often do not adopt the typical body language of a liar, but in some cases they sport a fake smile. It is very difficult to fake a smile, so pay attention to their mouth. A genuine smile causes a change in the entire face, for example, the corners of the eyes wrinkle. When a person smiles in a fake way, he only moves his mouth.
Step 5. Avoid jumping to conclusions about unusual body postures
Sometimes, the oddities are not indicative that a person is lying. Indeed, at times, they can be rather a sign of disability or simply from different cultures than yours. For example, eye contact is considered rude in some cultures and the opposite in others. Notice how the person tends to behave and consider possible alternative explanations.
Another example is that autistic people tend to get very agitated all the time. They may involuntarily stare at you or avoid eye contact altogether. This is not a sign of lies, just a sign of being a different person
Part 3 of 3: Assessing the Person's Risk Factors
Step 1. Find out if the person is hiding habits
If he has problems with substance abuse, gambling, food abuse, or demonstrates other destructive behaviors, there's a good chance he's a pathological liar.
- For example, you may notice that your co-worker drinks a little too much at a company party. He may refill his glass when no one is near him at the bar, or he may even carry a flask with him.
- You may also notice that one of your coworkers never has lunch with you in the cafeteria, but leaves traces of food in his office. He may try to hide his eating problems and always turn down invitations to eat with colleagues.
Step 2. Consider if the person lives in reality
Pathological liars are often disconnected from the real world. In many cases, they believe some of the lies they tell. They may not have a realistic view of themselves and their abilities.
- Such a person may have a tendency to exaggerate their own importance. He may consider a minor incident, as a compliment from his boss, an acknowledgment of his personal greatness. When he tells others that he has received a compliment, he may emphasize what happened a lot.
- May not possess some basic social skills; for example, failing to empathize, but not seeing it as a problem.
Step 3. Think about the relationships the person has with others
Consider everything you know about their previous relationships. Pathological liars have significant difficulty building stable relationships, so look for any signs of instability.
- Didn't the alleged mythomaniac develop stable friendships and love affairs? A lack of long-time friends and a series of failures in love may indicate that this is a pathological liar.
- Those who have a habit of compulsive lying may detach themselves from their family.
Step 4. Study the person's career
Often a mythomaniac has a tendency to lie to get jobs. Your resume may be full of short-term employment relationships. He will also try to avoid questions about why his tenure in previous companies was so short.
- Pathological liars often have very large resumes, but they can't keep their jobs for long. When you question them about their career, they may avoid answering you.
- In some cases, compulsive liars can often move from one city to another due to sudden changes in their career. These people have a tendency to ruin relationships with their employers.
Advice
- Remember that you will never be able to get consistent stories when talking to a pathological liar.
- Remember that pathological liars have a tendency to exaggerate everything they say, so listen to their stories with common sense.
- Whoever lies to you constantly disrespects you; you shouldn't trust such a person or consider them a true friend.
- If you care about the person who has problems, remind them often that they don't need to pretend to be perfect. Point out your worst failures to make her feel more confident.
Warnings
- If you suspect someone is lying to conceal illegal activity, consider contacting the authorities.
- You can encourage a pathological liar to undergo therapy to stop lying, but you can't force him. In fact, it may be very difficult to make him understand that his habit of lying is a problem.
