Many consider courage as one of the most important human virtues. In medieval times it was even regarded as one of the four cardinal virtues, and modern psychologists agree. Learning to have courage, even if perhaps in a simple situation like asking someone out, does not imply having to stop being afraid. In fact, being courageous means being able to act despite one's fears.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Developing a Brave Mindset
Step 1. Marry your fears
Showing courage means acting despite feeling scared. Fear is a natural reaction of the body triggered by the "fight or run" mechanism in the brain. The brain sends cortisol, a stress-inducing hormone, through the body's nervous system causing it to be in an elevated state of alteration. Feeling fear is an innate behavior, based in the chemistry of our brain, but fortified by the world we are surrounded by that urges us to feel afraid. Learning to face and overcome fear therefore requires an update on a mental level.
- Avoiding fears often tends to make them appear even more intense and disturbing. The culture of the Western world seems to want to compare emotions to a display of weakness and urges us to suppress them. Choking negative emotions, however, only makes us even more fearful of them, reinforcing them in proportion to our attempt to avoid them.
- Exposing yourself to what scares you (still being cautious and certain that you are not in danger) will cause the brain to embark on a path of desensitization from fear, allowing you to deal with the situation more easily.
Step 2. Try not to hesitate
The longer the brain is forced to come up with excuses for not wanting to be brave, the more times you will be forced to feel terrified of hypothetical negative results. If you find yourself in the situation of having to catch a spider, jump out of an airplane or ask someone on a date, do it all in one go without hesitation.
Boost your successes by rewarding yourself every time you overcome your fears. You can choose to indulge yourself with a concrete reward, such as a good bottle of wine, or mental, for example with a feast of episodes of your favorite TV series
Step 3. Learn to be aware
Being aware means being fully present in the "here and now". The state of awareness can help the brain deal with fears more effectively. Note that you will need to give yourself time and a lot of practice to gain the ability to stay mindful.
- Meditation is one of the techniques that can help you become more aware. Find a quiet place and sit comfortably. Over time, you will learn to meditate on the bus, at the airport, or in any busy place, but it's best to take the first steps away from distractions. Close your eyes and focus on your breath (thinking "in" when you inhale and "out" when you exhale can help you stay focused). Continue the exercise for 20 minutes. Stay aware of the present moment and your feelings. If you find that you have become distracted with other thoughts, redirect your attention to the breath.
- When you feel overwhelmed with fear, you can use the knowledge gained by meditating to be able to react with less difficulty. Again, it will be helpful to focus on slow, deep breathing. Allow yourself to feel negative emotions and try not to label them as such by simply considering them as natural moods. For example, if you are thinking "I am scared", rephrase the statement like this: "I am thinking of feeling scared". While this is a very subtle distinction, it will allow you not to let yourself be dominated by your thoughts.
- Visualize your mind as a sky and your emotions, both positive and negative, as clouds passing through it; this exercise will help you to consider them as something that is part of you, but which is unable to control your life.
Step 4. Get out of your comfort zone
The thought of leaving your comfort zone might make you anxious, but it's a great way to learn courage. Doing something you normally tend to avoid will help you deal with the unknown, the place where fears usually come from. Learning to manage that fear, in a situation of your choice, can help you to act with greater courage even in future unknown circumstances.
- Progress gradually. Start with actions that only induce a mild state of fear and require a low dose of courage. For example, send a friend request on Facebook to the girl you like or chat briefly with the person at the supermarket checkout before walking past and asking her out.
- Recognize your limitations. There are simply some things we are unable to do. You may never be able to catch a spider, jump with a parachute, or reveal your homosexuality to your homophobic boss. That's okay too. Sometimes our fears and limitations can be bypassed, other times not. In some cases, not being brave can be called an adaptive ability, as it may not make sense to force yourself to do something you don't want. Focus on being brave in other things, like placing a glass on that spider for someone else to take care of or opening up to your parents rather than your supervisor.
Step 5. Believe in yourself
Having confidence in yourself allows you to give credit to your abilities and to realize that your fears don't define you. When you believe in yourself, acting boldly turns out to be less of a challenge. Remember that increasing your self-confidence takes practice, and there are numerous ways to develop it.
- Pretend until you really do it. You can trick your mind into making it feel confident just by acting like you are. Tell yourself that you are able to ask that girl out and that whatever her response is, it won't be a problem. A more open and upright posture can also help you immediately feel stronger and more confident. Open your arms or cross your hands behind your head and push your chest forward.
- Don't let your limitations or failures dictate who you are. Making a mistake implies that you are making an attempt, so it is to be considered as an opportunity to learn and not as something to be avoided. Remind yourself that it is certainly not your mistakes that define you as a person - unless you allow them.
- Increase your self-confidence. Having courage requires good self-esteem. Tell yourself that you have something important to offer the world and remember that arrogance and self-confidence are two very different concepts.
Part 2 of 3: Show yourself brave in the moment
Step 1. Fuel your courage for a specific situation
Different scenarios require different displays of courage, so asking the person you like out on a date isn't the same as urging your boss to give you a raise or face a bully. However, each of these situations has one thing in common: it requires a good dose of apparent security, whatever is actually perceived. Confidence and courage emerge from outwardly fearless behavior, even (and especially) when in reality one is scared.
Step 2. Be brave in asking someone to go out with you
In this case, the best thing to do is to be direct, even if the idea of stepping forward makes you fearful. Prepare your speech in advance and, if possible, talk to the person privately. Think how great it would be if he accepted, it's worth the risk, isn't it?
Remember that any rejection will not reflect your degree of desirability. Respect the decision of others and feel proud for showing courage
Step 3. Be brave when talking to your boss
The idea of talking to your supervisor might scare you, especially if you intend to talk to him about a job problem or, even worse, ask him for a raise. However, by viewing it more as a conversation than a confrontation, you will be more likely to achieve your goal.
- Ask the person you like to be able to speak privately and prepare your speech in advance. It is normal for you to feel agitated, do not try to suppress the nervousness. Remember to breathe normally and speak with conviction.
- If the conversation leads to an unwanted result, stop and reevaluate the situation. If after thinking it over, you still think you're right, consider getting the HR department involved.
- Alternatively, sometimes the best thing to do might be to change jobs; some people are really stubborn and choosing not to fight every possible battle doesn't mean not showing courage.
Step 4. Be brave when facing a bully
Especially in this situation remember to act as if you are fearless and highly confident, to fool both your brain and your opponent. Bullies thrive on their victims' emotional responses, so don't give them the pleasure of reacting. Act by being confident (even if you don't feel particularly confident).
If confrontation with the bully leads to a negative result, ask a teacher or parent for help. Knowing when to ask for help is another show of courage, showing that you have been able to be honest with yourself about the reality of the situation
Part 3 of 3: Overcoming Your Fears
Step 1. Identify your fears
What is it that scares you? Before you can overcome your fears and act boldly, you must be able to recognize what your real fears are. The factors that tend to scare people are innumerable and include for example:
- Height.
- Spiders and / or snakes.
- Crowded places.
- Speaking in public.
- Waterfall.
- Temporal.
- Closed spaces.
Step 2. Admit your fears
Once you have identified what your fears are, don't try to hide them under the rug by making an effort to avoid them. Trying to convince yourself that they simply aren't real would take a lot more effort than getting through them. So learn to accept that some things scare you: only in this way will you be able to take the necessary steps to defeat them.
- You can admit your fears by writing them down or saying them out loud.
- You can estimate the degree of your fears by describing them with a number between 0 (not scary at all) and 100 (terribly scary).
Step 3. Induce a gradual desensitization process
Through this technique you will gradually - but increasingly - expose yourself to the sources of your fears.
- For example, if you are afraid of leaving the house, you might start by putting on your shoes as if you are going somewhere, even if you don't really leave.
- Next time, you could open the door and take two steps outside, then four, then eight, and finally walk around the block and go home.
Step 4. Experience direct confrontation
In psychology, the practice of "flooding", also known as "immersion", is aimed at forcing the person into the scenario that scares them, allowing them to feel fully afraid of it. The goal is to let fear run through, observe it and do your best not to be overwhelmed by it. To this end it might be helpful to visualize yourself from the outside, for example by stating: "Now he looks really scared."
- In this method, if your fear was like leaving the house, you should force yourself to walk around the block on the first try. After that, you should do your best to realize that being away from home isn't all that bad.
- You will then need to repeat the process until you feel completely comfortable leaving the house.
- The purpose is to show you that there is no reason to be fearful; for this reason this method is particularly suitable for dealing with irrational fears.
Step 5. Experiment with visualization techniques
When something scares you, try to distract your mind by focusing on more positive thoughts. Do your best to visualize something that makes you happy, such as your dog or someone you love. Use this positive emotion to overcome fear.
- Visualize what makes you positive. Make it even more real by engaging as many senses as possible.
- For example, if you are thinking about your dog, in addition to visualizing it in your mind, also imagine its smell, the tactile sensation you feel when you pet it and the sounds it makes.
Step 6. Talk to someone
Discussing your fears with a family member, friend, or qualified therapist will help you analyze their origins, sometimes even allowing you to overcome them and start acting with greater courage.
- If you prefer to let off steam anonymously, you can use one of the many support sites available online.
- If you want your fears to stop negatively interfering with your life, it may be time to talk to someone.
Advice
- Learning to be brave takes different practice. The more you face your fears and negative emotions, the more skilled you will become at doing so.
- Use your courage to assert the rights of those who cannot do it: your gesture will help you overcome your fears and will help your community.
Warnings
- While these tips can be used by people with anxiety problems, they are NOT intended to replace the advice of a doctor.
- Always be cautious when facing a bully. In this regard, there is no single solution and sometimes the best thing to do is to avoid confrontation.
