We create many attachments in life, and bonds to which we remain faithful. Some of these have a positive purpose, and inspire us to do our best. However, if we are not careful, these attachments can send us into crisis when a change occurs in our life, or we experience loss, betrayal, or tragedy. The practice of non-attachment allows us to control emotions and feelings in relation to existing attachments in our life, and prevents them from controlling us.
Steps
Step 1. Identify why you think you have an attachment problem:
in the past have you been a fervent follower of a religion, or have you deeply adhered to an ideal from which you have since detached yourself? Do you keep looking for a person who left you or stopped loving you? Are there things you allow to rule your life? Have you suffered a personal tragedy or a serious loss?
Step 2. Avoid creating new sick attachments
It is always better not to rush the process of approaching a new faith, or the birth of a new friendship. Don't waste all your energy investing all of your emotions in one person or a new creed: proceed slowly and carefully to avoid disappointment.
Step 3. Learn to manage attachment problems:
they can hinder your life's progress, and must be managed to keep them from getting in the way of renewal and growth. Here are some of the most common and most harmful attachments:
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Having stopped adhering to a faith: perhaps at some point in your life you became the spokesperson for an ideal, or a religious doctrine, which you now disapprove of or even despise. What you believed in is a thing of the past. You should focus on trying to figure out if your current beliefs are morally acceptable, rather than wasting energy unnecessarily worrying about what you thought in the past. If you realize that what you believed was particularly wrong, you can try to redeem yourself by helping the people you have harmed.
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Relations with indifferent and "toxic" people. You have to let them go. Realize that the feelings of friendship or love you have for these people rest on extremely precarious foundations. This is not to say that you haven't had a great time with them, but you should try not to intervene until these people recognize all the harm they have done to you. (Note: Domestic violence or, in general, relationships characterized by episodes of violence are quite another issue: in these cases, you must urgently contact those who can guarantee you protection and psychological and legal assistance.)
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Attachment to things. Many people tend to be dominated by the things they own, to such a degree that they end up trapping them. If the things you have accumulated have invaded your environment to the point that the fear of not being able to fix them all prevents you from changing your lifestyle, it is time to get rid of them. Letting go of attachment to things frees you to live with purpose instead of continually falling back into the fictitious comfort of possession.
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Tragedies or severe losses. If you've been through a tragic experience, it is possible that you have been holding on to the past at the mercy of guilt. Pain is a part of life, but you don't have to wallow in it. Remember that the only moment that really exists is the present moment. By holding on to the past, you do not live in the present and you preclude the possibility of the future. If you're not careful, it's easy to give in to guilt or the belief that you can't move forward. There are a lot of people who need your encouragement and your affection: even if what happened to you is now irremediable, it does not mean that you cannot help those who are now in a similar situation.
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Step 4. Don't be afraid of losing something anymore
The attachment to a job, to people in particular, to objects, or to a faith, can immobilize us in the fear of losing these fixed points in our life. If things go wrong, as they sometimes can, pain can block our growth and keep us at a standstill. Accept the moment for what it is, and convince yourself that it's okay. But at the same time, be proactive and don't get caught off guard. If things don't work out, plan to try and change what's up to you, like send resume, redo your look, change course of study, etc.
Step 5. Be friends with yourself
Your self-esteem should come from within, not from what others think of you. Attachment to others becomes unhealthy the moment you surround yourself with people who are harmful to you just because you are afraid of being alone or being excluded. If you become friends with yourself, you will not be so afraid of loneliness, and you will be more open to meeting other people, instead of being tied to a few. And strive to maintain healthy relationships with the people you hang out with every day, without invading their living space, not letting them invade yours, and without having exaggerated expectations of them.
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Make new acquaintances, be open to new encounters. But don't detach yourself from someone and immediately replace them with another - rather leave open the possibility of more people entering your life, so as to decrease the risk of clinging to someone in particular.
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Step 6. Stop living in illusion
While it is always important to strive to improve oneself and one's future potential, acceptance of the present is vital for living in the moment, and for not deluding oneself that happiness and fulfillment in life depend on events that have not yet occurred. Don't get attached to expectations and dreams until they become an excuse not to solve current problems. Accept things as they are and work on those you would like to improve with calm and balance.
The obsession with the future is an attachment as well as an obsession with the past. If you have your head in the future, you lose the present moment: the quality of your life here and now sets the stage for your future successes
Step 7. Learn to let go of attachment to feelings
Feelings are powerful, but if we let them control us we find ourselves at the mercy of their fickle power. Suffering and loss must be accepted, but we have two choices: continue to suffer forever or learn from the experience and move on. Feelings must be expressed and not kept inside: expressing them (and not repressing them) will help you manage them more productively. Keep a journal, write poetry, post comments on blogs, even anonymously, write a letter and then burn it, talk to your best friend, or even an imaginary friend. Try to find an outlet for your feelings so they don't turn into sick attachments.
Step 8. Only after you have helped yourself, tell others too
Letting others gain your trust and avoiding impulsive throwing into things is the best approach you can have to the philosophy of non-attachment, and you don't have to become a hermit for that. Teaching others about non-attachment can help you, regardless of their situation and mentality. You can talk about it, write on blogs, send tweets - you just have to be available, so that others can learn from your experience.
Step 9. Remember:
nothing is forever, things are constantly changing.
