An argument doesn't have to be painful, but if you're not careful, it can easily escalate into conflict. Fortunately, there are several techniques and strategies to try that will allow you to make your point clear without ending up in a bitter fight with someone. The ability to argue effectively is an excellent skill to acquire. It can come in handy in a variety of situations, giving you the confidence to stand up for yourself and what you believe in. But remember to choose your battles: in some cases arguing is useless.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Discuss Positively
Step 1. Be loyal
You probably know which keys to press to punch someone on the spot, but if you want to argue civilly, it's important to resist temptation. Promise yourself one thing: no matter how furious a person makes you, you won't resort to those accusations or insults that would surely escalate a fight.
Step 2. Respect the other person and what they have to say
A discussion must be bilateral: if you cannot listen to your interlocutor, he will behave in the same way and will not listen to you. You can certainly disprove his opinion, but refusing to listen makes an argument pointless.
When arguing with another person, you should always be respectful. Just remember that he is a human being, just like you. Treat him the way you would like to be treated. Don't immediately dismiss their ideas just because they don't align with yours. Listen to it
Step 3. Attack the ideas, not the person who expressed them
When arguing with someone, you should remember to refute only the opinions of your interlocutor, not the individual. This means that you shouldn't call him stupid for having these thoughts, and you shouldn't resort to attacks on his physical appearance either.
Step 4. Admit your mistakes
When you are wrong, acknowledge it. Recognize that you have misinterpreted or received the wrong information. Making a mistake doesn't demean you, but admitting you're wrong makes you superior.
Step 5. Apologize at the right time
If you have hurt someone or your argument has caused problems, you should apologize. Be the adult of the situation and take responsibility for your actions.
Step 6. Be open to new ideas
The most effective way to discuss positively is to open your mind to other opinions. You certainly don't want to make the same mistakes of the past again, do you? Accept the possible existence of a better way of thinking than yours, of fascinating information to be discovered.
Part 2 of 3: Persuasively Argue
Step 1. Make the other person feel smart
When you make her feel stupid, it causes her to withdraw into herself, so the discussion is unlikely to be successful. If he feels good, it will be easier to turn the discussion in your favor.
Step 2. Use personalized evidence for discussion and interlocutor
Proofs from reliable sources that support and specifically address the topic of discussion can be one of the most effective ways to win. You should also customize the type of such tests according to the personality of your interlocutor: choose the logical or emotional ones depending on his most likely reaction.
Step 3. Identify logical errors
Draw attention to the logical mistakes of your interlocutor and politely explain why he is wrong - it is a good way to change someone's mind. Learning to recognize these mistakes can be difficult, but here are some of the most common:
- Pay attention to arguments that erroneously assume that correlation is synonymous with cause. For example, autism diagnosis rates have increased with the use of cell phones. Consequently, autism is caused by the use of the telephone. Post hoc errors are similar, but they are based on the following idea: since A preceded B, B was provoked by A.
- The argument of silence, according to which a thing does not exist because there is no evidence to prove it, is equally erroneous. For example, God / germs / evolution / aliens do not exist because no one has a personal testimony of them.
- Illogical conclusions occur when the conclusion of an argument is detached from the premises. An example of this is the following argument: it is not possible to increase the salaries of teachers because policemen and firefighters do not earn enough.
Step 4. Portray your opponent as if he were the hero or victim of the situation
People like to consider themselves the absolute protagonists of their life. Let your interlocutor think about it and convince him to change his mind by carefully adapting your way of speaking about the matter.
Example: "I know you would really love to help others. You are one of the most generous people I know. However, if you really want to help out, it would be best to avoid making donations to a charity that misuses the money. Don't you want to make sure your money is used directly to save lives?"
Step 5. Look after the language
When arguing with someone, avoid using pronouns like "you" and "me". Instead, use "we". This causes the opponent to see you as part of their own group, a single unit with similar interests, not a stranger.
Step 6. Learn to stop
Sometimes a person is unable to change his mind on the spot. In some cases, you just need to step back and let him change his point of view slowly, over time, because he can reflect on what you said. Of course, sometimes it is also necessary to insist. It is a subtle art that you have to experiment with.
- Generally, if someone seems to get nervous or angry, it's best to leave it alone.
- Close the argument by saying: "Ok, I realize I can't convince you, but I ask you to please think about what I said".
Part 3 of 3: Discuss Effectively
Step 1. Don't cause a fight
If you engage in an argument with the clear intention of being argumentative, your opponent will sense this and become defensive. He will be much less likely to take you seriously because he will understand that you just want to scream or let off steam. If you want to participate in a constructive discussion, avoid acting like a troll.
Step 2. Be honest
Let your humanity and your true nature emerge. This makes you more supportive and less irritating to the opponent's eyes. Explain why you have certain ideals and be willing to admit that an idea belongs to you, don't use the devil's advocate excuse to give an opinion that you know won't be popular.
Step 3. Don't go off topic
The fastest way to make an argument totally sterile is to let it derail. Don't digress when you argue; should your interlocutor do it, get him back on track. Resolving a single disagreement is preferable to bringing up 20 separate issues to get nowhere. Discuss one topic at a time, expressing everything you want to say about it. When you have finished or reached a dead end, move on to another theme.
Don't let the subject change. Your interlocutor may try to change it in order to conceal an error. Many prefer to hide a mistake under the rug instead of acknowledging it when it is proven. If this person refuses to acknowledge their mistakes (say "Don't worry", "It doesn't matter, that's my opinion, period" and so on, for example), drop the discussion or insist on admitting them
Step 4. Explain everything you need to
Explain why you have certain opinions, where you got the information from, and how you came to certain conclusions. This allows you to expose misunderstandings, and your opponent will also be forced to go inside your head and follow your reasoning. It can be an effective way to persuade someone.
Step 5. Understand and acknowledge his arguments
When arguing with someone, acknowledge their point of view and make sure you really understand what they are saying. If necessary, ask for clarification.
Step 6. Support your point of view with a good assumption
Make sure you understand the basics of your argument before making it. You should also be sure that you agree with the assumption of your opponent's argument. If you disagree with the example he uses, think it's unrepresentative, or the idea is flawed in one way or another, state this before getting into an argument. If you let your interlocutor start from a wrong assumption, it will be more difficult for you to demonstrate the correct ideas.
Step 7. Don't expect to have the last word
If during an argument both of you feel the need to have the last word, this would quickly condemn the conversation: it will not make sense and the tension can be cut with a knife. Don't get carried away by this black hole. It is not pleasant to get to this point. Simply state that you agree to disagree and calm down.
If you've been talking for a long time and neither of you seems to want to give up, consider giving up. If your interlocutor is unwilling to rethink the problem, you cannot emerge victorious from this discussion, however valid your argument is. If you know when to throw in the towel, you'll be able to keep the relationship
Advice
- Remember that it is possible to have a good friendship despite differences.
- When you are wrong, admit it.
- Sometimes it takes a person a few minutes to absorb the information received. It's normal. If your interlocutor asks you for a moment of tranquility, you should respect him and agree to continue the conversation at another time. If you need the time, you should get the same treatment.
- An argument can be reasonable and anger-free, as long as both sides are rational. An argument, on the other hand, is different from an argument. In fact, with a discussion one tries to decide which is the correct or most truthful hypothesis or opinion, while with a quarrel one has only the aim of imposing one's dominion on the opponent.
- Be kind and respectful towards your interlocutor. Thinking differently from others is a prerogative of human beings.
Warnings
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Sometimes it is best not to argue about politics or religion, unless you have a very close relationship with your interlocutor and know that they will respect your opinion. Most people don't know how to come to an agreement on these matters.
If you argue with a reasonable person, it is possible to talk about politics with profit and intelligence. However, it is more difficult to come to an agreement on a topic such as religion, because the perceived stakes are much higher
