Emotional betrayal occurs when you bond with someone other than your partner who consumes your thoughts and actions. This type of relationship involves sharing deep secrets, desires, and an intimate connection that you typically have with your husband or wife. It can begin innocently, especially when there are feelings of estrangement and lack in the couple. However, this type of story often turns out to be more serious than sexual betrayal.
Steps
Method 1 of 5: When does it talk about betrayal?
Step 1. Locate the signs
Emotional betrayal is not physical but has the same "symptoms" of an extra-marital relationship:
- Guilt for spending and sharing more with the other person than with your partner.
- Vulnerability: The other person knows too much about you or you feel this way because you don't meet your partner's expectations and aren't perfect in your couple, and therefore confiding in your "lover" is a way to escape your worries.
- You feel threatened by the turn your relationships might take.
- You feel dishonest towards your partner. Maybe you change the sex of your new "friend" when you talk about him so as not to alarm him. If it's an internet relationship, pretend you're playing games or sending innocent emails.
Step 2. Sincerely define the role the third wheel plays in your life
You are aware of the level of depth and intimacy achieved with this person and you know it is inappropriate. The commitment made to your partner is threatened or destabilized by an individual who knows too much about your couple
Method 2 of 5: Why did this happen?
Step 1. Be clear about the beginning of this relationship
Understanding the reason is important to leave it behind, assuming that's what you want. Emotional betrayal indicates that something is missing in the couple. When a friendship, a superficial acquaintance or a working relationship turns into a relationship of this kind, you are probably not satisfied with your life as a couple.
Step 2. Consider how much emotional damage could encourage cheating
While you may be able to rationalize your current extra-marital relationship, if you don't address the underlying causes, you will continue to be prey to similar situations. Here are a few:
- Inability to accept criticism. You think everything your partner tells you is offensive because you only ever want positive comments.
- Many forms of psychological trauma and long-term pain not addressed with good therapy can lead to flight, and therefore to entering into a relationship outside the couple in order not to face the real problems. The cycle can be interrupted by contacting a specialist. Not everyone finds the sessions helpful, but recognizing and seeking out the demons within is a great start to healing.
- In some cases, your partner may verbally or physically hurt you. If this is the case, however, you may want to end your engagement or marriage.
Method 3 of 5: The injustice of emotional betrayal
Step 1. Once you understand that emotional betrayal is unfair to all parties involved, closing it becomes easier
Put yourself in the shoes of your partner and the other person.
- An emotional betrayal is unfair to the other person, since you only use it to fill the void caused by your official relationship.
- An emotional betrayal is unfair to your partner. A long-term marriage or relationship is a bond that requires trust and attention. If these needs are not met in the couple, you will have to choose to accept the situation or put an end to it. If your significant other is unable to connect with you emotionally, it is unfair to continue being together and secretly wasting energy outside the couple.
- Last but not least, emotional betrayal is unfair to you because you are splitting your conscience or self into different sections, alienating them. Instead of dealing with the pain of being with someone absent, you hid everything under the rug. And if you continue like this you will only harm everyone involved.
Method 4 of 5: The Final Decision
Step 1. Estimate your partner's commitment
Is your bond strong at the expense of your runaway fantasies? Have you been under pressure lately and decided to look for some thrills and something new to try, underestimating the pain you could have caused to your partner? If you understand that the only thing that really matters is to support your real relationship, the first action you will need to take is to immediately put an end to the emotional betrayal.
Relationships don't happen alone - they all take work, all the time. The sooner you accept it, the sooner your relationship will start to strengthen
Step 2. It won't be easy
Emotional betrayal tends to last longer and be stronger than sexual betrayal. Emotional intimacy fuels desire and keeps interest high, because arousal does not immediately decline as in the case of a typical extra-marital fling. There is always a "what if?" which hangs over the heads of those involved, tempted to imagine themselves together as soul mates for the rest of their lives. The deep connection that has evolved could be difficult to eliminate. Also, if the means to secretly keep in touch abound, the urge to talk will be high at first.
It will be complicated but, if your partner deserves this to end, you will have to pay this price
Step 3. Break the relationship with the other person by sending them a letter, calling them or meeting them
Explain your reasons well:
- ”I am writing you this letter / calling you because I feel I have crossed the boundaries of our relationship. I enjoy talking and being with you, but it's not fair to my partner. I take full responsibility for my actions. I hope we can remain friends but I would understand if you don't want to see me again”.
- Meeting your lover could lead to a long conversation. Be prepared for possible tears, indignation, or insistence. He will probably tell you that no limits have been crossed. Be honest and consistent and reiterate your willingness not to continue with this bond.
Step 4. Take responsibility for your lack of integrity and honesty, which prompted you to create this situation
Your "emotional lover" may feel used for supporting you without the ability to enter into a healthy relationship with you. But don't get down on yourself or let yourself be overcome by guilt - take the opportunity to reflect on yourself and grow.
Consult a therapist to work on your innermost problems. You deserve a happy life, but that won't happen unless you try to change
Method 5 of 5: Coping with the consequences
Step 1. Talk to your partner and discuss the causes that led to the search for consolation and emotional betrayal
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What aspects of your relationship with your lover have you responded positively to? If communication is missing, what to do to have one with your partner?
I would like to improve our communication. For me this relationship is very important and I love you, but I think we should learn to talk and tell each other things. What do you think?
- Ask your partner if they want to resolve any issues between you. Often, when a person is disappointed in a relationship and feels dissatisfied and confused, they pull away, prompting the partner to seek support elsewhere. Find a meeting point.
Step 2. Write what you have learned and the pros and cons of your decision in a journal
Don't censor yourself and take refuge in a quiet place. Talk about your hopes, what an ideal relationship should be like. Strive to transform your relationship according to your vision and to balance the work within the couple.
- Confront your inner demons instead of using strategies to evade them. Write about them and talk to people you trust.
- Be open and frank with your partner about the problems you think you need to tackle in order to feel complete and healthy. Your partner may turn out to be the best ally there is, especially when he realizes that your challenges were caused by your interpretation of his attitude towards you.
Step 3. Implement the changes agreed with your partner to improve the relationship
- If you've been feeling choked, some alone time won't hurt you. If, on the other hand, you do not see each other enough, you will have to make sure to stay together, even at the cost of sitting at a table with your diaries to arrange meetings.
- Maybe you are only together because you have a great sexual relationship, but not emotional. A healthy physical relationship is great, but if the emotional part is missing, it won't work.
Step 4. Take some time to think about whether you are feeling insecure or hesitant or need a break
You could plan a trip on your own to change your perspective. Life is one, so it is necessary to live it in the best way.
If you eventually decide that the relationship isn't working out and the other person for some reason can't meet your needs, it's better to quit them instead of condemning both of you to a loveless future
Advice
- What you see in your emotional lover is not necessarily real - it may be a reflection of your needs, and as time goes on you will realize this.
- The more you approach the situation in an honest, communicative and responsible way, the better your chances of being forgiven by your partner and having the opportunity to build a deeper bond. Perhaps your mind has exaggerated the emotional differences and the other person is willing to reconnect with you.
- If you intend to never see your lover again and return with your partner, you will need an explanation at the third wheel, even if you are not the only person responsible. Apologize for the manipulation and understand that it will be difficult to recover a functional friendship after such a dysfunctional relationship.
Warnings
- If you have entered into this relationship because your partner alternates between distance and violence, it is not worthwhile to tell him directly about your betrayal. Get help to do this.
- Don't get together with your lover if you decide to end your official relationship. The chances of the new relationship turning out to be highly complicated and co-dependent, and more insane than the previous one, are high. An individual who bonds with an already engaged person in such an inappropriately intimate manner almost certainly has unsolved problems which, when mixed with yours, will create a perfect storm. Additionally, your new partner is likely to be unable to meet your needs, prompting you to look for them again elsewhere. A person who is healthy and capable of having a psychologically, sexually and emotionally full relationship would not undertake all of this with you right from the start. Of course this is a generalization, but be careful.
- If you confess everything to your partner and want to resume your relationship, you will have to completely cut ties with your lover, work on yourself and prepare yourself for the long process necessary to regain his trust and answer his doubts in an understanding way, putting yourself in his clothes.
