Approaching a stranger and starting a conversation is very similar to parachuting. It's fun and interesting, but risky. It might even change your life. If you put your fears aside and make an effort to succeed, you may have the most exciting experience of your life. Read on if you are an aspirant to social skydiving …
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Managing Anxiety
Step 1. Practice talking to strangers until it becomes second nature
The best way to overcome social anxiety is to face it head on. Talking to strangers is a skill like any other - the more you practice it, the more you will improve. With enough practice, it will come naturally to you. You don't even have to think about how to handle conversations with strangers. The best way to practice is to set weekly goals.
- Don't get overwhelmed! If talking to strangers makes you anxious, start slowly. You might even start by promising to talk to two strangers in a week. Add one person every week.
- Keep working! There is a fine line between overdoing it and not doing enough. While you shouldn't get overwhelmed, you shouldn't let your fear hold you back either. Get out of your comfort zone.
Step 2. Attend social events alone
That's right - don't invite anyone. Put yourself in a situation where you don't know anyone else. With no friends to hide behind, you will be more likely to expose yourself. Don't choose environments with too much pressure. If you can't talk to anyone the first few times, don't worry! You still went out and found yourself among strangers, something you never would have done before. Look for events in the city where you can chat with strangers:
- Art exhibitions.
- Public reading of books.
- Concerts.
- Museums.
- Outdoor festival.
- Technological conventions.
- Parades, processions, demonstrations.
Step 3. Ask a friend for help
If the idea of talking to a stranger alone is too much for you, ask a more outgoing friend for help. With her help, you can practice talking to strangers with a familiar face next to them.
Don't let your friend lead the whole conversation, though. Make sure he understands that you will try to contribute more than you normally do
Step 4. Don't think too much
If you let yourself be obsessed with all the things that can go wrong before starting a conversation, you will be ready for failure. The more you think about it, the more anxious you will feel. When you see someone you want to talk to, break the ice right away, before you have a chance to be discouraged. The adrenaline of the moment will make you overcome the tension.
Step 5. Pretend if you don't feel safe
Talking to strangers can be scary and tiring, especially if the situation puts a lot of pressure on you. If you are at a job interview or want to talk to a beautiful woman (or a handsome guy), you may worry that everyone understands how insecure you are. But nobody but you knows how nervous you are! Just pretend you're more confident than you feel, and the person you talk to will see what you want them to see.
Remember, the more you practice talking to strangers, the less you'll have to feign confidence
Step 6. Don't be discouraged by waste
When you get involved, you may be rejected by a person you approach. As a shy person, however, you know very well that in some cases people don't want to talk. If someone rejects you, don't take it as a personal offense!
- Try to see failure as an exciting event - an opportunity to learn and improve.
- People don't bite. The worst thing that can happen to you is that someone says they are busy or want to be left alone. It's not the end of the world!
- Nobody looks or thinks about you except you. Don't be afraid of people laughing at you - they're busy thinking about themselves.
Part 2 of 3: Talk to a Stranger
Step 1. Try to appear helpful and friendly
If you seem anxious or gloomy when you start a conversation, the other person will quickly become defensive. Even if you feel terrible inside, try to appear relaxed and friendly to make other people feel comfortable. This will allow you to have better and longer conversations.
- Cross your gaze. Instead of nervously handling the phone, look around the room and observe people. Look people in the eye to see who is looking for someone to converse with.
- Smile every time you make eye contact with someone, even if you don't intend to talk to them. You will practice non-verbal communication and increase the chances that a person will be available to talk to you.
- Open your body language. Pull your shoulders back, pull your chest out and lift your chin. The more confident you seem, the more people will want to talk to you.
- Don't cross your arms across your chest. People might interpret this posture as an act of closing outwards.
Step 2. Open non-verbal before you start talking to someone
People may find it odd who starts talking to them without giving any indication of wanting to approach them. Instead of approaching and starting a surprise conversation with the side of a person's head, start with non-verbal messages. Look the person in the eye and smile to bond before trying to make conversation.
Step 3. Open with a little interaction
You may want to get to know someone, but opening up with deep arguments out of thin air could scare people. If you're starting from scratch (you're not saying something about an event you've both observed), start small. Instead of starting with a question about life dreams, make a comment or ask for a favor:
- “Wow, there's nobody there tonight. It will be better to leave good tips!"
- “Traffic is a nightmare today! Do you know if there is any event in the area?"
- “Could you plug in my laptop's power cord? The grip is behind you”.
- "Do you know what time it is?"
Step 4. Introduce yourself
When you have found a way to break the ice, you should find out the other person's name; the best way to do this is to simply have your say. The etiquette will basically force the other person to introduce themselves. If she's going to ignore your introduction, is in a bad mood, or is rude - however, it's best not to try to continue the conversation.
After the opening sentence, say "Anyway my name is [your name]". Offer a firm handshake when you introduce yourself
Step 5. Ask open-ended questions
If you ask questions that can be answered with a yes or no, the conversation may end soon. Instead, ask questions that encourage both people to open up and talk. Eg:
- "What have you done today?" instead of "Did you have a nice day?"
- “I have often seen you here. How come you come there? What is special about this place? " instead of "Do you come here often?"
Step 6. Ask the person to explain something to you
Everyone loves to feel like an expert. Even if you know a lot about the topic you are talking about, ask the person to explain things to you. For example, if a current affairs event is introduced, say: Oh, I saw the headlines, but I didn't have time to read the articles at work. Can you tell me what it is?”. People talk more willingly when they think they have something they can teach.
Step 7. Don't be afraid to express your disagreement
Finding common ground for conversation is very important. Strange as it may sound to you, constructive dissent can be a great way to start a new relationship. Show the person you're trying to talk to that dating isn't boring. Engage him in a debate that allows both of you to prove your intelligence.
- Keep some light tones. If you see the other person getting agitated, stop the discussion right away.
- You want the discussion to be a civil exchange, not an argument.
- Make sure you smile and laugh often as you express your opinion, to let everyone know that you are having a good time, and that you are not upset.
Step 8. Limit yourself to safe topics
While it may be in your best interest to spark an argument, don't go into a waters that can lead to a real fight. A debate about religion or politics can hurt the feelings of the participants, while one about the best destination for a trip or the best pizza in town will remain light and fun. Other safe topics include movies, music, books, and food.
Step 9. Let the conversation develop naturally
You may be tempted to talk only about a list of topics that you have prepared for yourself. If you did, you would limit the potential of the conversation! Let it evolve naturally. You might try to gently lead her to the topics you find most comfortable, but don't maneuver her in an awkward way. If your interlocutor wants to talk about something you don't know well, you can always admit it. Ask him for explanations and have fun learning something!
Part 3 of 3: Adjusting to the Specific Context
Step 1. Talk about light topics during short-lived interactions
Talking to people in the grocery or elevator queues is a great way to practice and talk to strangers. Since you will be in the same place for a very short time, you will know that you can finish the conversation quickly, and you can stay calmer. Don't let deep arguments find a place in these interactions. Talk about light topics and the surrounding environment: "Guys, this elevator smells bad," or, "Please convince me not to buy all those sweets at the checkout."
Step 2. Have fun during longer interactions
If you are at a cafe, bar or library, you can spend more time talking. Try to enjoy the moment! Joke around and show off the fun side of your personality that you usually reserve only for your longtime friends.
Step 3. Get to know someone you have a romantic interest in
If you meet someone you'd like to ask out, ask more personal questions. This will not only make the relationship more intimate immediately, but it will also make you understand many more things about your interlocutor. You will be able to evaluate if this is really the right person for you.
- Don't overdo it, though. Asking a person if they want to have children on your first conversation can be too much.
- Instead, offer semi-personal details about yourself and let the other person decide what to tell you. For example, "I'm really attached to my mom … If we don't talk every day, I'm not fine."
Step 4. Be professional when you have the opportunity to forge relationships in the workplace
You may find yourself at a party with someone who matters in your industry. You may find yourself at a professional conference. In all interactions between members of the business world, you will want people to feel like you are confident and capable. Even if you feel anxious about talking to a stranger, pretend to be confident.
- Don't make the kind of jokes that are best suited to a bar.
- Just talk about the industry you are a part of. Show people that you are competent and good at your job.
Step 5. Try to be remembered during interviews
The interview itself is important, but so are the chats before and after the interview. Having a nice discussion with the person examining you shows that you are a desirable colleague. Furthermore, each individual candidate could answer the same questions. They may start to get confused in the employer's mind. It is thanks to the chat that you will be able to talk about something that makes you remember.
Tell something unique about yourself: "I skipped rugby training to come to this interview, so you understand how much I care about this job!"
Advice
- Don't trap people in conversation. If the other person doesn't seem interested in talking, don't pressure them.
- If you decide to go out alone let someone know where you are going and what time you plan to return.
- If you have a Facebook profile, check the Events section often to be updated on what's happening in the area where you live.
- Gain a reputation as a kind and approachable person. It will be very useful to you in future meetings and relationships.
- You can use social networks like meetup.com which favor real life dating. You can find groups in your area who have the same interests as you and find people you will feel most comfortable with.
- The key is to be comfortable with yourself, no matter how awkward, weird or awkward the situation may seem. If you feel comfortable, you will experience less embarrassment.
Warnings
- You may encounter some of the following problems, but the sooner you get over them, the sooner you will realize how harmless they are:
- Not knowing what to say when you approach a person.
- Standing alone looking uncomfortable.
- Tremble the first time you approach a person.
- Starting a conversation well, but then freezing and not knowing what else to say (awkward silences).
- Say to yourself: “This is too difficult! I will rent a film, rather”.
- Some people will think you are hitting on them.
- Don't feel up to it.
