In a relationship, sooner or later everyone feels insecure. Usually, when a person wants to end a relationship, their intentions are quite clear, but in other cases their behavior can be inscrutable. If you think your girlfriend wants to end the relationship, you must first observe her behaviors as objectively as possible. At that point, if you still haven't cleared up your mind or your girlfriend doesn't seem willing to be clear, you'll need to talk to her about the status of the relationship.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Observe His Behavior
Step 1. Pay attention to how often he contacts you
It's not always a reliable clue, but if she used to call or text you every day, but now she rarely looks for you and doesn't respond when you try to contact her, there may be something wrong.
Don't jump to conclusions. First, think about his life as a whole. Are you about to take an important exam or do you have family problems? Have you just started working in a new place? You may not contact as often as before for other reasons
Step 2. Try to make plans with her
If she loves you, she will be happy to spend time with you. Instead, if he doesn't care about you, he probably won't want to see you. If you ask her to go out on a Friday night and she tells you she'll let you know on Friday afternoon, she may be hoping for a more tempting invitation.
- If this happens only once, it is important to remember that this does not necessarily mean that he wants to leave you. If it happens once or twice, it's possible that she already has an engagement with a friend, but she wants to confirm it before giving you an answer.
- If you go to the same school, you can invite her to join you during recess. If she says no and comes up with an excuse, she may not be into the relationship anymore.
Step 3. Observe how often he behaves in a quarrelsome manner
Arguing often is another wake-up call, especially if the discussions typically involve irrelevant issues. Has he been more irritable than usual in your presence lately? Does she stick to little things that once didn't bother her? The reasons behind this behavior can be different (for example, she is stressed due to a deadline at work or is not feeling well), but if it happens every day, she may not be happy with the relationship.
Try talking to her about it. Ask her if she is stressed out for any reason and if you can help her
Step 4. Consider the sphere of intimacy
If you've noticed a colder attitude on her part, that's a wake-up call too. Don't just think about sex, but also about the affection he shows you in general. If you used to have sex before, but suddenly your girlfriend is not showing any interest and is not affectionate towards you, it is possible that she is bothered by something.
- If your girlfriend isn't usually very affectionate, take that into consideration. Some people don't particularly appreciate gossip. If your girlfriend falls into this category, it doesn't necessarily mean she isn't interested in you.
- She used to like to hold your hand, but now does she avoid it or pull back abruptly every time you try? Something may be troubling her.
Step 5. Pay attention to her body language
It is a good indicator of a person's state of mind. If your girlfriend is happy to be with you, she will look you in the eye, turn her body towards yours when she talks to you, and generally try to get closer.
However, if she crosses her arms and avoids eye contact, she may be bothered by something
Part 2 of 3: Talk to her
Step 1. Tell her you want to talk
Maybe you prefer to avoid the conversation or get around the obstacle, but it's better to be direct. You have no reason not to share what's on your mind. Sure, at this point she might tell you she doesn't want to be with you anymore, but she might also explain what bothers her, in fact, you don't necessarily want to end the relationship. Either way, at least you will know the truth.
- Tell her you want to seriously discuss your concern. Don't ask her out of the blue if she wants you to break up. This could confuse her or put her on the defensive.
- If she tells you she can't talk because she's busy, ask her to discuss it at a time when you know she isn't at school or work. You could also try inviting her to lunch or a coffee, so she'll prepare for the fact that she'll have to talk to you and won't be taken by surprise.
- If you can't talk to her in person, you might want to try chatting, emailing or calling her. If there are several ways he can get in touch with you, he'll give you a few minutes of his time sooner or later.
Step 2. Don't accuse her
It's important to think about why you suspect he wants to end the relationship, so don't jump to conclusions. Consider what evidence you have, whether your doubts are well founded, whether the information can be verified, and how you should use it.
- For example, you suspect your girlfriend is cheating on you because you saw her smile and talk to a coworker. However, if this is your only proof, then it is plausible that in reality he was just being courteous to him, perhaps to pass the time because he has a boring job. The wisest move to make is therefore to ask her if she is interested in this colleague.
- Avoid making statements like, "I know you want to leave me and you like that colleague of yours. What are you waiting for?" In this case, they are just hypotheses. Maybe you're right, but blaming her out of the blue will only put her on the defensive.
- Instead, try to start by explaining that you have noticed something strange and that you would like to know if she is happy with the relationship or if you need to work on some aspects.
- You can also say, "I'm a little worried because I noticed that we don't spend much time together anymore and I'd like to know if something is wrong." This will show her that you are trying to express your feelings without accusing her of anything. This is called nonviolent communication and is useful for dealing with difficult discussions with loved ones.
Step 3. Listen to it
To actively listen, you need to use body language properly, ask questions, and employ other techniques. This allows you to better understand the point of view of your interlocutor and to confirm that you pay attention to them. For example, you can mentally repeat what she says to help you understand her better. To make her understand that you are listening to her, look her in the eye, nod, and verbally confirm it ("Sure", "Yes").
- Don't jump to conclusions and resist the temptation to stop. Give her a chance to explain why she wants to end the relationship or why she doesn't want to. It is possible that he is behaving strangely for absolutely justifiable reasons. If you don't give her a chance to explain herself, you will seem insecure.
- If she wants to end the relationship, it's still important to listen to her. The reason can be dictated by things you have never thought about or have not noticed. You may find that it is actually a sensible decision.
- It's also possible that he wants to leave you, but doesn't want to hurt you. Consequently, it is important to really listen to her to understand what she is actually trying to tell you. If he lists several reasons why he is unhappy, without explicitly stating that he wants to end the relationship, try being more direct.
- You can do this by saying, "It seems to me that you are not happy with this relationship at all, but maybe you are afraid of hurting me. I would rather you were honest. Do you want us to break up?" Maybe she'll be honest with you at this point.
Step 4. Tell her what you want
Now you have the opportunity to let off steam. If she has told you she wants to end the relationship, you may not be able to resist the urge to say something obnoxious, but try to hold back if you can. You won't solve anything and you won't feel better. If she told you she has no problem, then tell her what worried you.
- When talking to your girlfriend, be sure to come up with singular first-person sentences so that she doesn't get defensive. For example, she may react suspiciously if you tell her, "You're acting weird. You have to tell me what's wrong." Instead, you might say to her, "I've noticed some distance between us lately and I've been wondering if you have the same feeling."
- If he leaves you, you don't have to say something. You can leave or just say, "Okay, I get it." If you want, you can also express how you feel (for example, you can tell her that you are sad or angry, or you think she is right and that it is a good idea).
Step 5. Try not to get angry
Anger is a normal emotion, but sometimes difficult to control. When a person is left, it is easy for them to get defensive. In fact, this experience triggers a bad feeling of rejection. You will likely tend to react with anger to protect yourself from your feelings, but this is unlikely to help you.
- Try to keep an even and low tone of voice, breathe regularly.
- If you can't help but get angry, you may end the conversation. Even if she tells you she wants to leave you and you feel you hate her, walking away can help you avoid saying things you don't really think or may regret later.
Step 6. Accept the outcome of the conversation
Whether he left you or you stayed together, accept his words. If you break up, then it's time to start dealing with separation. If she tells you she's happy and doesn't want you to break up, believe her. Don't constantly ask her if she wants to end the relationship. It will be annoying and will make you seem insecure.
Part 3 of 3: Understanding What To Do
Step 1. Give it space
In a relationship, moments of insecurity can happen. The person who doubts and has uncertainties tends to distance himself from the partner, usually without giving too many explanations. This can confuse him and cause him to wonder if he has done something wrong. Almost everyone reacts by trying to figure out what the problem is, but this often annoys the person who feels insecure, leading them to take actions that they otherwise would not do.
- If you find yourself in this situation, try to give her all the necessary space. It's not guaranteed to work, but walking away for a few days or weeks can give her a chance to realize that she is actually happy with the relationship and that she feels alone without you.
- Even if it doesn't go your way, giving her some space will allow you to understand that you had a full life before your girlfriend came along. You can still live great, even without her.
Step 2. Try to save the relationship
If you think you absolutely can't live without her, try saving the relationship. Either way, it's important to understand one thing: if your girlfriend isn't happy and doesn't want to be with you, this will make both of you unhappy.
- Try to understand why he feels unhappy. The harsh truth is that she may not like you anymore, but there may be other factors that contribute to this state of mind. Try to identify these problems and fix them.
- Surprise her. If you've been together for a while, you may have stopped making romantic gestures. As a result, surprise her with something special, like a dinner or an evening at her favorite venue. You can also simply remind her that you think of her, for example by giving her her favorite chocolates or flowers she likes.
- Try to make her remember the good times. You started being together for very specific reasons, the problem is that in difficult times these reasons can be forgotten. Try to recover them by remembering your first date or an anecdote that made you laugh out of control. The goal is to recall the positive feelings that characterized the principle of the relationship.
- Write her a love letter. It's simple and many people love to get letters. This doesn't mean you have to be particularly goofy, just remind her that you love her. You could talk about a good memory and / or an experience that you are looking forward to with her.
- Try to be more open and vulnerable. It probably comes naturally to you in this situation to raise your guard and stop sharing your emotions, but that can make things worse. Instead, try to open up a little more. Tell her you had a bad day, try to share your fears and let her see your more sensitive side.
- Encourage her to be independent. Maybe your girlfriend started distancing herself because she felt choked or unable to be independent. Try to encourage her to do what she wants rather than repress her needs, but still be there. For example, if she wants to apply for a job and knows she will have to compete with highly skilled people, offer to help her prepare. If she wants to go on a trip, encourage her to organize it.
Step 3. Let it go
You may not want to do this, but in some cases it is better to let a person go. If her unhappiness is all too obvious, but she's afraid of ending the relationship for one reason or another, be brave and show her that you care by leaving her.
- You can do it gently and honestly at the same time. Explain that you understand her suffering and that you know well that she doesn't want to hurt you, but it's time to put an end to it.
- This won't ease the pain of separation at all, but it will allow you to exercise more control. Ending a painful relationship can also make you feel relieved.
- If you break up with your girlfriend, it's important to get rid of any anger you feel towards her or those in the relationship. Holding on to anger and resentment will only hurt you.
Step 4. Give yourself some time
You will need it to move on. If you are sad about the breakup, try to remember that you will start to get better over time. You can make several attempts to recover at least a little, but in the end only time will heal the wounds.
Everyone has their own times. It can take days, weeks or months. Every day you will take a new step in the right direction
Step 5. Stop contacting her
In the immediate aftermath of a breakup, many are tempted to call, email, or text their ex. However, this will only prolong the state of suffering. If you have to, delete her number and delete her from all your social network accounts.
- If he tries to contact you, ignore the phone call or text. If he sends you an email, delete it without reading it.
- This does not mean that you will never be able to talk to her again. However, you will likely feel remorse after the breakup and hearing it won't make you feel better at all.
- If you don't want to erase it completely from your life, write all of its contact details on a piece of paper and give it to a trusted friend, who will have to keep it until you get past the end of the story.
Step 6. Get rid of anything that makes you think about her
If you don't want to completely get rid of something by throwing it away or donating it, at least put it in a box or envelope and hide it.
If you think you will indulge in memories by looking at these items rather than taking them away, ask a friend if they can keep them at their home for some time
Step 7. Try to be dynamic
You can definitely cry for a whole evening and feel sad, but then you take your life back into your own hands. Call your friends and do activities you enjoy. Attend an event where you can make new friends. If you go out and hang out with nice people, you won't waste too much time mulling over the loss.
You should also try to be physically active. Numerous researches show that sport allows you to feel good both physically and mentally. After you break up with your girlfriend, maybe all you want to do is spend your days crying on the couch, but try to spur yourself by going out for a walk or a run. If you like team sports, try joining a team
Step 8. Try to be constructive
It's sad that the relationship is over, but you can still try to learn something from this experience. Think about it as honestly as possible. Your ex has probably made a lot of mistakes, but you have made some too. Instead of mulling over his mistakes, try to think about what you could have done better.
- For example, in a future relationship you can try to communicate more, so that your prospective girlfriend is more willing to talk to you in case of problems. If you tended to get angry and defensive when your ex tried to talk to you about something that was bothering her, practice by gaining greater openness and calmness in the face of difficulties.
- Being honest with yourself and recognizing your flaws is not easy, but try to remember that there is no point in hiding behind your pride at this point.
Advice
- It's possible he just had a bad day or a bad week at work. You can always be patient, but it's not fun to drag on a bad relationship.
- If he's acting negatively, maybe he just needs some extra attention. Expressing your affection or giving her a cute surprise may be the solution.
- Write everything you think in a letter. If it's hard to find the right opportunity to talk to your girlfriend, try communicating in another way. You can write her a letter or an email to explain how you feel. Not only will you open up another channel of communication, you will also give her a chance to digest your words.
- Trust your instincts. It is often perfectly clear that a relationship has come to an end. Usually, you try to ignore this feeling, but it's usually wrong, so make sure you're honest with yourself.
- If your girlfriend wants you to break up because she isn't happy with you, it's best to let her go. Getting over a romantic breakup is difficult, but forcing her to be with you despite everything will only make the relationship worse.
- If you are sure he wants to leave you, but for some reason keeps putting it off, you could put an end to all anxieties and take this step yourself. If you don't want to leave it, it will be difficult, but remember that separations are always complicated for both members of a couple and to overcome them means giving yourself the opportunity to move on.
- If she tells you directly that she is having a hard time, help her. Ask if you can help improve the situation.
Warnings
- Avoid making a scene. If he leaves you, a scene may seem like the right thing to do in the moment, but then you will probably be ashamed of it. Trying to stay calm as much as possible (at least in front of her) will show that you are mature. Later you will be proud that you did not react badly.
- If your girlfriend expresses closure through body language and experiences negative emotions, it is possible that she is suffering from depression. Be careful not to mistake her emotional problems for alleged sentimental unhappiness.
