You may encounter various difficulties and pitfalls when trying to make conversation or generally communicate with others. Sometimes, the hardest part is getting into a conversation. Parties, networking activities and other social events inevitably involve socializing with other people and forming small groups that chat separately. If you want to participate in a conversation that seems interesting to you, you need to learn to observe, insert yourself in the right way and keep the dialogue alive.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Studying the Conversation
Step 1. Find out if the conversation is confidential or not
If it is a serious or private conversation, the people involved are likely to prefer that no one else intervenes; if it is a "public" conversation, feel free to step forward and participate. Look at your body language to figure out which of the two types it is.
- In public conversation, people usually speak loudly, have a relaxed posture, and are fairly spaced apart, forming a large, accessible circle.
- In a private conversation, however, you may notice folded arms, low voices, and greater physical closeness between people, forming a tighter circle.
Step 2. Position yourself close to the group in a natural way
Find an excuse to get close to people and listen to what they are saying. If you don't have a good reason to be nearby, your presence may be perceived as stealthy or creepy, or they may think you are eavesdropping. Ways to approach spontaneously and naturally could be:
- Take a drink;
- Take to eat;
- Get in line for something;
- Take a close look at the movies or books on the shelves or at the pictures or posters hanging on the wall.
Step 3. Listen
Before you speak, take some time to listen and understand what kind of conversation it is and what the topic is. That way, you'll know when the time is right to give your opinion or ask a question.
- Is this a serious conversation? Is the topic confidential?
- Is she witty or otherwise relaxed? Is the topic light or topical?
- How interested are you in the topic?
Step 4. Check your emotional state
The biggest enemy of good conversation is embarrassment. The ease with which you will be able to participate depends a lot on how comfortable you feel and your level of anxiety. If you are shy, nervous or feel awe, try taking a few deep breaths. Being aware of how you feel will help you be prepared when the opportunity arises to speak.
Part 2 of 3: Joining the Conversation
Step 1. Use a person you know
If you have an acquaintance in the group, take the opportunity to join. You'll feel more comfortable with someone you already know and it's a great way to break the ice. Tap him on the shoulder or say hello briefly to let him know you're there. If other people notice you or interrupt the conversation, apologize and introduce yourself.
You could say: "Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt you, but Giovanni and I work together and I wanted to say hello. Anyway I'm Sara, nice to meet you!"
Step 2. Introduce yourself
If you don't know anyone in the group, you can just step forward and introduce yourself; it takes some courage to do it, but they will admire you for it. Wait for a pause in the conversation so you don't interrupt anyone. You can introduce yourself to a particular person or to the whole group. You might say:
- "Hello my Name Is Sara."
- "Hi how are you?"
- "I can join you?" or: "Do you mind if I sit here?"
Step 3. Join the conversation
If you have managed to position yourself within earshot naturally and have listened sufficiently, you can intervene without problems. It is important that you are genuinely interested in the subject, because it will show if you are or not. Try to insert yourself in a polite way, for example by saying:
- "I'm sorry, I couldn't help but hear …"
- "Sorry, you were perhaps talking about …"
- "I was watching the DVDs and I thought I heard you say that …"
Step 4. Introduce a new topic
Once you've introduced yourself, you can move on by asking questions or starting to talk about a new topic. Make sure you go with the flow of the conversation - avoid intruding and changing the subject too abruptly. There are several topics you can talk about when you are getting to know a person or a group of people at an event.
- Ask situation-related questions: "So, how come you know the bride and groom?"
- Ask something or compliment the environment: "This place is beautiful! Do you know who chose it for the event?"
- Ask any comments or questions about the group: "Looks like you've known each other for a long time!"
- He hints at an interesting external topic: "Have you seen that new action movie? What do you think?"
- Start telling your personal anecdote: "This morning something very strange happened to me".
Step 5. Take part in an activity
This is another way to join in a conversation that can prove especially useful at parties or other more lively events. Look around to see if anyone is engaged in an activity you can participate in, such as billiards or card or party games. If it's a music or dance event, invite someone to dance. Joining an activity will give you something to talk about with other attendees. You might say:
- "Can I play in the next game too?"
- "Do you mind if I join you?"
- "Is there room for another person?"
Part 3 of 3: Carrying the Conversation Forward
Step 1. Follow the conversation
Let it continue as if you've always been a part of it; the fact that you are participating does not mean that you have to dominate it. Return to "listening" mode for a while after entering; in this way you can get an idea of the people around you, as well as show respect towards them. When you feel ready to intervene again, start with a small comment and observe the reactions of others before continuing. For instance:
- "It's incredible!"
- "What? Seriously ?!"
- "I can't believe it, it's absurd!"
Step 2. Watch your body language
Once you have successfully entered, you will need to figure out if you can stay or if it is better for you to leave. Reading body language can be particularly helpful in determining whether you are welcome to join the group or not. The elements you should pay attention to are:
- The looks. Looking someone in the eye while talking is still a good rule to follow, so look at their faces and notice how they look at each other. If they are exchanging annoyed or perplexed glances, maybe it's time to get out of the scene with dignity.
- The position of the feet. Take a quick look at their feet to see where they are oriented. If they point towards you, it means that people are sympathetic to you and interested in what you are saying.
- The change in posture. Pay attention to how people's body language changes when you enter the conversation. Do they keep an open and relaxed attitude or do they open up even more (for example: extend their arms, come closer)? Or do they seem to close (for example: they cross their arms, retract)?
Step 3. Ask questions
Until you find a topic that you can comment on or are interested in discussing further, ask questions. If you can't think of anything in particular, ask a few questions about the circumstance. But try not to stay too long on pleasantries because you risk boring everyone. Instead, use these questions to find a more interesting topic to move the conversation to.
- What's your job? / What are you studying at school?
- Are you from these parts?
- Did you go on vacation somewhere this summer?
- Have you seen any interesting movies lately?
Step 4. Be courteous and polite
Remember to always be courteous and polite during the conversation. If the group is talking about a topic you are familiar with, give your input gently, avoiding interrupting others. If they're talking about something you don't know, it's a perfect time to ask questions. Make sure you are respectful and make eye contact with the other person.
