Being a quiet person has its advantages, but it also has some disadvantages. Typically, people with this temperament are considered to be overly shy or even aloof, although this is often not true. Calm and confidentiality are not so much the result of social conditioning as more a personal choice. With a little practice and patience, you will be able to become a quiet and reserved person, while retaining all your friendships and staying true to yourself.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Be Quiet and Confidential
Step 1. Find understanding friends
It is mistakenly believed that quiet and reserved people have no friends. This is not true at all. In fact, people with this character sometimes find it easier to cultivate solid friendships, in part because they believe relationships are based on knowledge rather than futile chatter or sterile personal stories.
- You don't have to hang out with people who are just as quiet and reserved, but try to surround yourself with friends who understand your temperament.
- Look for people who can understand and accept you. If you don't know anyone who has these qualities, try talking to people and deepening their knowledge.
Step 2. Get to know yourself better
Sometimes, those who are quiet and reserved believe that their character gives them an extra card to communicate with their inner self. It is important to recognize and understand what idea to get about a person, a concept or a topic, because in this way we get to know each other better and mature the right tools to face the world.
- Take some time to reflect on how your day went. If you are looking to become a more sedate and introspective type, you should find some time to reflect on yourself and your daily life.
- Find out which life experiences were the most meaningful or enlightening, and consider why and how they changed you.
- When you have the opportunity to talk to the people around you, ask them for an honest opinion on your behaviors and ideas. Tell them that you want to become more aware of yourself and your way of thinking and acting, and that, therefore, a stranger's point of view would allow you to get to know yourself better.
Step 3. Cultivate your interests
Often, introverted personalities devote a lot of time and energy to their passions. While obviously not true for all calm and reserved individuals, it is a common trait that can help develop greater balance and a calmer, more reserved temperament.
- Think back to your childhood. What did you prefer to do? If you liked to draw or paint with your fingers, maybe you could go on an artistic path. If you loved reading and writing, try taking a writing class. The interests that emerged during the early stages of growth are probably still present within you, if you look beneath the surface.
- If you still can't find out what your passions are, think about everything that arouses your curiosity today. What excites you in everyday life?
Step 4. Learn to manage yourself in social situations
If you are the quiet and reserved type, you are likely to feel intimidated or frustrated when you are around people. For some, even shopping can be stressful because it forces them to interact with people they don't know. Fortunately, you can use some methods to reduce the stress and discomfort that comes with dealing with people. Here are some of them:
- Wear earphones while walking down the street, taking public transport, or wandering around the shops;
- Avoid people who seem nervous or irritated;
- Avoid circumstances where someone might strike up a conversation or politely break free from this kind of situation.
Part 2 of 2: Conversing with Others
Step 1. Find a comfortable environment
If you're the quiet and reserved type, you certainly won't feel comfortable having a personal conversation inside a busy shopping mall or bar. Many introverted people find it easier and less stressful to converse in quiet, more relaxing places. If you can, find a more welcoming place to talk before you even begin.
- Usually noisy and chaotic environments do not help to dialogue in a deep and reflective way. The noise may force the interlocutors to speak louder and more directly, which in itself can be intimidating to some people.
- Some people believe that even environments that are too hot are not suitable for the most complex reasoning.
- Find out which type of environment is most congenial to you and, if you can, try to organize your meetings in similar contexts.
Step 2. Train your listening skills
Usually, those who are quiet and reserved are also an excellent listener, because thanks to their temperament they are inclined to think and process information before speaking. Often when people have a problem, they turn to the more introverted for help or advice.
- Listen carefully to everything your interlocutor tells you.
- Decide when to react and what to say. Answer briefly and concisely.
- Think before giving an answer.
- If you need some time to collect your ideas before answering, try saying, "Mhmm. I have something to add about that, but give me a moment to think."
Step 3. Don't hesitate to ask questions
If you have a quiet and reserved nature, it is a great way to get acquainted: it allows you to converse with the interlocutor without feeling forced to constantly talk about silly things, risking to be on your own or get bored.
- The best questions to ask are open-ended ones. Don't make your interlocutor answer with a simple yes or no. Instead, listen carefully to what he is saying and ask questions that will allow you to deepen the discussion, show interest in his story, and express a desire to know better who is in front of you.
- Instead of asking closed-ended questions, such as, "Did you enjoy growing up in a capital city?", Ask for something that encourages conversation, for example, "What was it like growing up in a capital city? life?".
Step 4. Be yourself
Remember that you don't have to be ashamed of being quiet and reserved. In some countries this temperament is even welcome! Also, by talking less and listening more, you won't run the risk of unintentionally offending your interlocutor due to misunderstandings. Furthermore, it is an attitude that will allow you to make your conversations much more interesting when you are in contact with the people you like to talk to.
Advice
- Always be yourself.
- Adopt a middle ground. You will likely need to find a balance between your discretion and interactions with others, especially if your work or school commitments lead you to talk to people you don't know. Find a solution that allows you to manage your conversations and keep your personality.
