A person who does nothing but apologize for everything and everyone basically seems to feel guilty about his very presence. Always walk on the eggs so as not to disturb others. Often, her intent is positive: she wants to be kind, loving, and modest. Usually, however, she ends up neglecting herself and irritating others, who soon decide to ignore her. Here's how to stop apologizing even for the air you breathe and start living as you deserve.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: When is it Right to Apologize?
Step 1. You must first know when to apologize
Before letting the renewed version of yourself emerge, acknowledge one thing: at certain times, it's okay to show sorry. For example, you need to do this when you learn that a friend of yours has lost a loved one, or when you have deeply hurt someone's feelings and feel remorse. It is correct when you accidentally bump into a passer-by, or take a reckless action that causes discomfort to another person.
Step 2. Recognize even when it's not time to quit sorry
It's not fair to do this every two seconds during a conversation. How to know if you have this bad habit? You realize this because "I'm sorry" (or similar expressions) far outweigh the other phrases that come out of your mouth. This happens especially when it is easier to apologize than to stand up to the more purposeful, determined and assertive people around you. It happens when you feel invisible and want to hide even more.
Part 2 of 3: Analyzing the Reasons You Apologize Often
Step 1. Examine your attitudes to find out when you apologize
If not addressed openly, habits are difficult to recognize and change. Often, however, when we live in a situation that is not good for us, we have at least a vague inkling of it, even if we do not intervene to solve the problem. Make a pact with yourself: begin to observe the moments in which you apologize to realize if this attitude is now uncontrollable.
- Do you apologize when someone else made a mistake and try to shoulder their responsibilities?
- Do you apologize for "keeping the peace"?
- Do you apologize for not getting carried away by uncomfortable situations and preventing them from noticing you?
- Are there particular types of people or situations that make you apologize more than others?
Step 2. Try to understand where this constant need to apologize comes from
For example, are there people who make you feel threatened and apologizing is the only safe way to respond? Every day we meet someone who can potentially provoke these feelings, especially if they are in a position of authority. And this is the root of the problem. Probably, it was just such an individual (a parent, a teacher, a mentor, a coach, an idol, etc.) that made you feel this way in your life. Now, this pattern only repeats itself and perpetuates itself. Another reason that many have in common? Confidentiality. This means that, in effect, yours is not sorrow, rather you try to hide or avoid expressing what you really feel.
Step 3. Consider how this constant need to apologize makes you feel
Probably, the first emotion that lurks is frustration, towards yourself and others. In fact, you don't actually expose what you feel or prefer. By hiding behind a subdued "I'm sorry", you are accumulating a great deal of unmet needs and impediments. They will cause you resentment, fear. If you do not intervene, you will only isolate yourself to avoid certain people and situations. In short, always apologizing is a symptom of passive-aggressive behavior: you are educated on the outside, but you are thrilled with irritation, resentment and conflicts inside.
Part 3 of 3: Changing Approach
Step 1. Start being emotionally honest with yourself
Maybe you are particularly shy, have problems with the authorities or the desire to live in peace is extremely strong. The cause doesn't matter. It's time to change your attitude and take your self-esteem issues head on. It is helpful to read self-help books on assertiveness, cultivating self-esteem, and increasing self-confidence. It is equally useful to talk about it with people who are close to you and who you love. Alternatively, see a therapist. Ultimately, what really matters is learning to communicate your true feelings while still respecting your interlocutor.
Step 2. Try to understand and accept that you have the same rights as others
For example, you definitely have the right to feel hurt, say no, want something, stand up for yourself, do what is necessary for your personal development, be yourself, be confident, get what you want, and so on. You also have the right to be happy, silly, serious, and so on. You will always meet people who believe that every occasion requires a different emotion, approach or way of being. This happens mainly because they have become accustomed to reacting like this and this puts them at ease. And if they also have the habit of winning or being bullying, they will try to impose themselves on the people. Recognize their attempt to overshadow your needs in order to enforce theirs. Your feelings are as valid as anyone else's, so don't let people like this put you down. Instead, learn to like yourself, remember that you are a wonderful person.
Step 3. Learn to decline requests that don't interest you without adding “I'm sorry”
This will likely be the hardest part of the journey, because saying no to someone is not easy for someone who is used to pleasing and satisfying others. However, it is important to delineate the boundaries. Be prepared to know when you really intend to politely decline a request. However, it is not necessary to become an ogre. However, you can say no politely, kindly and with a little humor if you like. And don't forget that it's the agreements made and honesty that should govern your interpersonal interactions - both of these approaches are definitely preferable to excuses for their own sake.
