Education is fundamental in many social relationships. Whether you're meeting someone for the first time or cultivating a long-standing friendship, being rude is never the right choice. Unfortunately, in most cases the rudeness is involuntary, the result of a misunderstanding and lack of awareness. However, not being rude is enough to be polite. If you've ever made a bad impression on a person, luckily you can fix it. The first step to improving is to notice how you present yourself.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Speak Polite
Step 1. Think before you speak
A lot of faux pas can be avoided by thinking a little. People who are best at conversation always filter out what they think before saying it. While paying attention to everything you say may seem like too much effort, it doesn't really take a lot of mental energy. Just hesitate a moment to understand if what you want to communicate can negatively affect the people present. If you have a bad feeling before you open your mouth, avoid doing it.
Step 2. Pay attention to your tone of voice
It may be helpful to note this detail. While focusing on yourself during a conversation can be distracting, controlling the pitch, speed, and volume of your voice can go a long way in avoiding being inadvertently rude.
In particular, pay attention to the speed at which you speak. People who are nervous or embarrassed have a tendency to accelerate the pace of the conversation when they feel pressured and this only makes the situation even more unpleasant
Step 3. Show empathy when you speak
This quality can help you a lot in the course of a conversation, not least in being considered polite and thoughtful. We all have a certain amount of empathy. The key to making it stand out is to really care about what the other person is saying. If someone tells you an episode from their life, try to consider it from their point of view. For example, if you have just lost your job, try to understand how it feels. Empaths are in tune with other people's feelings and are therefore considered pleasant conversation companions.
You can use empathy even when an interaction isn't particularly pleasant. It can be frustrating to talk to an aggressive or mean person. While the temptation to blame those who behave like this is strong, you can better cope with the situation by keeping calm and using empathy. Try to consider what happened from the other person's point of view. In some cases you will have a completely different perspective by abandoning your shoes for a moment
Step 4. Ignore the gossip
They are the fastest route to rudeness. Nobody likes to be the subject of rumors. Even if the person in question is not present, many take offense if they find that others have spoken ill of them. If you don't want to be rude, avoid similar situations altogether. If those with you are gossiping, try to change the subject. You will make a good impression on everyone present.
Step 5. Stay modest
Modesty is a virtue of all educated people. Some are rude because they focus too much on themselves. This is usually an innocent mistake, but avoiding it is really easy if you also consider a conversation from your interlocutor's point of view.
Step 6. Let the other person speak
Even if you have a lot of interesting things to say, you will still seem rude if you don't listen to your interlocutor's opinion. Usually, everyone likes to give their opinion and feel stuck if they don't have the opportunity to do so. Listening is a skill just like many others. If you don't want to be rude, you need to learn to listen well.
Active listening means showing many different reactions to let the other person know that you are giving them your full attention. This includes body language gestures, such as nodding your head or short responses, such as repeating the gist of what your interlocutor said
Part 2 of 3: Consider the Other Person
Step 1. Learn the etiquette
The rules of etiquette, or what is considered education, vary according to the people you hang out with. If you don't know what to do, inquiring about etiquette is always a good idea. Although the idea of bon ton is associated with the past, many traditions are still appreciated today. If you have doubts, it is better to follow them rather than ignore them. Education is no less important today than it was then and in modern times even new rules have emerged to observe.
- In general, keep your phone in your pocket when talking to someone.
- Give the other person plenty of time to finish talking.
- Pay attention to what the other person is saying. Even if you don't care, it's not polite to be bored.
- Always remember to say thank you and please. These are gestures that are still very much appreciated today.
Step 2. Consider if the other person is sensitive
It's even harder not to sound rude if you're talking to someone who is naturally sensitive. In most cases, this is a positive quality, but this trait can make you difficult if you are conversing with someone who takes offense at the slightest mistake. If you think this is the case, find out about the person's personal preferences before talking to them at length. For example, if you think you don't appreciate raw humor, avoid jokes of that type when you are together.
Asking questions ahead of time can help if you are afraid of sounding rude. Ask your interlocutor what his preferences are or the things that cause him an emotional reaction. If you don't get the chance, try watching him converse with other people before you do
Step 3. Evaluate how the other person is feeling
Even if it's not a direct action on your part, you can avoid sounding rude by empathizing and knowing what your interlocutor's feelings are. Since you won't always get honest answers, the best way to do this is through non-verbal communication. Get in the habit of paying attention to the facial expressions of the people you talk to. In some cases, what they say does not reflect the message conveyed by their expression.
Unfortunately, ask "How are you?" it doesn't allow you to get honest answers from most people. We are not used to speaking accurately about what we are feeling and some may feel embarrassed or not ready to really show what they are feeling
Step 4. Consider cultural differences
The concept of rudeness is very much linked to the culture in which we grew up. If you have to travel or if you regularly deal with people from different cultures, it is a good idea to study what is appropriate based on their evaluation criteria. While many are accustomed to not considering these cultural differences offensive, the mere fact that you have informed yourself in advance about another person's traditions puts you in a very good light.
Step 5. Act according to the situation you are in
As with most social relationships, you have to decide what to do with your circumstances in mind. In other words, you can't have the same attitude at a funeral, at a wedding, or when you are out with friends if you want to be considered respectful and polite. Being polite means being aware of your actions and being tactful. If you show yourself cheerful at a funeral, you will elicit negative reactions, just as if you were bleak at a birthday.
- This advice also applies to clothing and physical appearance. People will judge you a lot based on appearance.
- If you don't know how you should behave, imitate what others are doing.
Step 6. Be consistent
If you really want to look polite and gentle, you can't just do it in moments. Education cannot be pretended, it must be a constant state of mind. Behave consistently, because if someone finds out that you have a split personality, you will look fake.
Part 3 of 3: Using Appropriate Body Language
Step 1. Imitate the other person's facial expression
In some cases, you may not know how to behave or how to react towards your interlocutor. By reflecting his expression, you will let him know that you are on the same page. In most cases, this attitude is viewed positively.
It is not recommended to imitate the other person if you suspect that they are being sarcastic
Step 2. Maintain personal hygiene
Even the kindest person in the world can seem rude if they lack the basics. This means you should shower at least a couple of times a week and make sure your clothes are always clean. If you smell bad, it will be harder to make new friends and people will turn away from you. In some cases, this simple advice can make a big difference.
Step 3. Avoid blinking too much
Some people have a tendency to do this quickly when they are feeling stressed. If your interlocutor notices this detail, he may have the impression that you are feeling uncomfortable or in a hurry. Since this is an involuntary gesture, it is not easy to control or even notice the problem. The next time you find yourself in a stressful situation, try to pay attention to how you blink.
You can solve this problem and avoid the other cases where your body language conveys negative feelings by relaxing
Step 4. Pay particular attention to your body language when you are stressed
In most cases, our gestures are involuntary. If we are under stress, we often communicate it with posture. Even if you're trying to be as polite as possible, these rude details can still surface. The best way to keep things under control is to focus heavily on body language. You may have a natural habit of crossing your arms and maintaining an aggressive posture, but if you pay attention to these instinctive reactions, you will be able to avoid showing signs of stress.
Advice
- Choose your behavior based on the person you are talking to.
- If in doubt, mimic the other person's behavior.
- Always eat with your mouth closed. This is good advice in all situations.
