By having good conversational skills, you can find more success in your career, social life, and love. As with any other skill, it takes experience and confidence to speak effectively with others. However, there are many useful tips to help you feel more comfortable engaging in interesting conversations and carrying them on.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Start a Conversation
Step 1. Talk to a stranger
Often, the hardest part of a conversation is finding the words to break the ice. This can be especially difficult if you want to talk to a stranger. To start a dialogue with someone you don't know, try to find common ground between you.
- For example, if you are standing in line at your neighborhood bar, you can say to the person in front of you, "What do you recommend I take? I've never tried any special drinks."
- You can also comment on the situation you are in. Try saying "What a beautiful day, isn't it?". If the person responds in a friendly tone, you can continue with more specific comments.
- Another way to break the ice is to make a comment about the person you want to talk to. You might say, "I really like her bag."
Step 2. Choose the right person to approach
Look for those who don't seem busy and those with a friendly expression. For example, if one of the attendees looks you in the eye while you wait in line, smile and ask him a question. Do not start conversations with someone who is already talking or with someone who is doing another activity.
- At parties, try starting conversations near the bar or buffet table. In those situations you will have elements to break the ice with, such as "Have you tried guacamole sauce?", Or "Can you show me how to use this corkscrew?".
- If you're at a party and have trouble making conversation, head to the kitchen. That room is often a meeting place, where you can join the people present, helping them prepare cocktails or snacks.
- When you decide to approach a colleague, the same rules apply. Wait for the moment when he is not busy. Lunch break is often the best situation.
Step 3. Approach a person you know
Do you want to talk to someone you've met before but don't know how to break the ice? An effective approach is to ask her about her. Questions are great tools for starting a conversation.
- If you want to chat with a colleague at the bar, start with a question. Try saying, "How did you spend the weekend? Did you take advantage of the beautiful day?".
- Would you like to meet the new neighbor next door? When you see him collecting his mail, tell him, "How are you in the new neighborhood? Let me know if you want some advice on where to eat the best pizza in town."
Step 4. Take a simple approach
You don't need exceptional phrases to start talking to someone. Try starting with "Hello" or "How are you?". Your interlocutor will offer his contribution and you can develop a conversation, starting with these simple introductions.
- You can make a simple statement about yourself. After a particularly demanding spinning session, approach the person next to you and say, "Damn, I'm going to be in pain all over tonight."
- Taking a simple approach will start the conversation, and allow the other person to help you keep it going. Plus, you'll feel less pressure, because you won't have to think of anything smart to say.
Step 5. Avoid revealing too many details
When trying to make a conversation, it's important not to make your interlocutor feel uncomfortable. Many people have a tendency to chatter or chatter nervously when they talk about this and that. This can lead to a common social problem known as over-sharing.
- If you are not talking privately with someone you know well, avoid revealing important information about yourself. For example, don't try to start a conversation with an acquaintance by explaining the results of your last visit to the gynecologist.
- People often feel uncomfortable when you share personal information. The supermarket cashier doesn't want to know about your daughter's school problems. When starting a conversation, avoid potentially sensitive topics.
Step 6. Know when you shouldn't speak
In some cases the silences can seem embarrassing to us, and your natural predisposition may be to fill them with useless chatter. There are situations, however, in which it is better to remain silent.
- If you are on an airplane and you get bored, you may decide to have fun talking to the person sitting next to you. If, however, you notice that she isn't interested in conversation, find another way to combat boredom.
- If a person avoids making eye contact with you, they want to let you know that they don't want to talk. Even those who read or listen to music with headphones probably prefer to remain silent.
Part 2 of 3: Continue the Dialogue
Step 1. Ask questions
After breaking the ice, there are many things you can do to keep a conversation going. Asking questions is a great way to keep talking. Try asking your interlocutor to do something simple for you.
- For example, if you are expecting your child outside of school, you can say to another mother, "Can you remind me what time the kids are out tomorrow?".
- You could ask a colleague for advice. Try saying: "Carlo, your presentations are always so perfect. Would you give me some tips?".
Step 2. Continue with open questions
Asking any question is a great way to get a conversation going. Open questions, however, are essential for developing a good dialogue. Do not ask questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no.
- Instead of saying "How was your trip to Venice?", Try: "I remember you said you were going on a trip. What did you do during your vacation?". This type of question allows your interlocutor to elaborate an answer in more detail.
- Keep asking questions after the first answer. If the answer is "We played a lot of golf", you might say, "Interesting, what is your handicap? Can you recommend some courses? I would love to improve."
- You can turn compliments into questions. For example, you might say, "I really like the dress you're wearing. Where do you find such beautiful dresses?"
Step 3. Be spontaneous
Don't try to force a conversation. Instead, try to talk about something you really care about. In most cases, your interlocutor will notice if you are feigning interest.
- At a dinner, talk to people who share your interests. For example, you might say, "Michele, I heard you just bought a new mountain bike. I really love riding dirt roads."
- If you are at your child's soccer match, try talking to another parent about the new manager. For example: "I have the feeling that Filippo is improving a lot thanks to the new training sessions. What does Claudio think?".
Step 4. Avoid phrases that can end a dialogue
After talking for a few minutes, you may feel more comfortable. However, you will need to work hard to keep the conversation going smoothly. To be a good communicator, you need to be able to avoid saying things that can embarrass the speaker.
- You've probably already received advice to avoid talking about politics or religion in social situations. You should always respect this when you are in a group of people from different backgrounds.
- Avoid boring others. For example, don't provide long, detailed descriptions of your favorite TV show or full reports of your dog's health. Also give your interlocutor the opportunity to join the conversation.
- Use the right tone. In almost all cases, the chatter must be light. After all, you are trying to win a person's sympathy and everyone is drawn to positivity. If in doubt, always choose the happiest phrases.
- For example, you might say, "Gee, it's been raining a lot lately. At least we'll have some beautiful spring flowers!"
- It is not wrong to complain about an unpleasant situation. Try to find a positive point anyway. For example: "Unfortunately we are forced to work late tonight. Would you like to go to dinner after you finish? I know a place where they make a very good pizza".
Step 5. Change the subject
In conversations that last longer than a few minutes, you will likely be talking about multiple topics. Get ready to move on to something different after the icebreaker questions. To be ready for anything, find out about current events and popular culture. That way, you'll always be able to offer spot-on comments on those topics.
- For example, you might say, "Have you seen the films nominated for this year's Best Picture Oscar? I loved the one about superheroes."
- Be prepared to move from topic to topic. Try saying, "Your story reminds me of a trip I took to Greece. Have you ever been there?" This strategy allows the conversation to continue naturally.
Step 6. Get closer to other people
The more people join a conversation, the less pressure will be on you. So try to involve other people in your discussion. For example, if you are in the canteen at work, call a colleague looking for a place to sit. Try saying: "Hey, Lucia, would you like to join me and Tommaso?".
- You can follow this advice in other social situations as well. Imagine having a conversation with an acquaintance over an aperitif. If you see a person standing alone next to you, invite them to your group. You can say, "Damn, these shrimp are fabulous. Have you tried them yet?".
- Inviting other people to join your conversation is a polite gesture, which can help the dialogue continue. The greater the number of interlocutors, the greater the choice of topics.
Step 7. Become a good listener
Listening is as important as speaking. To become good at communicating, you need to practice active listening. You can verbally indicate that you are listening and that you are involved.
- Try making neutral comments such as "Interesting" or "Tell me more" to encourage your interlocutor to continue.
- You can use repetition to show that you are listening. For example: "Damn, it's great that you have visited all the countries of Europe".
Part 3 of 3: Using Positive Body Language
Step 1. Smile
When you talk to someone, your body language is just as important as the words you speak. One of the most effective ways to communicate is to smile, especially if you don't know your interlocutor well.
- Smile at someone you met in the park. If you have noticed that your dogs are having fun together, make eye contact with the other owner and smile. You will appear friendly.
- Smiling is an effective way to show support. If one of your colleagues stops at your desk to tell you a story, smile to indicate that what they are saying interests you.
Step 2. Look for eye contact
When you are talking to someone, it is important to make eye contact with them. This way, you will let him know that you are involved in the conversation, and also show that you are listening and that you respect what you are told.
- Eye contact also helps you gauge the other person's reaction. Eyes reflect people's emotions, such as boredom, anger, or affection.
- Don't stare at your interlocutor. It is not necessary to fully focus on the eyes of the person you are talking to; you can also shift your gaze to the environment around you.
Step 3. Nod
A simple gesture of the head is one of the most effective non-verbal signals. By nodding, you can indicate many things, for example you can let the speaker understand that you understand what he said.
- Nodding also shows that you agree. This is a way to show your support for what is being said.
- Avoid nodding without thinking. Don't always nod your head yes, or your gesture will lose value.
Step 4. Improve your self-esteem
Your body language often conveys your anxiety or nervousness. Talking to people can be scary, especially if you are shy. One of the best ways to increase confidence in conversations is to be prepared for any eventuality. For example, if you know you're going to meet people you don't know at a party, prepare some discussion topics.
- If you are going to a birthday where bowling will be played, be prepared to tell a funny story from when you participated in a bowling tournament in pairs.
- Practice your skills. Challenge yourself to talk to someone new every day, such as someone you meet on the street or a classmate. Practice starting and continuing conversations.
- Security is key when trying to win over a potential partner. When you have found an approach that fits your personality, try adopting it with the person you like.
- For example, you might say, "The music from the spinning class always makes me want to dance. Do you know where you can hear live music in the area?" Talk with a smile on your face and looking the other person in the eye.
Advice
- Formulate a mental list of phrases suitable for breaking the ice.
- Don't be afraid of new situations. By trying new activities, you can meet people and exercise your communication skills.
