Anger is a natural mechanism that allows us to manage stress. However, excessive anger and problems controlling this emotion can be signs of latent mental disorders and can have a negative impact on professional or social life. Learning to manage anger responsibly and constructively can dramatically improve your friendships, work and family relationships, as well as reduce the stress that can lead to other health problems.
Steps
Method 1 of 4: Identify the Source of Your Anger
Step 1. Notice when you get angry
Many people who get angry too easily or when they shouldn't often don't realize their problem. For this, it can be helpful to listen to others' opinions about your behavior, as it is usually easier for them to understand if you are not managing anger correctly. The first step in solving your anger control problems is recognizing them.
Step 2. Identify the physical manifestations of anger
Anger can present itself in many ways, but it is also accompanied by some physical signals from the body that can help you recognize it. Here are the most common ones:
- Increased pulse and blood pressure.
- General redness of the face or a feeling of heat in the neck and face.
- Clench the jaw or grind the teeth.
- Sudden headache or abdominal pain.
- Increased sweating, especially on the palms of the hands.
- Tremors or chills.
- Dizziness.
Step 3. Identify the emotional manifestations of anger
Emotional cues also indicate the arrival of anger. Here are a few to note:
- Feeling of wanting to get away from the situation.
- Feeling of irritation, sadness or depression.
- Feeling of guilt, resentment or anxiety.
- Need to let off steam verbally or physically.
Step 4. Identify the changes in your behavior pattern
Anger is also accompanied by a series of attitudes. Here are some signs to note:
- Scratching your head too much.
- Clench a fist with the other hand.
- Walk back and forth.
- Sarcasm with malice.
- Suddenly losing a sense of humor.
- Behaving openly abrasive or abusing other people.
- Strongly craving an alcoholic drink, cigarette or other substance to relax.
- A sudden increase in the volume of your voice, yelling, screaming or crying.
Step 5. Ask yourself questions about your anger
Since for people with anger control problems, getting angry is often the first reaction to a stressful situation, it can often help to ask yourself "Why am I angry?" In many cases you will find that a time when you reacted with anger did not require such a response and after examining the situation carefully, you will find that anger does not help you resolve it and offers you no solution.
Step 6. Consider if you might have a self-control problem
In many cases, those with anger management problems have no problem with the emotion itself, but rather are unable to control themselves. It is undoubtedly stressful to have to deal with a situation that we cannot control, but angry reactions do not change the level of influence we have and, on the contrary, can only further increase the stress and anger.
Step 7. Consider the possibility of other mental disorders
Feeling disproportionate anger in situations that shouldn't provoke it is often a sign of a latent psychological or psychiatric problem. Bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and dissociative identity disorder are just some of the psychological conditions that can lead people to react with anger. These diseases can be managed with the help of doctors and professionals, so talk to your doctor or psychologist.
- It is important to note that these pathologies are quite rare. For example, in the United States they affect only about 43 million people, or 18% of the population. While considering the possibility of a mental disorder is important in being able to control your anger, you are much more likely to have problems managing this emotion than psychiatric conditions.
- Remember, too, that dissociative identity disorder and schizophrenia usually manifest with more severe symptoms than simple tantrums.
Step 8. Remember that your environment affects you
Your anger management problems may be caused by your surroundings. However, before you can walk away from situations that make you angry, you need to be aware of the environmental factors that trigger your anger and consider that other people's reactions to your anger can often make you even more angry.
Step 9. Change perspective
Once you understand that you have an anger management problem, think back to situations in which you reacted to stress with anger. Did expressing your anger help you relieve stress? Did your reaction alleviate the source of the negative emotion or did it correct the underlying problem? For balanced and balanced people the answer is "No". By taking a step back and looking at things from a different point of view, you should be able to understand that anger does not solve anything. It didn't help you relieve the stress or solve the problem situation. In this case, you may be able to substitute another reaction for the anger you used to exhibit.
Method 2 of 4: Develop Mechanisms for Coping with Anger
Step 1. Delay your reactions
As mentioned earlier, people with anger control problems often react with anger to all sources of stress or frustration. A useful way to control or manage this emotion is to voluntarily delay all your reactions. This interval will give you time to recover before expressing your anger outward towards the people around you.
Many people count to ten before reacting to stressful situations, so they can be sure they have time to process the information they have just learned and formulate an appropriate, not exaggerated response
Step 2. Temporarily relieve the source of your anger
If you have recently realized that you get angry too soon or too often, you are probably not a bad-tempered person by nature, but are simply dealing with a temporary situation that makes you angry. Going on vacation or taking time to relax can help reduce your overall stress levels. Once this temporary hiatus is over, you will often be able to deal with situations that make you angry with a new mindset and a newfound composure. This should help you control the displays of anger.
Step 3. Identify the elements that trigger your anger
In some cases, a person who gets angry frequently simply reacts to social or professional interactions that make them feel constantly frustrated. For example, you may often be angry because you work in a very stressful environment or because you are surrounded by people whose opinions or actions make you angry. If this is your case, it can be helpful to understand that you are not a hot-tempered person, but that you have voluntarily placed yourself in situations that make you angry. Each of us is unique and has a different tolerance threshold in various circumstances. If you work in a very stressful environment and it makes you feel angry all the time, it can help to change the direction of your career. If the way relatives and friends behave or express their opinions always makes you angry, it may be time to get away from those people and surround yourself with others who are more compatible and pleasant to you.
Step 4. Think positive
An important way to manage anger is to understand that life isn't just about complaining about frustrating situations. Your goal should be the pursuit of happiness. When you feel anger coming, console yourself with the things that make you truly happy.
Step 5. Observe yourself from other people's point of view
A useful mechanism for managing anger is to reflect on how you would deal with your reactions if you were an outside observer. To do this, put yourself in the shoes of those who witness your outbursts of anger. You may find that your response was not appropriate and that you could have handled the situation better.
Step 6. Do physical activity or yoga
Sports, such as running, tennis, or yoga can help alleviate the frequency and intensity of anger you feel in a social and professional environment. By regularly using your energies directly, you can make your tantrums less frequent.
Step 7. Communicate better
In some cases, anger is the result of constant misunderstanding with others. As you work hard to learn better communication techniques, you may find that your daily interactions with others become less frustrating and you will be able to limit outbursts as a result.
Step 8. Try meditation
Meditation has been shown to have a short-term positive effect on emotion processing. A study conducted at Harvard has shown that, in addition to relaxing the body and giving you a sense of peace, mindful meditation increases the density of gray matter in areas of the brain dedicated to learning, memory, self-awareness, compassion and to introspection.
Step 9. Use humor to ease tense situations
If you find yourself in a frustrating situation, try using irony to brighten up the environment. Funny, light jokes can bring your tension levels and those around you down, helping to keep social interactions from escalating to a level that will make you angry.
Method 3 of 4: Take Anger Management Courses
Step 1. Understand that some people need help controlling their anger
If simple coping mechanisms don't help you control your anger and angry reactions, you may not be able to solve the problem on your own. Many books and websites offer anger control techniques, but you may find that you need more direct assistance to be able to manage this emotion.
Step 2. Find a local anger management group
You are not the only one suffering from this problem. There are probably many groups in your area that offer support to those who cannot control their anger. Do your research and identify the types of groups you think will help you the most. In some cases they are made up of ordinary people like you who can't handle anger, while others are led by trained professionals. Some groups are free and open to the public, others require a participation fee and are reserved for some members of the local community. Find the best solution for you. Do some research on the internet, ask your doctor, friend or colleague who has had similar problems in the past for advice, and you will be able to identify the most reliable support groups in your area.
Step 3. Participate in anger management sessions
Spending time with people who have problems similar to yours allows you to learn concrete methods to control this emotion. Additionally, these groups offer you a safe place to express your feelings in a sympathetic and supportive environment. Finally, the support of a group can help you develop and stick to an anger management program. During the sessions, you will learn specific techniques and ways of thinking that will help you minimize anger. Books and websites offer general solutions to the problem, while these sessions allow you to develop a specific program for your needs.
Step 4. Continue to participate in support groups
Even after seeing improvements in anger management, it is possible to relapse and resume negative behaviors. This is why it is important to attend sessions regularly, even after you have begun to apply methods of controlling anger.
There is no minimum period for anger management sessions. Even if you feel like you no longer need them, you should still ask a qualified professional to tell you when to stop following them
Step 5. Practice what you have learned in anger management sessions
These courses provide methods for dealing with stress in everyday life. It's up to you to put them into practice. For best results, apply the techniques learned in real life situations and evaluate the results you get using those strategies. By knowing which methods work best and which don't help you, you can develop workarounds during sessions and reinforce winning tactics.
Step 6. Help other people with the same problem
Anger management sessions aren't just for you. You may find that after attending classes and groups for some time, you will be able to help others. This not only allows you to lend a hand to your classmates, but will help you look at your anger control issues from a different perspective.
Method 4 of 4: Using Therapy to Address Latent Problems
Step 1. Find out when psychotherapy is needed
If you are considering help from a trained professional to resolve anger control issues, you have probably already tried a few other methods. You need to find out if individual management mechanisms or support groups are not effective enough and seek help from a respected psychologist.
Step 2. Research psychologists in your area
These professionals, like others in the medical sector, focus on various areas of specialization. While an unskilled psychologist who gives you a way to talk about your problems can be helpful to you, it is important to find therapists who are experienced in treating anger control issues. In addition, it is essential to check the qualifications of the psychologist and the opinion of his clients, so that you can be sure that he is the right person for you.
Step 3. Find resources and time for therapy
Sessions with a trained professional are often a treatment that can last for years or even a lifetime. Make sure you consider the cost in terms of money and time it takes. Like many problems that require the help of a psychologist, yours may never completely go away, but you can learn to manage it.
Also, consider that the state in some cases makes resources available to meet the costs of therapy for those who need it but cannot afford it. Ask for more information at the local ASL office
Step 4. Accept the various reasons for your anger
When you meet a qualified psychologist, be prepared to deal with unpleasant episodes in your life and keep an open mind about the professional's explanations of your problems. You may find that you learned incorrect anger management mechanisms when you were a child or that you have a latent mental disorder that leads you to express anger excessively. When you meet a therapist, it is very important not to withdraw and accept their explanations. Don't waste time and money having sessions with someone you aren't willing to open up to by telling the whole truth.
Step 5. Follow the instructions and treatments suggested by the psychologist
After a few sessions, he may decide that you need to adopt some practices or methods to control anger. You must respect his advice to make sure that the therapy is really effective. Additionally, you may find that you need certain medications if you have a latent mental disorder. In this case, take all the medicines that are prescribed for you and do not vary the recommended doses.
- Again, remember that mental problems are quite rare.
- One of the most serious problems faced by people with mental illness is the feeling of "feeling better" or "well" after taking prescribed medications. This in turn leads them to believe that they no longer need the drugs and to stop taking them. In these cases, the symptoms of the disorder can worsen dramatically without the victim realizing it.
- Of course, you are always free to ask for a second opinion or to stop taking medications if you don't feel that the treatment is effective or suitable for you. The choice is yours, but consider the potential consequences.
