Emotions are nasty little annoyances. They overlook us, even if it doesn't seem like it. If you want to scale back, grow or simply make the love you feel more stable, you need to take the reins of the situation and subdue this feeling. By adopting some useful and mindful habits, you can do this.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Decrease the Love You Feel
Step 1. Don't fixate on anyone
Like it or not, we are in control of what we think. If the thought of this person occurs to you, it will be more difficult to control your emotions by continuing to think about them. So when it happens, it changes direction. Keep busy so that you forget about time. Sure, the memory will pop up from time to time, but you won't linger long.
- If you actively try to force thoughts out of your mind, you may find yourself thinking about them even more. Be aware of such thoughts, but don't get attached to them or try to control them.
- Looking for some distraction could help you change your mood. If the situation upsets you, do something else to stop the flow of negative thoughts. For example, you could read a book, call a friend, draw, play a video game, clean up, or go for a walk.
- This applies to everything from love to diet to smoking. As an example, let's say that the image of a dessert comes to mind. Before, you weren't even hungry and didn't think about eating dessert at all. But suddenly, you think of a cheesecake. You begin to imagine its creamy delicacy and, as you taste it, you feel the sweet juice of the strawberry on your tongue and the buttery fragrance of the crust. The more vividly you describe it, the more convinced you are that you want a slice of cheesecake. Now imagine if you stopped eating it thirty seconds ago. You don't want it at all.
Step 2. Come up with a replacement plan
Some research suggests that if we plan ahead, we can make better decisions. Certainly it is not possible to control desires, but we are able to dominate actions. A good meal plan is not "I'll stop craving french fries" but "I'll stop eating french fries". Therefore, when the feeling for a certain person awakens within you, replace it. If you want to call her, call your mother instead. If you want to check your exercises for the 33rd time, play Candy Crush Saga. It is a plan to manage desires and turn them into more constructive behaviors.
Let's continue with the cheesecake example. You're so hungry for cheesecake, but you're starting to have a problem. You're lying on your bed one night and telling yourself, "Tomorrow, I'll stop eating cheesecake. Simple." Surely the next morning will not miss the cheesecake for breakfast. Instead, think, "Tomorrow, if I want a slice of cheesecake, I'll eat it without sugar. Then, I switch to the sugar-free, crust-free cheesecake. After that, I'll only eat the portion with the strawberries and, finally, only the strawberries." This is a more effective plan
Step 3. Spend more time with others
It's not about spending less time with a particular person, but about spending more time with others (even if the two clearly go hand in hand). If you have a lot of free time coming home in the evening, your mind will travel on its own and your feelings will come back to visit you. However, if you surround yourself with other people, you will stay busy and at the same time have a more intense social life, feeling damn good.
Plus, you will slowly come to discover that other people are interesting too and that it is rewarding to spend time with them. Each has its value and you risk losing it if you don't know those around you. Take advantage of the people in your life by spending time with them and rediscovering that it is possible to be happy
Step 4. Smile
It is normal to think that the mind controls the body. When we are happy, we smile; when we are sad, we cry. However, sometimes it's not that simple. The connections between the mind and the body travel both ways. If you want to predispose your mind to feel something, you just have to give it some signals from your body. If you smile, you will feel happier and more likely to laugh. At the same time the mind will benefit from the endorphins that will enter the circulation, making you feel better. What about the other person's thinking? Left!
- Give it a go. Now. Put a big smile on your face and keep it there. Lift your chin, put your shoulders back and smile. You will probably feel a little better. And there's one more thing: According to studies, smiling also makes us more attractive to others, can change our mood, relieve stress, strengthen the immune system and lower blood pressure.
- You could also watch a comedy movie or television series, read a funny book or maybe a magazine. Immerse yourself in humor and find something that makes you laugh out loud.
Step 5. Meditate
Smiling and meditating are not just about controlling love, but also about controlling emotions. Both can make you happier and relax, helping you feel better, live the life you want and focus on what you want. It will be much easier not to fixate on someone when the mind is balanced and focused correctly.
You only need about 15 minutes a day to focus and nothing else - just a little time to relax and immerse yourself in a sense of calm. You could do traditional meditation or just relax with your favorite book if it's more in line with your tastes. If it relaxes you, don't hesitate
Step 6. Do what you enjoy doing
The best way to get distracted and not think about someone is to fill your life with things that bring happiness and satisfaction. If you love playing guitar, play it as long as you want. If you love to paint, paint. If you like making dolls and photographing them arranged in a circle, don't hesitate to do so. And as long as you keep your mind busy with just and constructive activity, what does it matter!
If you dedicate a large part of your life to doing something that gives you purpose, everything else takes a back seat. Those feelings you don't want to have will disappear. And that fixation? A thing of the past. You will be detached, calm and collected, because you will literally have better things to do instead of being obsessed with the thought of that person
Part 2 of 3: Growing the Feeling of Love
Step 1. Try to be there for the one you love
One of the most important things to do when you are with someone is to be around them. Sounds easy, but when was the last time you felt someone next to you 100%? Not playing on your mobile, looking around or surfing, but right there with you. If you are attentive, not only will you be much more appreciated, but you will also feel greater attunement.
Whether it's a combined thing or a relationship you intend to dedicate yourself to, or trying to have healthy relationships, sometimes love takes a lot of effort and energy. Even if you can't force it, you can still feed the flame and make it grow, if there is attraction and will. Being close is the first step
Step 2. Open up
We all know at least one person who cares about himself and is reluctant to open up. Why does he behave this way? Well, sometimes to avoid getting attached. The more you let someone into your life, the harder it is to get them out, you know? If you want your love to grow, you have to be willing to be vulnerable. If you open up, you may find that you feel a genuine connection with the person you have chosen.
You can start small by simply telling your past stories. Then, you could talk about what you prefer and what you hate, how people and situations affect your mood. Don't dig into your deepest and darkest fears right away. You can do it when you feel ready
Step 3. Look deeply at who is in front of you
The more you expose yourself, the more likely it is that the other person, in turn, will open up to you. You will be able to begin to touch its essence, living a wonderful and enlightening experience. In your eyes he will appear as a person rich in quality, original and interesting. Few emotions can be this intense and lasting.
Find a moment to think about how it is outside your imagination. How nice would it be if you could meet? If it could surprise you? What if he thought about it right now, even though he couldn't know it? If you can see its essence, love will likely be the next step
Step 4. Look inside yourself
Sometimes the way we feel has very little to do with the other person. We consider circumstances and events, interpreting them as we see them and appear to us, but we close our minds to other possibilities. So the next time you think about this person, try to figure out if you can hold back what you are feeling.
Give this example: Your husband comes home after work and immediately turns on the television. You are angry because you feel unwanted and ignored. While surely what you feel is legitimate, do you manage to give in a little, admitting that he wants to take some time for himself, without any personal implications? If you open your mind to the other person, the relationship will proceed more easily
Step 5. Give up the fear and defensive attitude
Sometimes nothing has to do with the circumstances, because it's all in our head. Is it possible that you are not ready for a relationship? That you have not yet learned to love yourself and even less someone else? Look inside for negative emotions that may be holding you back. Dominate them and your love life could change.
- Remember that you are solely responsible for your happiness. If you are not happy with yourself, you will not be happy in a relationship, although it may be a love affair.
- It is easy to live a relationship overwhelmed by fears and with a defensive attitude, risking it going adrift. We are afraid of opening up and being loved for fear that it will not happen only when we need it most. For love to flourish, these insecurities must be abandoned. It is not easy, but it is possible with self-awareness and the desire to improve.
Part 3 of 3: Keeping Love Slow and Steady
Step 1. Walk like a baby
When children take their first steps, they are never sure if they will get to the other side, but by believing in themselves and hoping to reach it, they slowly and calmly succeed in their intent. When they arrive at their destination, you can read the joy of success in their innocent smile and beautiful eyes. A relationship must be approached in the same way: walk like a child, feel calm and take the risk.
In the early stages, the relationship is more fun and it is a pivotal time when it is easy to put a foot wrong. Do your best to stay rational and walk like a baby. You will be able to not get too overly emotional and to be on guard for the future
Step 2. Don't neglect your friends
It's easy to find a new love and dedicate all your time to it. Unfortunately, sometimes this behavior leads to relationship burning. We get clingy or depressed and don't even remember how it was without the other person. To avoid this, don't neglect your friends. There were, there are and will be there afterwards, if you ever need someone to help you pick up the pieces. Don't abandon them!
In addition, they help you to maintain balance and rationality, not only by giving you good advice, but also by simply being together. Thoughts won't revolve solely around your partner. You will always remain that interesting person you have always been, and the strength of your social relationships will be there to testify
Step 3. Put on the hat of "rationality"
If you fall in love too quickly, it may be helpful to appeal to your rationality from time to time (if not more often). Basically, you should look at your life (or life in general) and think logically. Here are some thoughts that can keep the madness of love that dwells within you at bay:
- The other person is certainly an exceptional type, but in fact, he is no better than many others. Humans, on the whole, are quite similar creatures.
- Love comes and goes. Previous relationships have gradually weakened and it could happen again. We might as well take advantage of it while it lasts.
- Emotions are small and fickle. Only you think you hear them: if you change your mind, you won't feel them anymore. Therefore, even if you are at the mercy of their power, it is only your mind that temporarily makes fun of you. Just stop a little bit of the hormones and it won't be real anymore.
Step 4. Find a time to calm down
Instead of harassing the other person by waiting for them outside the house at night, sending them flowers at work, leaving notes in the car, or asking them to go out every day, try to remain detached, calm, and composed. If you relax, you will be more attractive and will probably feel better about yourself as well. When emotions assail you, acknowledge them. Then make a logical decision on how to react.
If you feel you are losing your temper, take a step back. Breathe and come up with a plan to distract yourself. Grab a video game, call a friend or go shopping. Realize that your emotionality is getting the better of you and that this attack is not doing you much good. If you need to, call a friend back, tell them you're feeling a little anxious, disappointed, or paranoid, and let them distract you. After all, what good are friends?
Step 5. Let the feeling grow naturally
Sometimes people are so closed in their complexes that they try to fit reality to their definition of life or love. They say "I love you" too quickly, marry too quickly, or even end relationships right away. Take the time to learn about yourself and the behaviors you are subject to and why. Do you really like this person or do you just want someone to say "I love you" to?
