Life isn't a game you can win or lose, but that doesn't mean you can't make it more fulfilling and be more peaceful. The good thing is that you can change your life and your predisposition for long-term benefits, without waiting for things to fall out of the sky. Winning in life means learning to be calm and satisfied: fortunately there are several ways to do this.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Having Rewarding Interpersonal Relationships
Step 1. Intentionally choose the people you want to surround yourself with
The people you let into your life can support you in difficult times or undermine your mental and physical well-being. Some scientists have found that those with strong, solid friendships tend to be happier and live longer. What really matters is having people you can count on, not money or prestige. Surround yourself only with people who can bring out the best in you.
- Events and communities that you care about can help you find new friends: activist groups, religious communities, volunteer opportunities, courses to acquire a new skill. The Internet offers many opportunities to meet people with similar values and interests. Social networks facilitate interpersonal relationships with people living in every corner of the globe.
- Don't forget your friends. This is especially important in the early stages of a romantic relationship or when you are busy with work commitments. Take the time to nurture relationships you care about (like going for a coffee, sending a letter or email to find out how a friend is doing, and catch up).
- Save yourself from toxic friendships. People who don't listen to you, who only think about themselves or who treat you badly (gossip behind your back, denigrate you or don't support you) don't deserve your time. There is no need to make a tragedy of it: let the relationship die out by itself. However, if this person senses something, you can explain to them why you have decided to end your friendship.
- Appreciate the people who support you. They can be friends, family, work colleagues, in short, all those people who supported you in difficult times and smiled with you in happy times. If you love someone and trust them, make it clear to them.
Step 2. Remember the 30/30/30 rule
According to a theory, whatever you do in life, 1/3 of the people you know will love you unconditionally, 1/3 will hate you without remorse and 1/3 will not have any particular feelings towards you.
Many proponents of this idea think there is no point in worrying about those 2/3 who don't care about you or don't care about you. Instead, try to strengthen relationships with that third party who likes you regardless of everything
Step 3. Get help
It can be very difficult to tell others that you are in trouble and that you need a hand, but you shouldn't try to go through it all alone and struggle your way. The need for absolute independence (a particularly dominant requirement in Western culture) can do more harm than good.
- If you're having a hard time or need help moving a sofa, reach out to a good friend. Those who care about you will be more than willing to help you out (if not, you'll realize they're not really someone you can count on).
- Try to be available to others. If you contribute to the formation of a society founded on mutual aid, your friends will be willing to offer their support.
Step 4. Don't burn your bridges
You certainly shouldn't surround yourself with people who are toxic and worsening the quality of your life. However, sometimes ending a relationship would make your life a lot more difficult than it would be if you maintained a cordial relationship, even at a safe distance.
- Don't cling to hatred. Tying the wrongs committed by others on your finger will surely make you unhappy and your mood will be constantly restless. If someone has hurt you, try to explain it to them at the earliest opportunity without causing conflict. You might say, "I felt really hurt / upset when you did this."
- Also remember that you have the right to protect yourself from aggression. For example, if your co-worker is always making racist or sexist comments, you have every right to point this out or limit your interactions with this person as much as possible. If you think it is helpful, you can also discuss it with a supervisor.
Step 5. Try to have only satisfying romantic relationships
To feel fully satisfied, many people find it quite important to have a romantic bond. But you have to make sure you are with someone who supports you and brings out the best in you, otherwise it's not worth it.
- Don't believe you can change someone. If you are dating a person and are thinking about everything they should change to suit you, it's better to break up. He is not the right person. Similarly, if someone behaves badly or aggressively towards you and promises you that they will change, they never will, so there is no need to continue being together.
- Take risks in love. Ask that cute girl in math class if she wants to go out with you. If he says no, it won't be the end of the world. You had the courage to invite her and one day you will find someone who will say yes. The more you risk in love, the more likely you are to find the right person.
- Stop hanging out with people who hurt you. You should be with someone you trust, who makes you feel good about yourself and feel important (because you are). You should also respect each other.
- Enjoy the single life. It takes a lot of time and energy to find a relationship, to be with someone, to get over a broken relationship. As a result, many don't stop to think about the benefits that a single person has: the only desires you need to consider are yours, you can focus on yourself and spend more time with your friends.
Step 6. Share everything you can
Participating and giving back to your community what it has given you (whether it is time, money or resources) will help you have a more fulfilling life. Because? Because you will be involved in a collective. Why charity fights stress. Because reciprocating will allow you to savor joy and optimism, it will give you the feeling of being in control of your life.
- Even if you don't have much, give what you can. A donation of one or five euros is enough for a crowdfunding project that you consider important. It is not even necessary to make a financial investment, for example you can offer time to a cause that you think is important.
- Make a nice gesture for those around you. If your mother or husband is always cleaning the house, try to make the job easier. Offer to babysit your grandchildren or take your grandfather to a doctor's appointment.
Step 7. Don't compare yourself to others
There will always be people who are better, more attractive, smarter, or more popular than you. Comparing yourself or your life to theirs will only demoralize you.
- Acknowledge the successes of others without being ashamed or thinking they are better than you. For example, a friend of yours just got a prestigious scholarship. Whenever you happen to think "I'm stupid, I could never get this scholarship" or "I never win scholarships", think: "My friend worked hard to get this scholarship" or "Even at A lot of good things happened to me, then my friend really needed this scholarship."
- Remember that another person's success doesn't have to demean or dishonor you, far from it, it has to spur you to action. You may think, "Sara won an art award. If I worked hard, I might be able to win it one day too."
Step 8. Really listen
The ability to listen carefully is often underestimated and ignored. In conversations, people tend to interrupt each other, everyone thinks about what they have to say, what they want to emphasize, so they don't establish a real dialogue with their interlocutor.
- You must therefore listen actively. In essence, this means really listening to your interlocutor, without thinking about how you will respond to him, what you will cook for dinner or taxes.
- Make eye contact with your interlocutor (don't stare, keep proper eye contact). If your mind wanders elsewhere during the conversation, ask him to repeat. But try to formulate your request politely: "Excuse me, I was lost in thought, could you repeat the last thing you said?".
- Do not look at your cell phone when talking to someone, unless you're expecting an incredibly important phone call or message (a loved one in the hospital, a job offer, and so on).
Part 2 of 3: Have Satisfactory Personal Growth
Step 1. Believe in yourself
Good self-esteem shows that you are confident. Just like other qualities, fortunately self-esteem can be acquired. While you may not feel confident at first, with practice you will become more confident and happier.
- Try to pretend to be safe until you really become one. Basically, this means "fooling" the brain until you start to really trust yourself. Start small (put on those high heels you've never dared to wear before, talk to a stranger you find attractive, and so on) and improve as you go, until you ask for a raise or move to a new city on your own.
- Express self-confidence using body language. Assume a power posture for at least five minutes a day. For example, stand up straight when walking or sitting, make yourself comfortable in a way that takes up space. Avoid crossing your arms, as this usually means getting defensive. Instead, place your hands on your hips.
- Counteract negative thoughts. It is not easy at all. Whenever you have negative thoughts about yourself or others, stop and rephrase them to become positive or neutral. For example, if you happen to think "I will never have a fulfilling relationship", rephrase this thought: "I haven't had much luck in love in the past, but this will only affect the future if I allow it, so that doesn't mean it doesn't I will never have a happy relationship."
Step 2. Keep learning
Never neglect education. Learning keeps the brain active, decreases the risk of diseases like Alzheimer's, and gives you interesting conversation points.
- Make sure you keep learning throughout your life, but you don't have to go to college. In fact, it's not the best route for everyone. But you should try to find out about what's going on in the world, such as advances in science, medicine, politics, art and so on.
- Self-taught learning is very useful. You can do everything from knitting to studying a foreign language or astrophysics. The library and the internet (provided you find a reliable source) are excellent sources. You can also find free courses or lectures on various topics in your city.
- Remember that there are different types of learning. This means that learning a trade in a technical college or doing an apprenticeship has the same value as an education received at a prestigious university (sometimes it is even more important). Knowing how to do things like paying taxes, applying for a loan and using public transport are all fundamental knowledge.
Step 3. Learn from bad times
Regardless of your success, your health, what you do or don't do, you will have a hard time. Sometimes it will be your fault, sometimes not. It is the way you react that will define your ability to win in life.
- Don't be afraid to make mistakes, because otherwise you would face life with anxiety. Mistakes would seem like huge failures to you rather than learning opportunities. When you make a mistake, ask yourself what you have learned, what you will do differently in the future, and why it all went wrong.
- Watch out for your worst jobs. It is usually bad work experiences that teach you how to handle multiple tasks at the same time, how to deal with difficult people (including bosses), how to assert your needs and limitations.
- Difficult separations also offer many learning opportunities. They teach you how to act in interpersonal relationships, and these skills will come in handy throughout your life.
Step 4. Try something new
Just like you should never stop learning, you should keep having new experiences. Whether it's an intense activity (like skydiving and climbing) or a quiet activity (like gardening and crocheting), your brain will stay active and you won't be idle.
- Break the routine. In life you will always face situations that will not be easy and often you will not be the one to choose these experiences. However, you should also create opportunities in these cases. You will thus acquire more resources and self-confidence to face the uncertainties of life.
- Remember that others are more focused on themselves than on you. Even if you think you have all eyes on you, people are actually more likely to be thinking about how they look and their problems than judging you.
- Take small steps to improve. For example, if you have social anxiety, you can try talking to a stranger or making a phone call that makes you anxious once a week. At that point, you can try going to an event alone or talking to people you don't know regularly.
- Try doing something that makes you anxious once a day, even if it was a small action. Dealing with unknown and potentially unnerving situations will be easier and easier for you. Eventually you will become better at dealing with them.
Step 5. Face your problems
To win in life, to be serene and satisfied, you must also face the most difficult challenges of everyday life. Giving up or ignoring difficulties will hurt you in the long run, not to mention that it will make you feel worse about yourself and view your life negatively.
- Use active words. This means rephrasing the potential problems: from "I don't know how to do it" and "I'm too afraid to do it" to " I will learn to do it "and" Even though I feel anxious, I can Doing it. "You will actually change your mindset from negative to positive.
- Remember that you can always defeat obstacles. Think back to the times when you found yourself in a big hindrance. Do you remember that in the end everything went well, albeit unexpectedly? When something troubles you, don't forget that you will be able to overcome this challenge as well.
- Consider whether a problem is worth spending energy on. Many times the worries that plague you aren't all that important in the grand scheme of things. For example, imagine getting nervous just thinking about calling someone. Ask yourself why this stresses you. When you realize that this anxiety actually has no basis, you can remember it every time you get upset before you need to make a phone call.
Step 6. Find your calling
Theoretically, it would be preferable to find a job you love, even if it were unexpected (for example, you wanted to be an actor and you end up giving theater courses for at-risk teens). Sometimes this isn't possible, but a profession you don't necessarily enjoy can still be rewarding.
- Change your perspective on your work. Make a list of all the positive aspects of your current job (colleagues you like, the possibility of making a difference in the lives of others, having money to buy the house you've always dreamed of).
- If the assignments have gotten monotonous, make some changes. Organize your daily schedule differently: complete the most important tasks in the morning and the less important ones in the afternoon.
- Go on vacation when you can. Never think of not being able to afford it, because a vacation will regenerate you, it will make you see work with different eyes and it will help you to face everyday hassles more easily.
- Go to work on foot or by bike, or take a walk on your lunch break. Physical activity can help you decrease mental fatigue and view your work more positively.
Part 3 of 3: Taking Care of Your Health
Step 1. Cultivate gratitude
It is one of the most important actions you can take to win in life and to lead a happy and rewarding existence. Even if things are not going well, remember that you have had positive moments in the past, some aspects of your current life are rewarding, and you will have other happy moments in the future.
- Being grateful means recognizing the good things in life, although not everything is perfect. Life is never going to be perfect, but after all, no one is going all right (so don't try to convince yourself otherwise). For example, imagine that your father recently died. Now you have every right to be sad, but instead of focusing on his death, think about what you are grateful for (such as the possibility of being around him the moment he died, all the time you spent together, and so on.).
- Keep a gratitude journal. Write us all the little things that happened during the day that you feel grateful for. They can be simple, for example someone helped you carry the shopping bags or you got a nice message from a friend. This will remind you of the reasons why you should feel grateful.
- This means giving up a selfish prejudice that you may have happened to have: when things go well, you think it is thanks to you, while when they go wrong, you believe that it is due to an external force. Cultivating gratitude means recognizing the opportunities and help that others offer you (for example, you were able to go to college thanks to your hard work, but also the scholarship you got and the opportunity that you have). been given by your parents).
Step 2. Practice mindfulness
It can help you fight anxiety and depression, relieve stress, improve memory, focus and become more emotionally stable. Basically, practicing mindfulness means living every single moment without judgment.
- Meditating is a great way to start practicing mindfulness. Each day, sit in a quiet place for 15 minutes (when you get better, you can meditate on the bus, in a doctor's office, while you wash the dishes). Breathe deeply and, as you do so, mentally repeat "Breathe in, breathe out". Whenever you have negative thoughts, let them flow into your mind and don't react. If you get distracted, bring your attention back to your breath.
- Practice mindfulness on a walk. Instead of getting obsessed with negative thoughts, pay attention to the trees, the color of the sky, the wind and the temperature. Don't attribute value judgments to things (like "beautiful sky", "cold wind", "irritating dog"), just observe them.
- You can practice mindfulness even while you eat. Examine the food: texture (smooth, crunchy, chewy), taste (salty, sweet, spicy), temperature (hot, cold). Again, avoid attributing value judgments ("good", "inedible" and so on). While eating, don't get distracted by television or reading.
Step 3. Take responsibility for who you are and what you do
You have to remember that life is a series of choices. You decide how to behave and how to react, so you have to take responsibility instead of victimizing yourself.
- Make a commitment to react positively. For example, when your friend talks badly about you behind your back, don't take a passive-aggressive attitude (and don't start doing the same). Instead, talk to him about what happened (try saying, "They told me you said X, Y, and Z. I want to know why"). Positively channel offense and anger.
- Also remember that you decide whether to be disheartened by the cards you have been given, whether to use them best or ask for more. For example, if you have been diagnosed with cancer, don't ask yourself "Why me?" But try to figure out how to use this experience constructively. You can take advantage of it to live as you've always wanted, say words you were afraid to say, and so on.
Step 4. Eat healthy foods
Having good eating habits can improve your mood, make you feel better about yourself, and live well. Find a balance between healthy eating and greedy foods (such as sugar-based and processed foods): you will see an improvement in health and your life will change too.
- Eat lots of fruits and vegetables. The minimum daily amount is five servings (eat more vegetables than fruit). What can't be missing in the fridge and pantry? Watermelon, avocado, raspberries, broccoli, onion, blueberries, kale, Indian mustard, sweet potatoes. Dark leafy and brightly colored vegetables (such as red peppers, chard, etc.) are particularly rich in nutrients, so they should be eaten in abundance.
- Get enough protein - they will strengthen your immune system, give you energy for longer and keep you full. Prefer lean meats to fatty ones, be sure to eat fish (especially salmon), chicken, turkey, eggs, soy, legumes and nuts. These foods cannot be missing in the kitchen.
- Get the right carbohydrates - they'll give you the energy you need to get through the day. Go for nutrient-rich ones, such as quinoa, oats, brown rice, and whole wheat flour. Even making a small change like this will help you win in life.
- Avoid overdoing sugary, salty, or processed foods. In particular, sugar impairs arterial circulation, not to mention that it has been associated with health and weight problems.
Step 5. Build healthy habits
You can do a lot in life to be healthy, which will make you feel more fulfilled and peaceful. Health problems can be time consuming and worrying. Harmful habits usually make them worse.
- Drink lots of water. Water makes up a large part of the body, so dehydration can cause headaches, low performance, and sleepiness. Try to drink at least eight glasses of water a day.
- Get enough sleep. Lack of sleep can worsen mental and physical health problems, damage productivity, and prevent you from staying fit. Go to sleep before midnight, turn off all electronic devices 30 minutes before going to bed, and try to wake up at the same time every time. Your body will thank you.
- Exercise every day. Physical activity allows you to release serotonin, which improves the psychophysical state and self-esteem. You don't have to go to the gym. Look for an activity that you like. Take a 30-minute walk every day, dance to your favorite music or do yoga.
Step 6. Take care of yourself
In life, only one variable comes into play to be happy and successful: you. You have to take care of yourself to enjoy life and feel good about yourself.
- This means pampering yourself. Buy a book you've long wanted, take a long bath, eat a slice of chocolate cake (or two), or take a weekend off and visit a nearby town. Sometimes you need to give yourself a reward, you owe it to yourself.
- Remember not to put yourself in the last place. Being selfless is great, but not to the point that it completely annihilates you. Sometimes you can put yourself first (you don't always have to prepare dinner and you don't have to accept all the projects that come to you at work).
- Learn to say no. If you don't want to do something, you don't have to (usually). If a friend invites you to a party and you don't feel like it, state this clearly or tell them that maybe it will be for another time. When your sister asks you to babysit her nasty kids, you don't have to, even (and especially) if she tries to make you feel guilty.
Advice
- Do everything with passion. When your actions exude passion, then they teach and motivate, thus making you a leader, not a follower.
- Don't be afraid of yourself. Believe in yourself and don't be insecure.
- What it was, it was. Focus on tomorrow by building a solid foundation today. Life is like a book, you can't change what has been written, but you can always improve page after page.
- Not everyone will like it. You have to learn to accept it and understand that someone will not be interested in you. Others, on the other hand, will want to get to know you and hang out with you.
