Talking to someone who is dying is never easy. The most important thing to do is to offer as much affection as possible and be present, rather than worrying about filling in the silences or finding the right words. While being close to a dying person is difficult and devastating from an emotional point of view, on the other hand it may not be as complicated as it seems, indeed it could give both of you the opportunity to speak honestly and share moments of joy. it's love.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Know What To Say
Step 1. Be sincere and kind at the same time
You don't have to pretend that the person you love isn't dying or act like the situation is improving when the reality is very different. It will be appreciated if you try to be honest and open, but also not to imply that all is well. That said, you should still treat the sufferer with kindness and try to be sensitive to their needs. Words may fail, but if you have any doubts, try saying something that makes him feel better, as much as possible.
Death is a taboo subject for some people and in certain cultures. If the dying person has trouble talking about the subject, avoid addressing it
Step 2. Ask how you can help
Another thing to do when talking to a dying person is to ask them how you can make their life easier. For example, you might offer to do some small chores, make a couple of phone calls, or even bring her something to eat. Maybe you just want a massage or have fun listening to some joke. Don't be afraid to ask what you can do to alleviate their suffering. Maybe she thinks it's a burden for you to give her a hand, so take the initiative and offer yourself spontaneously. If she doesn't want to be helped, accept her reaction and don't insist.
Step 3. Encourage her to talk if she feels like it
Maybe he wants to talk about old memories, or he has a story or an idea to share. You should encourage her to talk, even if the subject is painful or serious. Just stand by her and let her know that you care about hearing what she has to say. If she can't think straight or loses her train of thought, try to help her. Encourage her by making eye contact and asking the right questions from time to time.
If she gets very upset while she's having a conversation, you can tell her to slow down or take a break. However, speaking is her right, so allow her to move on
Step 4. Don't bring up arguments that could hurt her
While it is true that one must be honest and open with those who are dying, it is also true that it is better to hold back when necessary. Sometimes, if you are too sincere, there is a risk that the other person, wanting to gain a painful confidence, will come to feel helpless because there is nothing he can do to intervene. For example, if your mother asks you if you and your brother are still in conflict, perhaps it is better to tell her that you are mending the relationship, even if you have just begun to resent: in these cases, offering some relief may be better than truth. brutally said.
When you think back to these innocent lies, you won't regret it. On the contrary, you may regret being too honest where it would have been better to tell something else
Step 5. Pay attention to the person's attitude while you are conversing
You may think that everything must be serious when a person is dying, but the latter probably has other intentions. Maybe he just wants to spend the last few days laughing, talking about football or having fun telling old stories. If you take the situation too dramatically, the other person will likely want to change the subject from time to time to cheer themselves up. Don't be afraid to make jokes, tell something funny that happened to you one morning, or ask her if she's in the mood to see a comedy movie. By cheering up the atmosphere, you can bring some joy to a tense situation.
Step 6. Keep talking even if you get no response
Often hearing is the sense that lasts longer when someone is about to leave. You may have the impression that it is useless to talk to a person in a coma or who is just resting, but know that the latter will clearly hear your words; the sound of the voice will give her peace and comfort. Even if you're not sure she's listening to you, tell her what's on your mind. Your words can make a difference, even if the person they are addressed to doesn't respond right away or may not be able to hear you.
Step 7. Know how to speak if the dying person suffers from hallucinations
If she is close to death, she may suffer from hallucinations due to medication or a sense of disorientation. In these cases, you are faced with two choices. If the sufferer has unpleasant visions and displays fear or pain, you can try to gently bring him back to reality by telling him that what he sees is not true. However, if his hallucinations give him pleasant sensations and you have the impression that he is happy, there is no reason to tell him that they are not real, but allow him to feel comforted.
Part 2 of 3: Knowing What to Do
Step 1. Don't feel compelled to say the right thing
In order to show their affection to those who are dying and have them leave in peace, many people are convinced that their last words must be flawless. While it's a nice thought, if you spend all your time looking for the right words you run the risk of not knowing what to say. What is important is to simply start talking, without getting too much trouble, and to clearly express your love and devotion to the other person.
Step 2. Listen
You may think that the best thing to do for a dying person is to offer words of comfort, but in reality, sometimes, the best thing is to listen. Probably the person in question likes to remember old times, express what he thinks about the end of his life, or even laugh about something that happened recently. Do not interrupt it and do not offer judgments or opinions. Look into her eyes, hold her hand, and try to be physically and spiritually close to her.
Maintain eye contact or hold her hand as she speaks. It is not necessary to say many words to show one's attention
Step 3. Stable next to it
You probably fear that this is the last time you will be able to talk to her, be called by your nickname, or laugh in her company. While it is understandable to feel this way, try to put these thoughts aside and take them back at least at the end of your visit, so that you can focus on the moment, enjoying every moment you spend with her and avoiding worry overwhelming you when you are together..
Step 4. Try to hold back the tears
Although you may feel overwhelmed by sadness, regret, or even anger, you cannot show yourself in these conditions when you visit a dying person. While it's not necessary to lie and pretend that you have fully accepted what's going on, you shouldn't talk to her with teary eyes and an inconsolable spirit every time you see her, or you risk demoralizing her. Try to give her a little bit of joy and optimism if you can. She is already having to endure quite a heavy burden, so it is very likely that she does not want to comfort you about her imminent demise.
Step 5. Remember that actions are worth more than words
While it is important to talk and listen, you should also remember that facts show how much you care about a person. This means going to see her whenever you can and calling her to find out how she is when you can't go to her. It also means watching a movie, flipping through a photo album, playing cards or whatever you can think of. Above all, it means being present when you gave your word that you were going to visit her and show your affection in everything you do.
Part 3 of 3: Knowing What to Avoid
Step 1. Don't wait until the last minute
You will certainly have mixed feelings towards a person nearing the end, there is also the possibility that you are not on good terms. However, it's best to talk to her as soon as you can, before it's too late. When a person you love is on the verge of death, there is no longer any reason to settle the score or clarify past situations, even if you have a difficult relationship, but you have to be close to them to support them in a time of enormous need. If you wait too long to talk to her, you risk missing out on this chance.
Step 2. Remember to tell her "I love you"
You may have mixed feelings towards him and forget to say these very important words. Even if you haven't said them or haven't told them in many years, try to get them out when you still have time. If you think the right situation never happens, you may regret not saying it, so stop looking for the best time to be honest and express your feelings.
Step 3. Let her know how important she is to you
Talk about your best memories or the strength you have been able to develop thanks to its presence in your life. It will certainly be a touching moment, but keep in mind that those in front of you will not want to leave without knowing it.
Step 4. Don't give false hope
You will probably be tempted to tell a dying person that everything will be fine. On the other hand, however, there is too much awareness of one's physical condition, even if such a person will not fail to appreciate the support you offer, without trying to mask the situation in the best possible way. Focus on your presence instead of giving false hope when the end is near.
Step 5. Don't be afraid to share the good news
Even if they are dying, remember that this person cares about you and is pleased to know what you are doing. By confiding in her all the good things that happen to you, you will give her the joy of feeling part of your life. Also, she will be comforted by the thought of seeing you so happy before her passing.
Step 6. Avoid platitudes
Even if you don't know what to say, there are phrases you could avoid such as "We are in the Lord's hands" or "Everything happens for a reason." Unless the person in front of you is a staunch believer or uses similar words as well, this kind of talk can be quite depressing. They almost give the impression that you deserve to die and suffer for some reason and that there is no point in fighting or getting angry. Instead, focus on being around him instead of thinking about why he is dying.
Step 7. Avoid giving advice
If there are a few days or months to go, now is not the time to give unsolicited medical advice. He has probably already tried everything and considered all the possible options, so making this kind of talk is just frustrating, painful and indelicate. Those who are dying will have reached the point where they just want to rest in peace, so by suggesting other solutions, you risk stressing or making them nervous.
Step 8. Do not force the patient to speak
If he is feeling very tired and just wants to enjoy your company, don't feel obligated to have a conversation. It's a different situation than one where you have to cheer up a sad friend, because you are surely dealing with a physically and emotionally exhausted person. Even if you feel like talking or think it's better than keeping quiet, let her decide if she'd rather have a chat. Try not to force her to waste energy in such a difficult time.
Advice
- Be kind and understanding, but not pathetic.
- Talk about the disease and treatment only if the dying person feels like it. Surely all his days will be focused every moment on this topic, so he might appreciate the idea of talking about something else.
- Perhaps you will be convinced that an afterlife exists or you will have clear ideas about the resurrection, the existence of God, faith, and so on. However, if you are not sure that the dying person shares your vision, keep it to yourself and, above all, do not try to impose it on them. The situation is not about you.
