How to Find the Ideal Mate: 11 Steps

2024 Author: Samantha Chapman | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 09:13

For hopeless singles, finding the perfect mate can seem like an impossible and distressing mission. However, finding an ideal mate is very simple - just many people don't know where to look or where to start. If you want to end your single period and start a romance, this article is made to help you start your search.

Steps

Step 1. First of all, clear your head

The first step in finding the perfect mate is to get a pen and paper. No, you don't have to write a personal ad. What you need to do is make a list of your qualities and the ones you want in your ideal mate. This list should include: your personality traits and those of your ideal mate, and the same for physical characteristics, interests, hobbies, religion and beliefs (you must both be of the same religion or have similar beliefs or have no children at all), if you want children and if you can accept a man who already has children, your way of communicating etc. Maybe you can get friends to help you figure out your role, and use what you have learned in your past relationships. If you use this method, it will be easier to recognize the personalities you are most compatible with.

Step 2. Turn the list into a profile of the person you are looking for

It is the skeleton of a person. Do not it must be a list of claims, but a draft of the soul you are looking for. It must be realistic and prioritized.

• Looking at your profile, you will see aspects that are important to you and you have never noticed before. For example, suppose you like being outdoors and training, so you will look for a group of hikers, perhaps religious.

  

• While you don't have to have everything in common with one person, it's a good start to find someone with common interests.

  

Step 3. Notice what people usually look for in a mate

Since there are several studies on what women and men are looking for in their other half, you can use them to understand what others are looking for. This will help you value your strengths in any one area, to highlight any interesting traits, beliefs or activities your potential partner may be looking for. Below is a list of some things that men and women usually look for.

• Women evaluate (in order): personality, sense of humor, common interests, intelligence, cleanliness, appearance, sensuality, getting to know a man through a friend, voice, spirituality, profession, money, talent and finally religion.

  

• Men evaluate: personality, sense of humor, intelligence, common interests, appearance, cleanliness, sensuality, voice, talent, spirituality, money, religion, meeting a woman through a friend and, finally, profession.

  

Step 4. Love yourself and your body

This is the key point; your ideal mate will be the person who loves you for who you are and will want you to do the same. If you can't accept this reality, then work on your self-esteem so that it doesn't hang on its lips. The things to keep in mind on your quest to find your ideal mate are:

• You worth. Yes, it's not just a commercial. Prove it by walking straight, head held high, smiling and confident. It is an attractive attitude and will show potential partners that you are available and confident.

  

• Make a list of all the good things about you - what makes you a fabulous friend, what are your 10 successes, what you are proud of in life, and why you are a nice morsel.

  

• Dress to be beautiful, not to follow fashion, brands or, even worse, the size on the label. Whether you are a man or a woman, dressing well will enhance you and set you apart from other people.

  

• Feel comfortable with your body. This attitude is much more attractive than sending constant paranoid messages about the size of your butt or flabby arms.

  

Step 5. Start searching

Find groups and events where you might meet your partner, and where you can chat with people around you. It is very important that you start hanging out in places where you might meet your ideal partner instead of hoping that it is the person on the stool next to yours at the bar. The best places where you are most likely to meet are the ones where you love to spend your evenings, and this ensures you have shared interests that can help break the ice. Places to hang out and start looking for your perfect match include:

• Groups of singles. They could be in local churches, marriage agencies, or online. They are the most obvious resource because they all openly state that they are looking for someone, and while there may be pitfalls, the good thing is that you will all be there for the same reason. You may find that the man of your dreams you met on that excursion is married, or that there are no potential partners at the book club, while in these groups at least you are sure to meet only single people!

  

• Sports clubs or clubs. You will have to find out if the people in these contexts are single or not, but if you are doing something you like anyway, what's the rush? You have plenty of time to find out who the people around you are and understand who is free and interested in you, while pursuing a hobby, an interest or playing your favorite sport. Shared interest will certainly increase your compatibility.

  

• At work. You will quickly know who is single and who is not at work. The downside will be constant closeness and gossip; it could also be complicated if you work together, are married and aim for the same promotion, but you will think about that later. A joint career could be an advantage for some couples and is a sign of compatibility.

  

• On vacation. This is the perfect time to meet people who are relaxed. The downside is that they may live / work on the other side of the world, and only be available for a "summer flirt". Investigate a bit before falling in love with someone on vacation.

  

Step 6. Don't be too demanding

You're not setting up a computer - you and your ideal mate are looking for (or at least considering) someone to know and make happy. Get to know as many people as possible in various contexts, bearing in mind fundamental attributes and compatible personalities. Show an open attitude towards those small details in which you and the other person can improve or reach a compromise so that you don't think about it anymore.

• If you have fixed yourself on a precise list of attributes, you will probably never find that person and, due to this demanding attitude, you risk alienating someone or even starting a relationship late and badly that could lead to the formation of a family.

  

• In particular, do not fixate on the details of its appearance: just like for a nice car, after a while you will no longer notice these details but you will like it as a whole.

  

Step 7. The first impression is crucial

Dress and look good when you start flirting and dating. People base their judgments on appearance and it may be your only chance to make a difference. A well-groomed appearance, good manners and the appreciation of your person are all things to remember to keep your approval rating high.

• Use a sense of humor. It is very important for both men and women and there is a reason. Humor helps to ease the tension of a first date, it shows that both of you are humble and not inflated balloons. In addition, a person with a sense of humor is certainly a more pleasant life partner than a curmudgeon!

  

Step 8. Don't rush things and give the relationship plenty of time to blossom

When you think you've found someone who matches your profile, take a deep breath and take it slow! You spend a lot of time talking, listening to each other and getting to know the various aspects that characterize you. Of course, there has to be attraction, but you also need to get to know each other better. Furthermore, we need to see how he behaves in certain situations, from free time to moments of stress, when he is with his family or at work.

• Put intimacy aside for a moment - depending on your religious beliefs or age, this could be a choice, but if not, postponing the moment of intimacy can help you be more sure that you are the right person. rather than a banal infatuation. The excitement and attraction in newly blossomed relationships can overshadow the importance of getting to know each other better if you give in too quickly. Affection is very similar to love at first, so try to clarify both the heart and the mind before entering the intimate sphere.

  

• Use first dates to test your partner's reactions to activities and hobbies you enjoy. If he gets involved in what you do, that's a great sign. Try to suggest different things that interest you and that could also attract him, to see the enthusiasm (or lack of enthusiasm) he puts into it. Also ask yourself if you really like doing what he proposes to you; if you're going to spend the next 40 years watching the horse races he loves but you can't stand, you need to set the record straight right away! Compromises can be reached, but they work best if reached before starting a life together, to avoid sterile discussions perhaps after years of marriage.

  

Step 9. Make sure you make it clear right away that you are looking for a serious story

The worst thing you can do to yourself is to fall in love with someone who takes flight after three months because they weren't ready to commit. You have to tell someone that you are looking for a stable relationship after a few dates (it's a bit desperate to talk about it on your first date!) Or as soon as you understand that that person really interests you. Don't be in a hurry to commit; make sure you both are on the same page. Let him know that's what you want. And keep in mind that it is best to use common sense when dealing with the issue of commitment; nobody wants to plan the wedding on the second date!

Step 10. Ask yourself questions as you get to know a new person better

As the relationship evolves and the two of you grow closer, how can you find out if this person is the right one? Love can confuse you and make you miss out on small things that could turn out to be much bigger once you start a life together. The things to find out before determining that this person is the right one are:

• Is he moody or is he hiding things from you that you should know instead?

  

• Are there any economic problems? A different financial availability or economic problems can cause a lot of grief, so honesty on this matter is essential.

  

• Are you comfortable together even for long periods?

  

• How does he behave with his and your family? Is he respectful, contemptuous, interested, bored? Is his reaction a problem for you?

  

• Are you of the same opinion as regards children, career, or volunteering abroad for 5 years? All these things are very important!

  

Step 11. Don't settle for it

If you find that he is not the person for you, don't get attached to him or try to convince yourself that he will get better or that you are too demanding. You know what you want in a mate (you wrote this in the previous steps). You will find it. And when that happens, it will be fabulous! However, don't expect perfection, or impossible standards. Try to appreciate their quirks but don't stick with someone if they don't make you happy.

Advice

• Listen to your friends' opinions about your boyfriend, but don't take them too seriously. Listen to them, consider them, take into account the most important ones, and discard the others. Remember that your friends are human. They can make mistakes in judgment and they might even be jealous. Use your judgment and common sense.
• Enjoy the single life for a while. Being in a hurry to change your status will not help your cause, but loving your life as it is will attract people interested in you into your sphere.
• If you are looking for a man, look at his father and how he treats his mother; look at his mother and see what he expects of you; in this way you will know everything you need. Again, this does not do justice to all the personal work a person may have done on themselves. If you observe someone with a history of abuse, see how they behave with children, animals, the weakest or their subordinates, or how they act in times of stress and conflict. Many people with such a past become strong and kind, while others repeat the sick pattern they have endured. If you're dating a person who was an alcoholic or drug addict, the years spent in rehab could be a litmus test. If they have held out for three or more years, things usually tend to get better.
• If you are very young and / or religious, make sure you both want a serious relationship before getting close. Introduce yourself to your respective families, go out with your respective friends. It might seem ridiculous to do these things before moving on to a more intimate level, but the way a person behaves in the family or in a social setting may make you realize that they are not the right person for you.
• Think about whether there is a need for a pre-marital contract. Even the perfect partner can change dramatically in unpredictable circumstances.

Warnings

• Never try to change someone to make them your ideal partner. It never works!
• Nowadays, one is never too sure. Don't be afraid to ask your potential partner to get tested for HIV or other diseases. You too must be available to undergo the same tests. If you are going to do this, choose the most appropriate time. Waiting three months or the time when you've already laid the foundation for a relationship might make you think you don't trust it, and it's not cool. Asking too soon can make you look crazy. The right time to ask is when you are sure you want to commit to this person, and that they are not just a friend.